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How does everyone manage the energy to maintain the effort it takes to keep you relationship healthy? :help: Right now I don't have the energy to maintain the friendships I have let alone work on finding and keeping an alternative relationship. I barely have the energy to keep myself presentable so that I can stand myself let alone attracting anyone else.:sigh: Right now, at this moment it is easier to be living on my own and depending on the kindness of others, although at times it is very lonely.:worried: But someday I would like to have a closer relationship and perhaps live with someone else and help contribute what I can to the household, share good times and bad, and get a dog again when I can share responsibility.:dog: :dog: :late: Oh, I am sort of just babbling and dreaming about stuff this Sunday afternoon. karly
 

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Tis very difficult, when you're feeling good, its good but unfortuanately when i'm going through a bad flare and time, my boyfriend gets the WORST deal out of it, which makes me feel guilty too. When you get into a stable part (medical wise) you will feel better enough about yourself to start and make an effort. Wishing you good luck and health for the future xxx
 

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Hi Karly

I think the key is you have to find the good 'uns. I have been incredibly lucky that my close friends and family understand that I just can't socialise regularly or pop away for the weekend like I used to. I keep in close touch via e-mail and phone and in some cases talking about lupus brought us closer as they confessed to all their medical secrets!

I have also been lucky that I have a great man. My boyfriend works long hours in a stressful job and then a lot of the time when he gets home he has to cook and clean because I just can't, even though I've been sat on my bum all day. And then there's the bad moods when I'm having a rough time of it, the fact that he is always worried about me... But it turns out that some people will deal with all this to be with the person they love. Crazy, huh?

I hope that things get better for you and that you find that special relationship (and the dog!). Much love, xx
 

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It is not easy being in a relationship with this illness. My husband is quite wonderful, but I do feel the guilt of being out of work right now earning no money and in the middle of a horrible flare. He does almost all the cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, plus working full-time. When I'm at my sickest and like right now....on 60 mg prednisone, I can get so moody and mean to him that I feel even guiltier. Plus, intimately, we have no kind of relationship right now because I am on so many drugs and I know that is hard on him. I also don't like to talk when i feel bad and I think he gets lonely. I just kind of shut him out sometimes and stare at the TV.
But if you focus on the good times when you are feeling better you never know when that person will come along. Usually when you're not looking for them. If you're religious at all, I suggest going to a church to meet people.
 

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I agree with what everybody has said.

I have a great husband and we met when we were 14 years old. However, 30 years later, if you were to ask him if he would have stayed with me early on if we knew i had lupus, etc. he would probably be very honest and say no - he would not.

My problems have only caused difficulties that affect all of us during the last few years. Bless him, I think he was very disappointed when i started to get the way i am.

Really, it's better if i give one word answers when he asks how I am feeling - 'ok' or 'not great' is all he requires. The rest is dull and boring. I would sound like a broken record if i described my symptoms. We just bumble along during the bad phases and take advantage of the good ones.

There are a lot of good people out there, and plenty to love you for who you are - warts and all, but finding the energy to maintain a realtionship is not easy.

I have to admit that when i am unwell i just don't even try. I slop about in scruffy old clothes, don't brush my hair or do housework. Meals become BASIC. Sometimes my husband has tocome home and make food for all because i am busy sleeping.

He accepts that's the way i am now and i accept that he does not need the details.

I hope things get better for you soon Karly.

Take care

:love:
 

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I'm with everyone else - my husband is wonderful and has his own health problems but he didn't expect to be landed with my condition. In fact for years he thought I was a hypochondriac as at times I just didn't feel well enough to do things but couldn't say why.

I have to agree with Alwin in that I use limited words to describe how I feel. My hubby is very knowledgable about lupus but if I was to say that I feel really bad he would respond 'how bad - does this mean a doctor or an ambulance?'. Even when we had a recent trip to the ER I waited till he got home and calmly told him that we had to go but it was nothing to worry about. I didn't tell him I'd already packed an overnight bag until later! I do this with friends also as they glaze over if I go in to too much detail. It's a fine line or a rock and a hard place - it's just finding the right way to manage it and unfortunately it's not written down anywhere.

Karly - you may be in a better position than a lot of us to meet people where you are up front and both you and the other person know what you are taking on. I'm sure there are good moderated sites like this where you may be able to meet like minded people.

Hugz, :hug:

Pam xxx
 

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Karly, I know what you mean. I go through that too. I have a relationship right now, but he is in the USA, and I live in Canada. What makes it even harder... he is working in Iraq as a fireman at the moment. I am very lonely at times. It takes a lot of energy,but I know when he gets back and we are together, it will take even more energy... but you know what? It is worth it! I have been alone for 30 years. I haven't felt well, for the last couple of years (my 20's), so now that I am 34, I find myself alone and it sucks. When I am together with my boyfriend, everything is so much better. I can't explain it.
 

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Dear Karly

I di know exactly what you mean about not having energy for myself more less someone else but i have been blest to be married to my hubby for 26 years now and for some reason he still puts up with me :lol: even though for the last 8 months i have gained so muchhhhhhhh wieght and im noit even kidding on that one but still somehow i keep going for his sake and mone also i guess.Even though lately with trouble with my thyroid and other things i really just want to sit down and not move for quite awhile:sad: .I sure hope you do get feeling better and soon to.:)

Tammy
 

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What a reassuring post. I'm exhausted. More than I should be even though I have 5 kids :p It is difficult. Especially when I look fine for the most part.

Glad to not be alone.
 

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Hi Karly

Thank goodness I was already married before I got sick with this lupus. I would not be able to do another relationship right now. I was in remission there for a while and was living normal. But while being sick it's hard developing any kind of relationship or do things you want to do. If i feel decent then I can function but normally pay the price for having fun. But hey! One fun day for me is priceless!
 

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I feel very blessed with my husband.
We met 7 years ago and was diagnosed a few months later.
It has only been for the last 3 years that my health is not good.
Am in a horrible flare at the moment, so spend a lot of time on the sofa reading or watching telly.Really got into series now lol.
Luckily my hubby is very easy going and loves to cook, so I haven't cooked in 7 years now.He also does the shopping.The rest of the house I do when up to I feel up to it.I usually can hover and dust ant my own pace ad on a really good day I do al the wash in one go:)
My daughter lives with my ex husband and she comes over when she can and helps out too.
I listen to my body now and when I have a bad day I have a bad day and cuddle up on the sofa.Luckily my hubby works form home too:)
 
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