[pollianna]

Hi all, me again. Hope yr all as well as you can be.

Am still flaring very badly after my Plaquinel Honeymoon finished. I have noticed that I can't cope with people. I feel terrible today, am weak as a kitten and in awful pain. I just want to curl up in bed but have to work till 9pm

I was living with my daughter until she moved out 6 months ago as she was up to all sorts of mishchief and making me extremely ill. Six weeks ago I took in a boarder because I was so skint. I can't tolerate it Everything she does just drives me crazy!! She came home with a friend who stayed the night without asking, talked back to me when I explained that wasn't on. They completely took over the house and woke me up in the morning early. Now I just can't seem to tolerate it at all.

The whole house smells of curry 24/7 and hair oil, it seems like every sense I have is being assaulted by her presence. I have had to tell her not to leave the sink full of dirty dishes and kitchen dirty, to wash the sheets and she isn't listening at all . She's now leaving the dirty dishes in her bedroom overnight Her relative called my land line at 6am and she back chatted me when I explained that this wasn't on as she has her own phone and I need my sleep.

My daughter was here all weekend too and I hate to admit it but the noise and company has left me as weak as a kitten.

I feel badly that this boarder is having such an effect on me and am confused . I don't know how much is me just being grumpy and ill and how much is her completely taking advantage...

Any input would be gratefully recieved

xxP

 

[elisabethm]

Hi pollianna my advice is get rid of her if she can't go by the rules of your house then it would there's the door close it behind you.There is enough to handle when you are not at your best without someone coming in and making life a misery Hope you get it sorted soon Elisabeth

 

[sam101360]

Pollyanna:

I know the money is helpful, however the stress and aggravation is not. I am not a lwayer, nor am I an in anway an expert on this! That said...here aremy suggestions

I would give the border a list of written rules, with a warning that any infraction of the rules are cause for eviction without refund. If she breaks the rules, give her a written eviction letter giving her 48 hours to vacate and stating your reasons.

Then you can change the locks (about $15 american to get re-keyed as local hardware store), pack up her stuff, and schedule a time for her to come pick them up from your front door. Do not allow the border back in from the moment you evict. Do not put her belongings on the street or out in the elements (either would make you libel for the cost of them).

A suggestion for another border, would be to use a local real estate agent, they charge 1st months rent, but you get a better screen and quality of person. Also, local church, rec center or YWCA may be a good way to get a better breed of border. I would also provide the list of rules with the eviction cluase in it before taking on a new border.

Stephanie

 

[dixy]

Hi Pollianna

Like Liz I would get rid, did u not set ground rules?

I know how u feel I have 2 grown up children living at home.

As much as I love them I feel they take the **** at times.

The stress of it all is too much, you need peace.

Hope u get this sortedASAP. Just reminded me to sort my lot out:hehe:

keep well

Dixy

 

[x_claire_x]

Hi Pollianna.. I think people are exhausting!! especially when they inflict such stress and strain on you.... try and sort some rules out and take care of yourself along the way.
Claire X

 

[Katharine]

Hello Pollianna

This might sound really bad but I find my own children exhausting and stressful and I absolutely adore them...

I am divorced and I only have my kids half the week, I find myself so glad to see them arrive but equally glad when they can go back to their Dad. I tend to crash on Mondays as I find week-ends tiring - just having more demand on my time and, of course, less opportunity to rest when I need to.

I honestly couldn't cope with having a boarder. I think very strict rules have to be set for that and the house have a layout that lends itself to everyone having sufficient peace and quiet.

I think there is also the element that when we are flaring, we will, anyway, be a lot less tolerant, even of those close to us so I think that it is only natural that a stranger will grate even further.

I suppose what you should do depends on what this person is usually like. It does sound like she is lacking respect but I don't know if her intentions are bad or if she simply doesn't understand.

hugs :hug:
Katharine

 

[pollianna]

Thanks so much guys, I am home for 30 mins and back to work for 6, she's not in.....This little window is really breaking up my day nicely tho am worn out..... I do get so confused as I'm so very tired. I know I am less tolerant when I am ill but even so she's not doing what is asked. I am very soft and I do feel that she is taking advantage of that.....

I sat her down and explained the whole thing to her. I gave her ground rules. I told her in no uncertain terms what was expected of her. I think she's being beligerant now after keep being told off as she washes up but leaves one or two things, doesn't clean the pan etc and now the leaving the dirty dishes in the bedroom. I have to pull her up once a day at least. She is almost 25yrs old!!

I will give her notice I think. I will speak to her again and give her a warning tonight that she's skating on thin ice. All of this is stressing me out :worried:

I have a deposit Sam so when she gives me her next month's rent on the 12th June I will tell her she has a month to find somewhere. When she leaves she can have the deposit back and I will explain that if she doesn't follow the rules before she leaves I will give her 24hrs notice....

She is doing a masters degree so I think she's aware of what she's doing and is just pushing her luck and is finding it hard having to adhere to rules.

I think I need to live alone no matter how skint I get. it was the month of work that did it. Can't keep going through this xxxP

 

[pollianna]

Little update, came home 9.30pm as usual, the front door is open I have been walking around for 20 mins and no sign of her, she is in the house. Anyone could have robbed me blind. she's got to go

 

[Joandublin]

Oh Dear :worried:

I presume you meant to write that she wasnt in the house? Thats very worrying and a downright dangerous situation to be put in. You are absolutely right. You must ask her to leave your home.

I hope you get it sorted out fairly quick. You could certainly do without the stress :hugbetter:

Luv n stuff
Joan:rose:

 

[Sage Hen]

I am so sorry, you are having to deal with such a completely inconsiderate
person.

All people are very tiring, but you don't have enough energy mentally or physically, to waste on someone that has no consideration for you as a person, or someone who is gracious enough, to open up your own home to her.

I don't think..I could cope with that situation at all. Leaving the house open, for any stranger with ill intent, is just...well, the last straw, so to speak.

I hope you feel better soon.

Love,
Sandy

 

[pollianna]

Hi guys, no she is in the house but I was walking about for an hr with no sign of her. my living room is right on the street and anyone could have just walked in and taken everything......she didn't come up until I asked her to.......in 6 weeks she has left the back door open twice, downstairs windows 3 times and front door once!!

I spoke to her and she just laughed, gave me some excuse but she clearly didnt care less. I told her to leave in a month and she just smiled! I felt this lack of respect and I was right but I always question myself. I dislike confrontation and she has quickly worked this out and taken advantage.

 

[nettyunicorn]

I dont think you should be giving her the month! i dont know what rules are about these things but it seems to me she is going from bad to worse!
Please be careful!

Nettyxxx

 

[lazylegs]

I strongly suggest you find out from the authorities what your legal rights are in evicting this tenant. Usually if the tenant is paying rent you must give written notice of eviction for a certain term of time. If you don't follow the appropriate regulations you could find yourself dealing with her that much longer.

Take care,
Lazylegs

 

[pollianna]

Brief update guys, the border has told me tonight that she will be leaving Monday....I gave her a month's notice but am glad she's going sooner.

I can't help but feel that my illness has made me so much less tolerant and I feel a bit guilty to be honest that it all went so wrong so quickly :worried:

Am flaring so badly that I just couldn't get back to work tonight, fell asleep on the sofa in agony. My Plaquinel isn't even touching my flares now

Think I need to live alone :worried:

 

[elle-co]

I am so glad to hear that she is leaving. I would be horrified if one of my children moved into someone elses home and behaved in that mannor.
Just a thought, it might be an idea to change your locks as you don't want the worry that she might still have a key.
Hope you can get some rest now.

Hugs
Elle x

 

[onetay]

Pollianna,
I know it is hard to do but you are going to have to tell her this is not working out and give her 30 days to find another place to live. You can not have your life upset like this and for sure not your sleep. It seems like unless you need someone to share the costs with that you would be better to live by yourself right now. Lupus can make you sleep all the time or keep you up all night it all depends on the mood it is in that night. You can be nice about it until it no longer warrents being nice.

I am sure have done her a favor by letting her move in but that it is not working and sometimes that happens not everyone can live with each other and that is no ones fault. The time has come to put the past behind you and find a new roomy or go it alone. I wish you the best of luck and maybe your daughter might be able to help you with this and come and help you sometimes.

 

[keebler]

Great news that she is leaving Monday.:yahoo:
Please don't feel bad about asking her to leave. Sounds like she is a user and good one at that.
Your health is more important than having her around.

I would keep an eye on her though never know what she has up her sleeve.

Lots of hugs,:hug::hug:
Lyn

 

[pollianna]

:bigsmile: Found out today she's leaving now at 4pm !! The plan apparently had been to move out tomorrow when I was at work Hmmm somehow I think not. I explained that she would have to take her things and return at 9.30pm if she left tomorrow. I guess she was expecting me to take time off to accomodate her.

I doubt that she has relaised if she leaves before the month's notice I gave her she's still liable for the rent up to the 26th of June which will come out of her doposit, should be interesting!!

4 hrs to go and she isn't even packing :lol:, never again !!!

 

[pollianna]

Ohh my God, never ever again will I let anyone into my home. I just realised today she may expect a full deposit back even though she left at a moments notice when she was given a month. She seemd too carefree, informed me that she was intending to leave anyway in August, which explains the complete lack of respect... Not only did she expect that but also a refund on the rent for the time she has paid but wouldn't be here

She called a cab and I gave her a cheque for the balance of the deposit. She complaied and I explained it all, worked out all the figures and showed her. She hit the roof and sent the cab away. She then refused to leave until her month was up or I gave her the full amount she thought she was entitled too!! I had already taken back the key and told her she was leaving today....Called me all sorts of things and told me I had no concept of humanity.Then she dissapeared and came back when a man showed up in a car....What a terrible scene!!

I invited him in and asked him to explain to her that the deposit is exactly to cover if she didn't stay the full term and suddenly left and or damaged the room She was reluctant for me to explain the situation infront of him as I guess she had already worked out byt this time that it was exactly correct. Her tone shifted from what was right to what she knew as she was new to this country and didn't understand how things work and I should give her the money because of her ignorance despite the fact that as far as she is concerned I have no new tenant. She is almost 25.... He was less than comfortable and took her to wherever it was she was going.......

Can't help but feel that this isn't going to be the end of this saga :worried:

 

[keebler]

((((Pollianna))))

I am so sorry that you are going threw this. Sounds very stressful.

Someone gave you good advice to change your locks. I think I would do that. She might have made an extra key or something.

Sending you soft gentle hugs your way.
Love,
Lyn