[confused1]

Hi all, I haven't posted in a few months. In September my son and I went to Phoenix because my mom had been dx with terminal liver cancer. While we were there she gave up chemo and we helped her resolve to move into hospice. My sisters both live there. The expense was horrid financially and physically I was so ill. It was very hot there and you can just imagine the stress.

So here it is January. Mom is still in hospice. My younger sister, who has been my friend for 45 years never spoke to me after September. She won't say why. She wouldn't even speak Christmas and the older sis, who moved to Phoenix about a year ago (this woman has poisoned my life every time possible) only says the younger one no longer wants a relationship with me. I cried for three days straight and was really sick for a long while. Christmas seemed dull and colorless and I'm still grieving.

But I have some hope on another front. I have an interview Tuesday to see if I can be in a chronic pain study. I have no idea if I will qualify, or even if I can handle the requirements. But this is the first hopeful development in a long, long time regarding pain.

I weaned off half my Neurontin dose months ago. I now take just 2 600mg doses a day. I wanted to get off all of it. And I went off pred. when I got back from Phoenix. I was having too many infections .... kidneys, lungs, fingers, you name it. I couldn't handle lowering the Neurontin any more than I did. And my ms contin dose (stable for two years) now is no longer enough. But I can't stand to think about more meds because I fight exhaustion all the time and every daytime dose means an hour or more of sleep before I can function again.

I will let you know if I get into the study. I'm really hopeful. Maybe I can have some control over my life again and look forward to days without pain. Or even hours without pain.

I hope everyone has relief from pain and sickness and hope for the New Year.

Sunny
Washington State, USA

 

[lazylegs]

Hi Sunny,

It would be fantastic if you could get in the pain study. I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Sorry to hear you have even further family issues. In my opinion it is your sister's loss.

Take care,
Lazylegs

 

[lin]

((((((((((((((sunny))))))))))))))))) thinking of you,

take care Lin xx

 

[Clare.T]

Dear Sunny
I hope with all my heart you will get some relief for your pain both physical and emotional. I wish I knew why people behave so badly and how to deal with it. Maybe your sister just can't deal with the family situation. Maybe she doesn't know herself. I expect your older sister milks it for all she can. Family crises that you'd think would bring relatives closer seem so often to have the opposite effect.Things so often "are as they are" but it's still intensely painful.
Love
Clare

 

[elle-co]

(((sunny)))

I'm hoping that the new year brings you some much needed happiness.
It is so sad that the people we should be closest too are often the ones who hurt us the most.

Please take care of yourself

Elle x

 

[flutterbye]

(((Sunny)))

I too want to send you hugs and best wishes, I hope that you do indeed get into the pain study and that that will be a good thing for you.

I am sorry to read of the family difficulties, and don't really no what to say, families can bring us the best but also the worst, and sometimes there just isn't anything we can do, doesn't stop it hurting though does it.

Much love, and hoping for much brighter days ahead. xx

 

[keebler]

(((Sunny)))

I want to give you some hugs and tell say that you are in my prayers.

Family members are hard to figure out why they are mad. I am sorry you have to deal with this stress.

Love,
Lyn

 

[granny weatherwax]

(((((Sunny)))))

Oh Sunny what a stressful time you have had. Families can be so bad to each other and sometimes it is over something that could easily be resloved. My hope for you is a better year and that you can sort things out with your sister being best friend. In the mean time I am sending big hugs and thoughts your way.

Take care of yourself

Claire

 

[Monica3]

Dear Sunny,

So sorry to hear about your multiple stressors. Good luck with the study--I hope you are accepted and benefit from the research.

Re: family. I had a similar issue come up that was starting to get under my skin after years of the same behavior on my family member's part. Finally, I spoke my mind on the issue--said everything I wanted to say about it, including how I felt, what I had expected, what I would like to see happen--and felt I had achieved some peace and acceptance with that event. I cannot feel bad that I never tried, because I did. Can't beat myself up for asking what I needed---because I did. Now, it is up to them. Though they have not changed as a result of my sharing, I have...I no longer expect behavior that I will not get from them, thus sparing me on-going disappointment. I have accepted that this is the way they are and the only thing I can change is me and my reaction to them. We have continued to interact and that air is clear. Now, in your situation, with your sister not talking to you, you might want to consider writing her a letter that you might decide not to even send. Think of it as an exercise in expressing your feelings and what you want from the relationship. If you finish the letter, reflect on it and do not have any regrets about what you wrote, you might want to send the letter. You could do this with your older sis too, or talk to her by phone since it sounds like you still talk.

Just suggestions...based on what worked for me.

So sorry to hear about your mother. Just say everything you want her to know before her time comes and you won't have any regrets.

Best wishes to you.