[KarolH]

Hi Everyone,

I am finally getting around to posting a very long story about my mom in a nutshell version. If I did not do this I would have 3 pages typed here.

My mom is what we call a snow bird and spends 6 months a year in the warmer weather of South Florida. She comes back to New Jersey around May of every year.

In March my mom had 2 Heart Attacks followed by Congestive Heart Failure coupled with pneumonia. She spent 2 1/2 weeks in the hospital having numerous tests done while medical personnel stabilized her health. It was suggested she needed open heart surgery yet after a viability study of the heart it was found that the bottom half of her heart is dead and she is not a canidate. Also, the CT Scan of her lungs showed a mass with numerous suspecious nodules.

My Brother flew to Florida and has since brought mom home to Jersey. She was only here one week and had a 3rd Heart Attack. She underwent cardiac catherization and her heart doctor that she has treated with for years was able to un block arteries, some of which were 99% blocked. This really improved her breathing issues as well as blood flow too. Another CT scan of the lungs was performed and again, a mass with numerous nodules.

Once she was released she after getting the heart a little more stable she followed up with a in office visit to her Pulmonologist on Thursday April 2nd. My mom has treated with this guy for years. He is a straight shooter and very honest with his patients. He looked at the CT of the lungs and said, "I am 99% sure your loaded with lung cancer" but we will have to do a couple of tests to be sure.

This coming Friday, April 10th my mom will be having 2 procedures done. A Bronchoscopy to biopsy tissue and a Thorocentesis to remove almost 2 liters of fluid that has built up around the outside of the lung. (In Florida they had to remove fluid from outside the lung too and it was filled with blood) The doctor told me that after he is done he will find me in the waiting room and we will talk about what he thinks. He said he has done this long enough to know when things are cancer prior to a pathology report.

On April 22nd my mom will go back for a office visit to get official pathology results along with discussion of treatment moving forward and the scheduling of a Pet Scan. The doctor is realitively certain that this has spread and probably to the Liver, Brain, Bone or blood system.

My brother will be taking her as I will be out of town from the 18th - 25th and now I am even wondering if I should cancel my scheduled visit to a friend. I feel guilty being gone when the doctor deals the deck of cards to my mom with 100% validation. I am torn over this but my husband told me to get on that plane and go. It is one week and when I get back I will have plenty more real life issues to deal with.

I am sad and the thoughts of my mom dying is hard for me. I am 43 years old and I am not ready to loose my only living parent. I am also a realist and know what lies ahead of me. There are 4 kids in my family and my mom and I are very close. 2 siblings do not live near her and my brother........well he is a man, enough said.

The hardest thing for me, suffering!!!! I do not want her to suffer. If I have to loose my mom I would rather a massive heart attack take her in her sleep.
I also know what lies ahead of me in the care, time and efforts we put in to taking care of a terminally ill person. I will be there right to the end yet I am afraid that this entire process will take it's toll on me as well, physically and mentally.

So, real life has been busy for me and I am sorry I have not said "Happy Birthday" to all of the folks here or taken the time to welcome all of our new members. I guess I have been a little busy having my own pity party and consumed by fear too, not to mention the time I have spent wiping tears from my eyes.

I do want you all to know that I am so happy to be a part of such a awesome group of people who always step up to offer support and lend a ear when someone is down. This means the world to me and I love you all.

 

[granny weatherwax]

Karol

I am so sorry to hear what a horrid time you are having at the moment and that your mother is poorly. I cannot begin to imagine what you must be feeling right now.

Sending lots of hugs to you and your family. It is hard to to when someone so close is so poorly, but please do not forget to look after yourself too!:hug:

Claire

 

[ROSJAC]

Karol, My heart goes out to you. My mom had her heart attack at 59, followed by a triple by-pass. I was terrified thru the ordeal. My younger sister went thru it with me, my brother lives to the beat of a different drum. Several years ago they luckily found an aortic anyurism, and repaired it before it burst, then 2 1/2 years ago she could not breathe and barely walk. The doctor came in and told us he could try more stents for blockage, but could not quarantee she would make it. They put 8 stents in her that day and we were told this may buy her another 2 years. Mom's quality of life is not good and I feel so bad because I can't do more for her because of my own Lupus limitations. When the phone rings in the middle of the night or early morning, my heart sinks. I do not want that call to come. Though we are aware of the ineffable and try to prepare ourselves,the loss of a loved one is devastating.
Lung cancer is a tough one(been there 4 times with loved ones). With each Pet scan comes more stress and anxiety. As for your going on a trip, that needs to be you decision. May you be surrounded with the love and support of family and friends. We are here for you. Hugs and prayers, Rosie

 

[debatat]

((((( Karol )))))

I wish I could take away your pain, but I can't. I can however tell you that I am here for you. I hope that you manage to get the support that you need and the strength to get through this, without compromising your own health. Contact me any time.

Much love

Deb

 

[Maia]

I feel for you Karol... it is definitely a tough position to be in and there are no right or wrong answers, only what you believe is best for you. If you feel the trip will help you in the long run, then go for it especially if you believe you will be able to enjoy some moments at least.

(((hugs)))

 

[Katharine]

A very tough time Karol :grhug: It is so hard to know what to do and whatever we do, we feel is not enough or feel that we should have done things differently.

love and hugs :hug:
Katharine

 

[keebler]

((Karol))
What a tough time for you right now.
I have gone threw a similar experience myself.(daughter) I know how rough it is. I know there isn't enough words to express how sorry I feel for you.

I know this is hard but you need to remember to take care of yourself. Only you can make that decision as to go or stay home, yourself.

Sending loads of hugs.:grhug:
Love,
Lyn

 

[KarolH]

Thank you for your support. Much appreciated.

 

[neongirl]

I'm so sorry you, your mom and family are having to go through this. Losing a parent is a dreadful experience.

My grandma died of melanoma that metastisized to her lungs. While she was sick, my mom and dad had previously planned a vacation and were going to cancel it......grandma wouldn't hear of it. She told dad that she knew he loved her, but there was nothing the could do about her terminal illness, and she wanted them to take the trip. They did ,and it gave my dad a much needed break (he had severe heart problems himself at the time), he got back in plenty of time to see her, spend time with her, and say his final goodbyes. I think the mini-escape gave him time to relax and made it easier to cope with what he knew was coming. I know everyone, and every family is different, that was just my families experience for what it's worth. Whatever you decide, it will be the right choice for you. (((((((((hugs))))))))

 

[cmfinnis]

dear karols,

i so sorry hear thhis about your mums. is very sad for you and yours sibslins. my younger brothers aged 26 had canscer last year, was very heard on us, sthink it trigeered my latest fsevere flare up so please looks after your mum AND yous. tis easy for us to fortet ourseflves when our lovesd ones ill.

thsinking abobu tyou

llove cAthy x

 

[Sage Hen]

Dearest Karol,

I am so sorry, your mom is so ill, and that you are suffering with her.

I lost my mom too..I was 37 and did have many regrets. I think Katherine is right..We always do, no matter what we do or don't do.

Your mom knows you love her. She wants you to live..and be well. She loves you too. She wants you to take care of you..

Thank You..too, for being a supportive, and caring friend, also.

Love,
Sandy

 

[Pink Pearl]

Hi Karol,
I am also sorry to hear about your mom and her illness. What I can add came from my Godfather. To say he had multiple major health complications is an understatement. When his son or daughter went on vacation, he refused to take an emergency # for them. His rationale was that if he died while they were gone, he would still be dead when they got back, and there was no need to ruin their hard earned break.

So, I am going to say to you what he said, that you need this break. You are NOT leaving her with no one...your brother is there and you are just a phone call away. Your hubby is there....check with him daily if you feel the need, but go.

If you feel the need to speak directly to the doctor, set up a time when you will phone him and get the info directly from him. I am sure that this is not the first time that he has dealt with a family member on a trip.

Furthermore, you MUST take care of you. You are worthless if you are burning the candle at both ends and in the middle and running out of wax. There is no way right now that I know of to add in more wax.

Positive thoughts and prayers for all of you.
Sally

 

[KarolH]

You are all so very supportive and helpful with good advice.

I really appreciate the words of wisdom and sharing of others experiences.

It really does help a lot.

 

[sandy123]

Hi Karol

So sorry to hear about your Mother i was your age when my mam Died and i still miss her terribly,you have always had kind words for me when i have needed them,that i wish i could take your pain away.
At the moment i know what you are going through and all i can give you is a big hug.
Hugs from Sandy

 

[LolaLola]

Dear Karol,
I am very sorry to hear such distressing news. It seems like you have been left with no hope whatsoever. I think a Break would be very valuable right now.
When you come back maybe you will feel strong enough to explain to the Docs. about your fears that your Mum will suffer. I am sure they will be able to reassure you.

Do not worry about not doing Birthday Greetings or whatever at the moment. On a site like this at any time some are up, some are down. We need to support you right now.

xxxxxLola

 

[KarolH]

I really do appreciate the support and kind words offered here.

Tomorrow is my moms 2 procedures and surely we will have a clearer picture painted once the doctor can come talk with us.

I am nervous, optimistic yet not hopeful if any of that makes sense.

I will let you all know how we get along.

I hope your all having a good day.:wink2:

 

[greenhaggis]

Karol,

My thoughts will be with your Mum and family tomorrow and of course you!

Hugs!

 

[KarolH]

Thank you sooooooo much Lesley.:wink2::wink2:

 

[macfamily53]

Hi Karol

Gosh i am so sorry to hear this about your mother(((hugs))).That is so hard im sure to loose the last parent you have.i lost my mother at age of 32 and still have my father around but he has had his illnesses lately.
You have a lot of support here for you and will be her for a very long time to.If you ever need to chat just pm me and i will go into chat with you if you need to(((hugs))).Try and take care of yourself((((((((((((hugs))))))))))).

Tammy

 

[KarolH]

Thanks Tammy for the kind words. I have really missed you.

Don't dissappear again ok.:wink2: