Geesh, what a stupid thing to say !

Would'nt it be good if you could come up with a retort to make yourself laugh at the very moment she decided 'give you stupid advice'

Its never there the second you want to say something...is it?


Let me think retort:hehe:

1. "Oh there is nothing wrong with me, I just like to gain sympathy and make people stop what they are doing and give me their advice.

2. ' Im in 'character for a film Im in. Dont you recognise me?/ could you move away as you may draw attention.


3. 'It belongs to a friend , Im just trying it out.

Im sure there are other retorts which are better than mine...

People are such twits.

You know, I just don't see this sort of behaviour as being helpful. I really think that people need to be come more aware about disability, and just plain learn some disability etiquette . It gets to be an incredible pain in the whatsit to have endless people wanting to 'help' me all the time, when I just plain don't need it. Honestly, if I had 5 cents for everytime I said (politely) 'no thanks, I don't need any help' to strangers who are butting in and trying to 'help' when I am doing just fine, I would be a millionaire. Ditto when I am in a wheelchair - door opening is just one of those things you learn to do from a chair, it's no biggie.

On a very fundamental level I see this as being about physically able people seeing me as someone who is less than capable of looking after herself, just because I have a disability. They need to learn to look past my disability and see the capable person I am.

This is way beyond someone opening the door for me - in that situation of course I would just smile and say thank you, even though often it is funny to see the herculian efforts some people go to to get to the door in time to open it (sprinting towards the door to get there in time etc), when I am quite capable of opening it myself.

Honestly, I couldn't give a two hoots if I offer some physically able person the 'comfort of knowing they helped me', especially if the help wasn't helpful. Actually I find the thought of doing that makes me want to throw up! People do amazing things, they grab stuff that I am carrying out of my arms (how rude) etc etc, just because they decide I am can't do it, when actually I can.

I am very good at asking for help when I need it, and yes at times I ask a total stranger to help me out, and I am always very grateful for their assistance.

It's not my job to give other people the warm fuzzies for interferring in my life. I have noticed a huge difference in the way strangers treat me since I have become so obviously physically disabled. If I am out with someone else (family or friends), strangers will often ask THEM what I would like, rather than asking me directly (for example, they will ask whoever I am with 'would she like tea or coffee' rather than asking me). Perhaps I should be grateful for this too. My family and friends ALWAYS answer (bless them) 'ask her'.

oh well, the joys of disability politics

cheers

raglet

Hey Raglet,

Your message really struck a cord with me. You're absolutely 1000% right. Senseless acts of "kindness" can truly be maddening...

I couldn't stop laughing when I read that people grab stuff you're carrying because they decide you just can't do it and need help. At the checkout counter in the supermaket my things always vanish magically from my cart and they always, always magically appear (neatly placed and all) on the counter belt. First couple of weeks this happened I would spend about 5 minutes trying to determine if I've got the wrong cart and where my stuff went off to and how as I couldn't think of anything else that might have happened to it....naive me...! And when someone, after I gave up looking and asked the person behind me for help (because of course nobody would talk to me during this dance; they just let me search like mad in silence) with locating my stuff they, without fail, said something along the lines of: "oh poor sweetie I moved it for you because you couldn't do it... Oh poor sweetie they're just here; why isn't anyone here to look after you? Ts ts ts" .

I tried to be polite for a few weeks as I was too stunned to do anything else really, but I'm happy to say that now whenever I approach the supermarket checkout counter I just say "if anyone moves my stuff they'll get conked on the head with the cane" and that's that :lol: . Sometimes it works and other times my stuff still lands on the counter without anyone saying anything and most of the times I just laugh when I find the stuff has jumped to the counter, but really these people need some lessons... I know that most of the people who do things like that mean "well" (and I do try to explain some stuff when I can) but as they say "**** is paved with good intentions" and some people really to learn that people with disabilities are their equals and not less-than others.

Zoi

I told my sister about this thread the other day. She has RA and walks with a stick on a good day and a wheelchair the rest of the time. She has 3 children and gets a load of hassle for using disabled facilities because obviously if you are young and have 3 kids you are not allowed to be disabled or she gets really nasty comments about how poor her kids are for having a disabled mum.

Anyway when I told her about some of the tales on here she recounted what had happened to her at the supermarket that day. As she pulled into the disabled parking bay and old man came up to her banged on the front of her car and started shouting that she couldn't park there. She had her baby and older daughter in the car who was frightened by the man and so my sister told the kids to sit tight and the man would leave.
He didn't. He kept on shouting and swearing and so my sister not wanting her daughter to hear such language calmly got her kids out of the car. If the guy hadn't seen the disabled badge in the front of the car he sure would have noticed her very obvious physical difficulties. Midway through wedging the baby into her buggy a security guard came along and asked the man to leave he was verbally abusive to the security guard as well so he was escorted to his car.
My sister stood and watched with glee as the security guard discovered the man was parked in a disabled bay and had no disabled badge and so was fined £60!

It is beautiful when peoples ignorance gets them in trouble rather than just frustrating us!

Dear Raglet,
A few of the things that have happend to me....BUT.....the other way round.
I worked for over 20 yrs for various airlines...which included caring for 'disabled passengers I always got 'em.
Once taking a skiing accident passenger in a wheelchair from the aircraft....leg stuck out in a plaster in front of him...i saw the lift closing so a dashed along and pushed him inside...it was only a short elevator and his leg went smack against the wall....
Another time I had to escort a blind passenger to the plane ...I was the that busy chatting away to him..i forgot about the wet floor sign...well i saw it..but afraid he didn't..he was taken to the aircraft by wheelchair...
Then I was pregnant and had to take an elderly foriegn lady to the plane....I don't know what she had beeen eating but i'm sensitive to smell anyway....so she ended up helping me tobe sick at the bottom of the aircraft steps!!!!
I do always ask first 'can I help you'...don't know how lucky they are if they say 'no thanks'

Marika

I am so aghast reading these tales of what has to be endured. I can't match them because I dont have any obvious disabilities but I do have a story about the interference aspect which some of you have heard before.

When my lupus was not controlled, my face skin sort of flaked off after flares as the inflammation subsided and the blistering healed, rather like paint peeling off a wall. Even with excellent camouflage make up for all the redness and stuff you can't totally disguise that sort of textural abnormality.
I was chatting to an acquaintance at a fairly posh do when she said "Clare you have a piece of tissue stuck to your face", at the same time she reached out and pulled the bit of old skin clean off. This left a very red raw patch about a square inch almost bleeding as the new skin was still growing underneath. It hurt too!

:rotfl: She was so mortified, talk about shock horror, it was almost worth it because I never liked her anyway. The way she looked at me, then at this piece of skin she was holding in her dainty perfectly manicured fingers was priceless.

:rotfl: Sad sort of thing to laugh about but hey, much better than crying

Clare