I found out 4 months ago that my husband of 21 years has been having an affair for 18 months. Afterwards we started having sex again. His sex was unprotected. I have since had numerous female problems. Can someone please help me. I am scared to death. Right now I have numerous knots across my stomach. I have pain and also UTI's and bladder problems. I've never had these problems before. Could it be that my body coud not fight off something he has given me. I am so depressed. Please help me.
Husband's Affair
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Sheila, I am no expert but a friend of mine was in your situation and was tested at the local GUM clinic. The staff were very nice to her and they are used to dealing with innocent parties who need to be checked out. I would strongly advise you to find your nearest GUM clinic. Also do you have a good GP who can give you support?
What happened to you is rotten, I hope you can find the best way forward for YOU!
x Lola
What happened to you is rotten, I hope you can find the best way forward for YOU!
x Lola
The woman was sleeping with three other men at the same time and her husband has numerous one night stnds all the time. My husband thought he was the only one and thought he was in love with her.
Dear Shelia
I am so sorry for your most unhappy predicament. I agree with Lola that your best plan is to visit first your GP and /or STD/VD clinic. If you are in the UK this can be done anonymously but I am not sure how this works in the USA
There are several online forums which help those who fear they have contracted HIV/AIDs.
Forgive me, but I don't know if you have lupus or fear you have lupus so I am not sure why you have posted on a lupus support forum. Lupus is not a sexually transmitted disease.
Please let us know if we can help you further in lupus related issues
Best of luck and many hugs. I hope you are OK and wish you happier days
Clare
I am so sorry for your most unhappy predicament. I agree with Lola that your best plan is to visit first your GP and /or STD/VD clinic. If you are in the UK this can be done anonymously but I am not sure how this works in the USA
There are several online forums which help those who fear they have contracted HIV/AIDs.
Forgive me, but I don't know if you have lupus or fear you have lupus so I am not sure why you have posted on a lupus support forum. Lupus is not a sexually transmitted disease.
Please let us know if we can help you further in lupus related issues
Best of luck and many hugs. I hope you are OK and wish you happier days
Clare
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2,192 Posts
Sheila,
I am terribly sorry to hear that you have found yourself in an unfair and scarey situation. I totally agree with everyone here when I say please go and get checked out. You can go into any Health Dept or STD Clinic and get tested and be completely anonymous. Yes, that is here in the states. Many places will even do the testing for free and then if necessary help arrange for further medical treatment, medications, repeat testing and counseling. Also, if positive test results, your husband should get tested as well or you would face possible re-infection.
It is awful that you have to go thru this and I wish you all the best. Remember that you are the most important one here and you need to do what is best for you. Hold your head high, things do have a way of working out.
Nancy
I am terribly sorry to hear that you have found yourself in an unfair and scarey situation. I totally agree with everyone here when I say please go and get checked out. You can go into any Health Dept or STD Clinic and get tested and be completely anonymous. Yes, that is here in the states. Many places will even do the testing for free and then if necessary help arrange for further medical treatment, medications, repeat testing and counseling. Also, if positive test results, your husband should get tested as well or you would face possible re-infection.
It is awful that you have to go thru this and I wish you all the best. Remember that you are the most important one here and you need to do what is best for you. Hold your head high, things do have a way of working out.
Nancy
i do have lupus. Sjogren's Syndrome and Fibromyalgia. I had gained a lot of weight and didn't feel loved or attractive. Since all this started I have lost 55 pounds.
Aw Sheila ((((((hugs)))))) to you and welcome to the site!
I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this. I do hope that you will take the previous advice. You need to get yourself checked out and I would go so far as to suggest that your husband does too. One would hope that having been through this together you have both got to a point where you can now talk about it and support each other.
I know people who have gone through similar and they did come out the other side as a stronger, even more loving couple.
You also need to remember that despite lupus, pain, weight and so on. You are still you. You are still the woman your husband fell in love with and this is NOT your "fault". You're in this together.
With the people I knew the husband had some pretty severe confidence issues going on too. Their painful time finally brought it all out in the open and meant that they could find each other again. I'm glad that that healing happened for them as that person lost her husband three years later but she lost a man that she loved deeply and that she understood so much better than ever before.
Katharine
I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this. I do hope that you will take the previous advice. You need to get yourself checked out and I would go so far as to suggest that your husband does too. One would hope that having been through this together you have both got to a point where you can now talk about it and support each other.
I know people who have gone through similar and they did come out the other side as a stronger, even more loving couple.
You also need to remember that despite lupus, pain, weight and so on. You are still you. You are still the woman your husband fell in love with and this is NOT your "fault". You're in this together.
With the people I knew the husband had some pretty severe confidence issues going on too. Their painful time finally brought it all out in the open and meant that they could find each other again. I'm glad that that healing happened for them as that person lost her husband three years later but she lost a man that she loved deeply and that she understood so much better than ever before.
Katharine
Dear Sheila,
The extra weight was not your fault, and many of us find sex or even cuddles a bone crushing experience. This is not something to beat yourself up over.
55 lbs is a lot to lose, I am worried that you have lost muscle, which will not help. Please try to eat some good food, even if you don't want it.
x lola
The extra weight was not your fault, and many of us find sex or even cuddles a bone crushing experience. This is not something to beat yourself up over.
55 lbs is a lot to lose, I am worried that you have lost muscle, which will not help. Please try to eat some good food, even if you don't want it.
x lola
Sheila,
I know what you are going through but I was only married 2 yrs. with a 7 month old baby. I could not find away to forgive him so we left and I filed for a divorce. I am not saying that is what you should do, you have to search your heart and see if you can get past it all. As for any other problems you are having I would go to your personal ob/gyn and tell him/her what has happened and that you need to be tested for anything that the doctor feels maybe causing the problems. If you come back with something ask the doctor how you could of gotten this when you have never had this problem before. I would also be telling your husband that since he had unprotected interaction that he has to be tested that you want to know you are safe as far as medical problems. Honey, you have had a bad thing happen to you and all I can say is to look inside yourself and do what you can live with and nothing more. You have a right to know if you have been given something and you also have the right to ask your husband to be checked for any problems so that is one less thing you have to worry about. 18 months is a long time to have a secret. I hope that you are ok and that it is just something that happened and not something that someone has given to you. If you need to talk I am willing to listen anytime.
I know what you are going through but I was only married 2 yrs. with a 7 month old baby. I could not find away to forgive him so we left and I filed for a divorce. I am not saying that is what you should do, you have to search your heart and see if you can get past it all. As for any other problems you are having I would go to your personal ob/gyn and tell him/her what has happened and that you need to be tested for anything that the doctor feels maybe causing the problems. If you come back with something ask the doctor how you could of gotten this when you have never had this problem before. I would also be telling your husband that since he had unprotected interaction that he has to be tested that you want to know you are safe as far as medical problems. Honey, you have had a bad thing happen to you and all I can say is to look inside yourself and do what you can live with and nothing more. You have a right to know if you have been given something and you also have the right to ask your husband to be checked for any problems so that is one less thing you have to worry about. 18 months is a long time to have a secret. I hope that you are ok and that it is just something that happened and not something that someone has given to you. If you need to talk I am willing to listen anytime.
(((((Sheila)))))
I am checking in to see how your feeling and if you have received help from a doctor yet? I hope your doing better.
I am sorry this has happened to you. I trust that you will handle this situation in a way that works best for you. I hope your ok.:wink2::wink2::wink2:
I am checking in to see how your feeling and if you have received help from a doctor yet? I hope your doing better.
I am sorry this has happened to you. I trust that you will handle this situation in a way that works best for you. I hope your ok.:wink2::wink2::wink2:
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