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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Today I got a reminder call from the doctor's office with regard to my 6 month eye exam. I take Plaquenil so I have to have my eyes checked twice a year to catch any possible damage to the retina. I know many of you know about that and do the same. Then yesterday the dentist called about my 6 month cleaning, which I've always done, but is especially important now that I've been dxd with Sjogren's. Also, I recently got a call from the OB/GYN for my annual exam, plus the rheumy's office calls, who I've been seeing every two months lately. Apparently it seems like I get a lot of medical calls because my husband made a nasty crack about it after taking the call from the opthomologist's office. What can I say? I have to get my eyes checked, have my teeth cleaned, see various doctors. I don't like it, but it's my life now. He's not always so insensitive but he does have a low tolerance overall for sickness over the long haul so this could turn out to be a problem. The thing is, there's really nothing I can do about it. :sad:
 

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Hi Jesse,

I am very sorry, your husband hurt your feelings. I know, it hurts to think, our mate doesn't understand our needs.

Maybe, he will realize how, he sounded, and apologize for his insensitivity.

Best Wishes,
Sandy
 

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well, just remember he's not in your shoes. he cannot completely understand the severity of what you're going through. whatever you do, just don't let it bother you. that's the last thing you need to worry about. keep doing what's best for you!
 

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((((((((Jessie))))))))

I am sorry that you are feeling hurt by the one person you maybe would expect to understand and support you. I wish there was something I could to to make this easier for you, but I think sometimes it is hard to understand something you have never experienced (and probably never will). I know my hubby finds it hard sometimes to understand, but he tries. I think he has come home from work a time or two and seen me on the sofa looking like death and has said so, so I think he is starting to get the idea.

I think it is his family (and mine) that don't see me that often tend to expect that I can just carry on as I would normally do and tend to voice things that would just tip me over the edge. Sometimes I would like to scream at them, maybe one day I will.... might wake them up a little lol! Or maybe they will see me one day when I look like I have just walked out of Michael Jackson's Thriller video :rotfl: that might do the trick.

I hope that you are ok and will be thinking of you.

Claire
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Sandy, forever, Claire, thanks for your posts. I knew the people here would "get it." He really does (finally) understand the seriousness of all this but I guess once in a while it becomes tiresome. I've decided to make a point of keeping a little bit lower profile on the whole thing when I can. There's no hiding the pain days, he sees it in my eyes, but I have to go to the drugstore often for my meds and I'm going to try and do it when he's not around so he's not quite so aware of it. There's nothing I can do about the reminder calls from doctors' offices, but whatever I can minimize myself, I will. He's quite good about the whole thing overall, but I guess it's a bit much for him at times.
 

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Dear Jesse, I must admit my Husband takes one tablet a day and moans about that. I am on about 25 and find his attitude on this a bit much.
Hugs,
Lola x
 

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Jessie

I hope thing are ok. I am sure he did not mean to hurt you, sometime's we say things that we regret later. I like you try to keep as much to my self as I can as I do not wish to be a burden. Even still he will notice now if I am walking stiffly because my joints are sore and the like. I feel quite lucky and blessed by some of those around me, but not everyone.

Look after yourself, don't bottle things up too much!

Claire xxx
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Hi Lola, hi Claire,

Things are better. He's being a bit more attentive than usual. Maybe he realizes he was being a beast? Anyway, he does try to understand but I still have to remember to keep most things to myself. I think it will be better that way.

Thank you everyone, for your responses. It really does help to vent sometimes.
 

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Hi Jesse,

Sorry I am late to post a reply to you. I am sorry your husbands tolerance is low for these kinds of things. I wonder how he would feel if he were the one who were sick? I am however happy to hear he is better towards you now.

Most of my phone calls I make and receive during the day when my husband is at work. He has never treated me badly with my illness but I just choose to keep a lot to myself. I feel like what he does not know wont hurt him.

Keep your chin up and know that your husband, my husband and any other woman's husband have all hurt our feelings from time to time. The good thing is a man who can recognize that and admit fault.

Enjoy the up coming holiday.:wink2:
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks Karol. I think your approach is a good one. Unfortunately, with both of us retired, we spend 90% of our time together, which is usually a good thing, but there are times when I really do need more privacy to take care of my medical needs. I have one Friday morning when I do volunteer work and after that I can pick up prescriptions, but I often need something before then and he's always with me. And the checkbook reflects the charges, so it's hard to minimize how much medication I take. He doesn't complain about the cost at all, he knows I have to have these meds, he just gets weary of the whole thing on occasion. Well, either he gets used to it or he and I have to spend more time apart so he doesn't have to be part of it.
 

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Some people use cracks like that as a form of sarcastic humor to cope with things that bother them. I know I might personally make some kind of joke to my husband if I had taken that many phone calls for *myself*! It's possible it's just his way of coping; and wasn't meant to hurt you in any way. He may have realized that it did hurt you however so he could be trying to make up for it now.

Good to hear that he is making an effort and being extra attentive now - long may it last!
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Yes, Maia, I think you're right. Thanks for your response.
 

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Well Jesse, if he gets weary of it all just imagine how you feel. I think when 2 folks are retired it is a good thing to volunteer your time, both of you, out of the house and with other people.

I think too much of any good thing is no good and I know if my husband were home with me he would have to find something to do apart from me. I like my time, my space and I am sure he would too.

Keep your chin up.:wink2:
 

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Hi Jesse,

You might consider getting a message recorder for your phone. We let ours take all the calls and only pick up if the call sounds like it needs a response. This has been especially helpful on my bad days.

Take care,
Lazylegs
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I do volunteer work every Friday in addition to occasional days of volunteering for the local food bank, Salvation Army, etc. I don't want to commit to any more on a regular basis because I never know how I'm going to feel from day to day. I hate having to call in sick, even though I don't get paid. Even when you're a volunteer, people depend on you and I will only do as much as I can feel dependable with.

My husband has his own interests and volunteer work, but it involves working at home, so we're still together a lot. For the most part, we like all the time we spend together. It's just once in a while that we feel we need more breathing space.

We do have a machine to pick up calls, but we don't like to screen those calls. If it rings, we like to pick it up. It won't make any difference if he hears a recorded voice reminding me of my appointment when he picks it up or when he hears it on the machine. The only way around that problem is to tell him not to pick up at all, and he's not going to do that. No, he'll just have to learn to live with things the way they are. This is my life now.

Believe it or not, I got yet another call from a doctor today. My mammogram showed a suspicious spot and I have to go back tomorrow morning for another scan just to make sure nothing's wrong. My husband didn't make a crack about that message! He did, however, make a joke about increasing my insurance, LOL. He knows I'm not really worried yet, and he wanted to make light of the whole thing.
 

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Hi Jesse,

You sound like you have a good husband. My husband, gets tired of my medical costs. I don't blame him. I cost him a lot of money. I feel guilty about it too..

I wish things were different for us, but we have imperfect bodies, and live in an imperfect world. Medicine, is very expensive.

It is time..for an M.R.I.
eye exam
blood draw
and mammogram

Not to mention..all of my meds.

My husband is shopping now, for different insurance..to save costs. I told him, it may end up costing more in the long run, to change, If I have to start all over with different drs..

I guess, I am rambling, but I really just want to tell you, that I think I may understand, what you are saying.. and feeling.

My husband has his health issues too, so he knows how it is to be chronically ill, but even so...the bills wear on him. :(

I want to wish you well, with your testing. I had a sterostactic biopsy done several years back, and they planted a little seed for future monitoring..all has been fine, so if yours goes that far..it isn't always bad news. :)

Take Care, and let us know please, how things go for you?

Your friend,
Sandy
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Thank you Sandy and Lola, I appreciate your kind thoughts. Yes, my husband really is a good guy and I really shouldn't blame him for the occasional lapse. He enjoys excellent health (no prescriptions of any kind at 62 years of age) so it's probably a little harder for him to relate. But he does his best.

Sandy, is it even possible to get new insurance when you have a dx of lupus? I thought people with our health issues would certainly be denied insurance for that pre-existing condition. We're fortunate to have good insurance, but the co-pays do add up.

Thank you for telling me about the sterostactic biopsy. Now I'll know not to freak out if it comes to that. I wouldn't have known that it doesn't have to be as dire as it seems. I really appreciate that information.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Just as an update, I heard from the radiologist's office and my second mamogram was clear. Apparantly there was some kind of shadow on the first film that wasn't there on the second film, so all is OK. No follow up needed. Whew! Guess I dodged a bullet there.

I must say, my DH was extra attentive these last few days while I waited for the results. I think he was more worried than I was.
 

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Excellent news Jesse! Phew! Nice to know hubby was that extra bit attentive. I hope you made the most of it! ;)

Luv n stuff
Joan:rose:
 
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