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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I was diagnosed when I was almost 27 I am 31 years old now. My problem is this I recently was told by my sister that she is sick of the way my parents pay attention to me all the time and that she is tired of the way they act like I am dying of something. I never act like this and I can't help that I have had 3 strokes and other issues etc... I still work and 95% of the time i look after my ten year old myself as my hubby is on steady afternoons. I am not sure how to feel she never wants to talk and it seems like she feels that people are being over dramatic. I told her she was mis directing it but I don't think I have anyone to talk to about this. Is she jealous? Like I wish she could be in my shoes for once. My family is somewhat dysfuntional anyway so I don't know what to do. Does anyone else have this problem? I do not ask for the attention. As a matter of fact I am trying to act like I am as normal as everyone else so my siblings will stop being stupid. I can't change my disease so I don't know how to react but this does not make me feel like I have a lot of support.
 

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hi ellen

A big warm welcome to you :)

I am sorry you're feeling upset at the moment,you have come to the right place for understanding as there's always someone who can relate to whatever problem you're experiencing.


I think there is always some level of competition between sibings,...I have 2 younger sisters & I could write a book on the disagreements between us over the years :rolleyes: :) in fact at this present time both my sisters haven't spoke to each other for 7 months but I'm determined to keep out of it as I'm tired of fixing everyone elses problems,got enough of my own :wink2: :)


ellen I think you have done all you can by trying to talk to your sister & as she obviously doesn't understand I would leave her to come round in her own time.
It seems to me that you are certainly not taking advantage of your health situation & are trying to get on with your life as best as you can.
I would be proud of yourself & although it's hard, try not to let your sibings get to you.
& remember you are more than entitled to a bit of extra attention & support... your sister should talk to your parents if she has a problem with it,it's up to them to reassure her.

sorry I hope I don't sound too harsh..I just believe that you deserve support & your sister/siblings should be more supportive..well in an ideal world that is :lol: I think most of us can relate to feeling unsupported at some time or another.


stay positive & we're always here to support you,even if you just need to vent :)
take care..karen x :hug:
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
thanks

thank you Karen for what you said it was definatley not too harsh. I'm glad to know that other people get it and I am not being a baby.
 

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Hi there

I am sorry that on top of all you deal with you have to deal with your sister's nonsense.

It does sound like your sister is jealous and maybe just said it out of anger. But she is the one that has to walk around now knowing what she said to you.

If there is something that I have learned through my life time, is we cannot control what others say, but we can control how we are going to react by what they say. Meaning try to let go of her nasty words.

I know that is easier said than done, and I am guilty of not doing just that. But I do say that to myself and do try to get rid of someone's hurtful words.

Sometimes the way I have to do it is say to them how I feel. You really hurt my feelings with you said to me ...... and what you wrote above is perfect to say.

It is hard when family isn't there for you and says stupid things. I am lucky as I have such a close family. I have two sisters and 1 brother and we are all very close and never fight. If we exchange words, it does not last and we make up.

I hope that you can find some peace and get rid of her hurtful words.
 

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Dear Ellen

I am so sorry on top of having stress already that you have to deal with a sibling rivory.Thats what i call it when me and my 6 sisters go through it quite a bit about a lot of things.I have one sister younger then me and one just two years older then the rest are way older then me :rotfl: but anyway i wish sometimes they would act like they care but the same time glad they do not ask if that makes sense :lol: I never hear from mine and if i do they do not even ask how i am and if they do and i say well im okay just tired of the cold or whatever they stop me right in my tracks like they think they think i am going to dare complain or something.I do not work anymore and sure wish i did work for sure.I still fight myself on that one every day.I think it is so great you still work.I would for sure like the others try not to stress over it as we all know it is not good for us and know it is not your fault.

Well anyway i think we all have a somewhat dissfunctional family :rotfl: really.I have like six sisters two brothers so i do understand stress in a family (((hugs))
 

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I understand!!!!!!

I have a simular situation my mother has even stopped talking to me because I had to quit my job because I was getting sick all the time and I was about to get fired anyway. My faith in God is what is keeping me going I am looking for support groups to talk to as well and you will be in my prayers write me any time I am listening and I know how you feel.
Landy
 

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Hello Ellen,

Yes, I too think your sister is jealous of the attention you get from your parents. Well-people for the most part, just can not understand what it is like having something like this to deal with. They can not comprehend the exhaustion, pain, depression and issolation this disease has upon someone unless they are going through it themselves or are married to someone who has this disease and lives with them day-in-and-out. She has to deal with her own emotions, you can't help her right now, maybe never.
Please don't stress over something you can not change, she has the problem not you.(jealousy) Stay away from her if you can, and tell her you still love her even if she doesn't understand if you have to be around her. It's just not good for us lupies to have extra stresses to deal with. Try to be as happy as possible don't argue with her.

Best Wishes'
Annada
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thank you soooo much to every one who has written such lovely words of encouragement. I think I won't be saying much to my sister light and airy will be the mood of conversation. I think it's just one of those things that no one else really gets except you guys. No one thinks I'm sick because I don't look or act like it. If they only knew how it really was. I used to be a model etc.. and now I don't feel even close to who I was. But anyway, I'm tired of trying to prove it (whatever that means) I'm happy people are surprised when they finally find out about me because then it's an education for them. It's surprising how many people don't know alot about lupus or just assume you die they don't know it's a long tern thing. I hope to be on here a lot more
I've been sick and training for a new job. I'm kind of excited. It's respite work for disdabled children so I'm putting my two life expieriences together. Preschool teaching and healthcare work. Take Care all and God Bless Ellenrose
 

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Hello Sorry to hear about the problems you are having with your sibling.
Yes it does sound as if she is jealous.
More then likely this is a feeling that she can not help but she would be better to talk to you about her feelings then putting it the way she did.

At times when parents are concerned about one of there children they will talk alot about that person to another child. After awhile that one can get to where they feel is this all they care about? and they start to think What About Me?

Sibling rivalry often starts at birth and never stops.
 

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Hi sorry to hear about the problems with your sister, does sound like she is jealous of the attention you get from your parents. Not your fault, she must feel insecure in hre own self. You deserve the care and attention you recieve, it has nothing to do with who is loved more it has to do with who needs the support the most at that time. Relationships are like that sometimes, sometimes a person is giving 90% and the other 10%, but throughout our lives the percentage changes back and forth and is sometimes on a more even level. (therapy speak):wink2: I have a somewhat different situation, my sister, who is a registered nurse, is very supportive and caring and my parents are under the impression that if they don't say anything to me or about the illnesses then they don't excist, so I am left without their support. It is not a flaw in me it is their own inability to handle things that are uncomfortable. Still stinks though.:sad: I find that this message board offers me so much that it kind of makes up for some of what I don't get from them. Sometimes it takes someone who is going through it too to really understand. Take care, Karly:there: :flowery:
 
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