[Jirel]

someone tell you they could see that you were getting worse? That wasn't a doctor that is. As I posted before I've really been messing things up lately. I had a friend over last night to help me do my mail and catch up with somethings around the house and help get me straightened out.

Now this lady has in the past said things like "Don't think like that" and "you're just being a hypochondriact". Sometimes she understands, sometimes she doesn't. But this time she said "I could tell you were getting worse but I didn't know how to talk to you about it because you are very headstrong." And when looking at the check that was returned from Cobra she said "This doesn't even look like your handwriting, its too shaky." I was really surprised and fell kind of weird about it. Its the first time ANYONE has said that they've seen a degression in my condition. When I was working I've had people say I looked exhausted, but its not quite the same thing. Most of the changes I've been the one to notice the difference. (I live alone.)

 

[Lis]

Hi Jirel
I've got some great colleagues at work who know when I'm not well and always tell me I need to take things easier or even have a couple of days off. I really appreciate their care. My family always know when I'm having a bad time without me telling them. However, I get so many 'well-meaning' people who constantly tell me how well I look even when I feel as if I'm dying -those are the ones I just smile at and say thank you! If someone is telling you that you are getting worse maybe it's time to see a doctor.

Lis ​

 

[lazylegs]

Hi Jirel,

People close to me can usually tell when I am having a bad day. My husband can tell by my eyes. My daughter knows by my speech pattern when we are on the phone. The surprise was when a customer at work commented on it. I am usually smiling but instead he said I had knit my brow and was acting confused. In general most people can't tell though.

It was really nice of your friend to come over and help you sort things out.

Take care,
Lazylegs

 

[lin]

Hi jirel, i htink ppl close to you that know you really well, know when your not good, well i have good friends and family that know me by now, hubby always knows as do family and close friends, even gp knows


glad your friend noticed xx

 

[confused1]

Yes, people who know us well can tell what's going on. My husband knows when he sees my face how I'm doing, no matter what I say. I get spots on my face when things aren't good, and he says my eyes show it. I have two friends who can tell when I hit a bump. They can hear it in my voice on the phone, even.

And I have one good friend who has autoimmune issues herself and she and I have this sort of weird connection. I just know when she's down. I can sense it and I call and get her husband who tells me she's in bed and bad. And she's the same with me. Odd, I know, but friends see these things.

I'm glad you have a friend looking out for you.

Sunny

 

[LolaLola]

Jirel, If ever I get really ill I find I become very indecisive. I don't know if others here are the same but for me that is a very serious warning sign. Friends have to point out to me when I am like this.
x LOLA

 

[granny weatherwax]

Hi Jirel

I have a great boss and she tells me in no uncertain terms when I am looking a little "off colour" and inveriably tells me so (not always politely:lol and sends me home. Even my husband has come home from work seen me laying on the sofa with a blanket and said something to the effect of you look like death warmed over! Or if I am tired he will say "your tired" (usually because I am crabby and snap at the slightest thing).

So yes I think those who are around us the most and know us (sometimes better than we know ourselves) quite often notice when we are not too good even before we say! hope this makes sense?

Claire

 

[Monica3]

Dear Jirel,

I could be wrong here, but it sounded like you were a little upset about how this woman addressed her observations with you. While she believes she is being honest with you, she is lacking a tad in tactfulness I think (i.e., headstrong? hypochondriac?). Personally, I am not sure how much I would trust someone who called me a hypochondriac, but that might just be me.

When you are having a flare, it's especially important to have people around you that support you. Can you accept her help around the house despite her comments that aren't really supportive? If you have honestly considered what she has said and feel she is inaccurate (i.e., headstrong is really having more experience with your disease and how to treat it), then you have every right to limit contact with her at times you really need support.

Hope I was not so far off that this sounds nuts. I just think that characterizing you in ways that aren't accurate can be hurtful. You deserve better, especially in times of need.

Feel better. Be good to yourself. Reach out to those who love and accept you.