[Blackhawk]

Hello Everyone!!! :wavesmile:I have been here for a while just lurking in the background but I've finally decided to start posting & say hello.I have multiple autoimmune disorders including Lupus,FMS,MS?,NASH (liver disease),Syndrome X,Heart problems PSVT,Pericarditis & Endocarditis,Seziures,& multiple other illnesses but there just too many to list them all.Those are just the severest.

I am a mother of a beautiful daughter who is my world.I am also a Firefighter & Paramedic.But I'm not able to work because of my healt but I am able to volunteer on the days I feel up to it.I have been dealing w/different autoimmune problems since I was a small child but was finally dxed about 15yrs ago.Things started going down hill even worse when I got pregant w/my daughter 11yrs ago & things have just gotten so much worse faster since.The thing is that everytime they dx one thing they find something else to add to the list.Lucky me,right?? I have multiple different specialist who are handling my care.I don't have very many people that I can talk to about what all I'm going through,feeling,thinking, that know & understand what is happening to me.I am starting to have a harder time accepting the things that are happening & going on w/me.I'm just not sure what to do anymore.With as hard as things are on me I know that they are harder on my family but especially my daughter & b/f.I have been sick all of my daughters life so she's never known anything else.Even so I know it is taking a toll on her as well.

That is enough about me.I decided to start posting because I have seen how nice,carring,supportive,& helpful all of u are.I would like to be more part of this group.I look forward to talking & getting to know u all better.Thanks in advance for reading this.I hope u all have a wonderful week.

 

[Katharine]

Hello Blackhawk

I'm so glad tha you have decided to start posting. As you say, this is indeed a very caring, supportive site.

It seems that you really have been through the wars and I'd say that you have a lot of experience to share.

If we can help in any way, I'm sure we'll all do our best to do so,

I'm afraid I really have to dash - one of those dratted doc's appointments :lol:

speak soon,
Katharine

 

[Joandublin]

Hi Blackhawk

Welcome to the Forum My, oh my, but you have had such a rough journey with your health :worried: :hugbetter:

Its very tough when we see the strain that our illness puts on our loved ones, particularly our children.

Its lovely to meet you and I look forward to getting to know you. This is a great place full of lovely, supportive people and Im glad you decided to jump in

Hope to talk to you soon
Joan:rose:

 

[lazylegs]

Hi Blackhawk,

Welcome to the site. I was a fellow lurker at one time too. I am happy you have decided to join us.

In addition to reading the posts I hope you check out the chat room. It is a great way to get instant support and develop friends along the way. Hope to see you in there soon.

Take care,
Lazylegs

 

[keebler]

Hi Blackhawk,

Welcome to the lupus site. It is nice to meet you.

Like you I have a very supportive husband and family. They understand what I am going threw. But.... I is great to come here and talk to people that really know where you are coming from.

Take care,
Lyn

 

[onetay]

Hi Blackhawk,
Welcome and glad you came out of the back round finally. I guess I am what you would call out spoken, my mounth runs faster than my brain lol. You have a lot going on and need someone to talk to, so I am glad it was us. I can't wait to chat with you in the chat room.

Children are stronge, I know this because like you my mom was sick my whole life and I was her mircle child. She was not to live past 5yrs. old and she did, she was not going to make it to be a teenager and she did, she would never make it to get married and she did (lived thru an abusive husband and found the courage to leave being pregnant), she was told she would never ever have a child and guess what here I am. I am telling you all this because I would not of took any of my mom's little feets away from her and she was my mom and I loved her dearly. She was not able to play with me like other mother's or do things other mother's did but we had very special times. I saw my life as normal, I did not know anything else and would not of changed a thing other than I wish she was still here. Your daughter is lucky to have a mother that loves her and cares for her so many children have parents but not the love that is in your words. Believe me when I tell you she don't mind, it may not seem like it right now but she would rather have you the way you are then not to have you at all. I hope in time you will realize just how lucky you are, I know it don't seem like it right now.

I did not mean to ramble, just wanted you to know there are people that understand where you are right now and I will support you in your hard times.
Tammy

 

[Blackhawk]

I would like to start off by giving u all a huge :grhug: :grouphug2: & I would like to thank u all so very much for the wonderfully warm welcome that u have given to me.:flower2: I feel very welcome here.

Tammy> While reading ur comment I started crying.You know exactally what my daughter is going through & feeling since u have been in here shoes.Also u know what I am going through & feeling because ur a mom & am sick like I am.I worry everyday about how my being sick is going to effect Victoria not just now but when she is older.I am only 30yrs old & have all of these multiple different illnesses & disorders just wrecking what little health I do have left along w/my life.I am going to have to have heart surgery w/in the next couple of months because of all of the damage being done to my heart.I too have been told that I will be lucky if I live to see 35 much less making it to 40.I am unable to take care of little one by myself so she stays next door at my parents 95% of the time.It kills me that I'm not able to take care of her the way a "normal" mom would be able to.I am honestly doing the absolute best that I can.She is my world & the only reason I am still here & breathing.I'm only hanging on & fighting because of her.I know that I am so very blessed to have this wonderful child in my life.I love her more than anything.
I have a wonderful support system that includes my parents, grandparents, brother, daughter, & my wonderfully increadible boyfriend.He knew when we started "dating" over 8yrs ago that I was sick but I don't think he could have ever imagined (or would have wanted) to get into.He has been there for my compleate low & decided to stay when others would have run away screaming.I don't know what I would do w/o him either.He & Victoria are my rocks & strength.I'm very blessed to have all of them in my life.But it is hard to talk to them because I know that they get tired of living all of this much less having to hear about it all of the time.I just need to have other people who know what I am going through & understand to be able to talk to about these things.That is why I decided to start posting.
Sry so long.Plz forgive me.I must be going I have been up for 48hrs straight & need to try once again to get some sleep.(like that is really going to happen) I have pneumonia in both lungs so it is hard to sleep & not to.But I do need to try and get some rest if nothing else.
Looking forward to talking to u all again later this week.When I am feeling a bit better.

Huge Hugs to u all!!! :foryou: :grouphug2:

 

[onetay]

Blackhawk,
I did not mean to make you cry and for that I am sorry. I just wanted you to know it was a choice and like you, I was the reason that my mom hung on so long and then when she had grandchildren that was the worlds end for her. She had come full circle. Just know that I believe in my heart she would and is choosing to be there with you all the way. I wish you the best with the up coming heart surgery. Start getting in the right frame of mind to come through it stronger than when you went in. I am here anytime you need someone, I know so many have been here for me. I believe that you are a stronge person and can make it past whatever comes your way
Tammy

 

[sheila t]

I just wanted to welcome you to this very friendly and supportive site.

Sheila x

 

[Karen Elizabeth]

Hi Blackhawk,

Glad you decided to join us and do hope you get lots of love and support from friends here. You have a whole lot to deal with but sounds like you have so much love around you. Wishing you well in the operation and praying you will recover soon after. Your daughter sounds delightful! I have three children (teenagers now) and I love them to bits too.
Take care - lots of hugs - xx

 

[Blackhawk]

All of u have given me such a warm welcome & for that I am greatful.You all are so very kind.I am really feeling at home here.I am looking forward to sharing w/u all & for adding my .02 worth.I hope u all have a wondeful weekend.