Its my big London appointment next week (with Dr Khamashta at the London Bridge Hospital) and now I'm absolutely bricking it. I got to see him without a GP referral, so he has nothing to go on to start with, and its all up to me. I have had so much going on in my body for the last three years (as well as lots of stuff intermittently for 10 or 15 years before that), that I really don't know where to start. I was almost hoping I'd be in a flare when I went down, but it seems like things are calming a bit at the moment anyway. I'm just so nervous that I am going to muck it all up by not being able to give a coherent history or explain symptoms well. I've tried writing key point lists of what is going on, but it all gets to be a mess when I have muscle and joint things, skin things, gastro things, bladder things and neuro things all happening at once. I do have someone going with me, but she's not the best at describing my stuff either. I'm just really hoping that I'll start talking, and he will be able to then take the lead and ask me questions, because otherwise I just don't know that I'll be able to get across anything sensible. What really scares me is that I will rant too much about things that aren't rheumatology, but then miss telling him significant stuff that would help him make a diagnosis. At this point, while I have some lupus features, I'm still not convinced that it is just lupus anyway.
Must try not to panic!
Must try not to panic!