[1tiredmama]

I am a teacher. It is my identity. I love it and I am extremely good at it. I am also a wife and the mother of three kids--2 of whom are Bipolar and have learning disabilities. Hubby is gone each day from 4:30am-7:00pm and understandably tired at the end of his day.

I worked for the last 4 years after my youngest started school. Last year was especially hard on the family as I would come home and need to sleep for 2 hours. I could not be good at both teaching and homemaking. My energy was focused on my job as it really defines me. That meant dinners often fell on my husband as did cleaning and laundry because I slept the weekends away. My LD children weren't fairing well in school because I wasn't there for them.

We decided that I would stay home this year and sub twice a week to help with the finances. I was also going to use this time to finally make this house (that we've lived in for 4 years) a home by painting, organizing the basement, and tackling other projects. I haven't done a single thing. :sad:

I sleep when the kids are at school. The benefit is that I am alert and ready for them afterschool. Their grades have already improved. Dinners are ready at 7:00, and I get the laundry done. The house is somewhat clean. This is all I feel motivated/energetic enough to do. I'm not even in a flare right now! Most of you are feeling far, far worse than I, so why can't I get my butt into gear???

I'm not sure if I'm spoiled and lazy or just too damn tired. I am always so tired that my eyes burn all day! I feel like I have only so much energy that I have to choose how I spend it each day. I want to get those big projects accomplished, but I can't seem to. I can't even fit making phone calls into my schedule because of the sleeping. Forget preparing and turning in paperwork for sub work. Meanwhile we are losing ground financially. I feel like such a disappointment to my husband and like I am failing the family.

Thanks for listening.

1tiredmama

 

[jlp369]

Hi there, maybe you need iron pills or try a vitiman. I take b-12, b-6 and CO Q 10 (along with my other lupus pills) and it seems to help with the tiredness. I have pain everyday and yet i have energy and i can't sit still. Of course, i would love to paint a couple of rooms, clean out my shed etc....but i would not even try since i would pay for it afterwards with a world of hurt. Oh and let's not forget that my lungs wouldn't allow it anyway. I think your mind is in the right place so maybe you just need a little boost with energy. Just don't over do it. You should know your limits and listen to your body.

Good Luck!

 

[granny weatherwax]

((((1tiredmama))))

Sending you lots of hugs... I think we have all had times when we feel the way you do, I know there are times I feel like a big failure and that I am letting others down, or that they would be better off without me around but my husband bless him regularly gives me a reality check "you are not well, you have limitations now" "it's not your fault" "you have done enough you need to rest otherwise you are going to be tired and sore". I think we do tend to punish ourselves thinking why can't I do this any more or I used to be able to do that. I had to reduce my hours at work because I was not able to cope with 45 hours a week and run my home, financially it is a pain in the behind but physically it has been worth it.

I think you should give yourself a pat on the back you have 2 children who have special needs and being at home more and resting has given you the chance to help them more with their school work and this is reflected in their grades. You are managing to balance rest with keeping your house in order, give your kids the attention and support they need and that in it's self is a great achievement when you are feeling tired.

Finding the balance between keeping your house running and keeping yourself well is a juggling act at times, and as jlp369 says a mulit vitamin suppliment with B12 and iron may help with the fatigue I know I feel worse if I stop mine for any length of time.

Please look after yourself and think of all the positive things you are achieving now

Claire xxxx

 

[1tiredmama]

Thanks a lot, ladies. After I drop the kids off at school tomorrow, I will pick up some vitamins. I think that's a great idea.

Thank you, Granny, for letting me know that I am not alone.

1tiredmama

 

[sunflowergirl2]

ixiedust:Tired mama, I can relate to what you're talking about!!!!!! I've had lupus for 14 yrs, RA for a few yrs. Until 2 yrs ago I worked as an RN. I loved my job and felt that I was really good at it. I had to go on disability , I just couldn't work anymore.(Was threatened with being fired because I called in sick too much) For the first time in my life, I have all this free time. I want to get drawers and closets organized, pictures put in photo albums, etc. That hasn't happened. I feel lucky to be able to keep up with laundry, shopping and cooking. (Luckily my kids are adults). It's very frustrating.Sending you lots of hugs! Take care of yourself. Sounds like you're doing pretty well. If the kids are doing better, you should pat yourself on the back! Cathy

 

[Pink Pearl]

I concur that you are doing a lot now, and doing a good job at being a wife and mother available for her family. Don't beat yourself up, you will not get any help from doing so.

I remember when I was early on in my diagnosis, I would judge my day by how many naps I needed before noon. If it was less than 3, it was a pretty good day. It was not a good time in my world.

You are doing a lot. When you can get the other things done, they will be done. Why not use school holidays to have the kids help you get ready to paint? Kids love to do so, and there is a lot they can do for you to help. Everyone needs to be needed, and this may be your challenge with your children.
Take care of yourself. You're the only mother and wife your family has.
Sally

 

[debatat]

Hi, I understand your feelings. You are doing well if your children are happy though. They are so important. Just give yourself a couple of things to do each day, small tasks so that when you do them you feel you have accomplished something. It is hard living with a chronic illness, we have to accept our limitations. I find it hard, but it sounds as though you have a supportive husband. I am sure he appreciates what you are doing.

Take care

Deb x

 

[ambugirl]

I feel for you. I was an EMT for a long time before all this mess started. My job defined who I was and I still haven't found out who I am now that I don't do that job. I am not employed at the moment and I know I need to be because we need the money but I am just coming out of a flare and I'm still crazy tired. I know what you mean about feeling like a failure cuz I feel that way everyday.

 

[x_claire_x]

Hiya.. oh I know that feeling too. My lovely husband has protected and supported us for the past year financially and pretty good emotionally too. But the only arguments we have consistently is me moaning that I feel 'useless' and a deadweight to my family, but mainly, to him. Poor devil has had a difficult year in this economic climate being self employed in the building sector.... it really bothers me not to be contributing financially. However, healthwise I have definitely benefitted so guess they have too. They just want me as well as I can be to be an active, happy part of their lives... I guess the most precious thing we have is time with those we love.. and that can't be measured... the memories your children will have will be of a mum who has been able to have an active, positive role in their lives.. that is invaluable... keep smiling, you are doing a fab job..
Claire XX

 

[Coastiewife]

Gosh, I can totally relate to where you are coming from. I often times feel useless and a burden to the family. i work full time right now and it is all I can do to get my butt to work for 8 hours and come home. My husband is great about doing the household chores but i still feel like I should be responsible for it too. As many of you have said, my career has, in the past, defined me. i feel less than a person if I cannot work but this might be too much of a further burden to the family as I too sleep the weekends away and have no extra energy for the family outside of the general meals times.

I don't know where the balance is, I haven't found it yet but i wish you best of luck in your journey to find it!

 

[jainy]

I am not sure I can offer you any advice, as I I'm not even sure that I have lupus; but one thing I know is that before I started on synthroid, I could hardly get the energy up to move from my bedroom to the couch.

My iron was low and my thyroid was "sub-clinical" (meaning that my TSH level wasn't so high that it was a great concern, just a little beyond normal) I have been treated for iron and thyroid for about two months now and my energy level keeps increasing. I'm not ready to go back to a full-time job, but at least I'm getting out of the house now.

Perhaps your doctor could check your thyroid and ferritin levels for you?

If it helps at all, I think it sounds like you are doing an amazing job of taking care of yourself and balancing your need for rest against your time to be a parent.