:needhug:
I am so tired of the pain, the eternal itching, the nausea, the medicine, the fatigue, the insomnia, the numb toes, all the stuff we have to go through, tests, tests and more tests. I see the opthamologist on Friday, shoot I lost my new glasses, who knows where they are? I have no idea. They're bifocals too, medicaid paid for them and I am not sure they will give me another pair or not. My eyes are itching so badly, my face feels like it is on fire, and I wish I could just sleep from rheumatologist appointment to rheumatologist appointment. So many of my friends have distanced themselves, and I am still not over giving up Keegan, everywhere I turn there's a Boston terrier or someone named Keegan. I have a lot of difficulty walking and so I am limited to where I go and how long I am out. I know I am not troubled by some of the more dangerous parts of lupus, but the depression that has come along with it is bringing me down. I got used to the shots, because at least I wasn't swallowing more pills.
I guess I am feeling quite sorry for myself these days,:blush: I would just like to have a day go by where I don't feel so sad and lonely, desperate or at worst just want to crawl under a rock. I used to get on the computer and I would have lots of emails from all different people now all I get are spam and ebay notices where I have spent money I shouldn't have.
Got to stay off of that ebay, because I am already short on money and I haven't even recieved my disability check. In the hole before I start.
My fault of course, I try to stretch the money, but it sure doesn't go as far as I would like it to. My implant treating my chronic depression doesn't really take care of the depression that comes with chronic illness, it basically just keeps me from stepping out in front of a bus.
I cry all the time, anything can set me off, a tv show, a thought, a commercial, nothing in fact, I just start crying and feel terrible. I am basically alone in this tiny apartment with the tv, and computer, this site is helpful, but I find I am running out of things to say except that I am so tired of it all. My family is busy and like I have said before people are angry withme because I gave back the puppy and now don't talk to me anymore. I feel so down and worthless.:worried: Seems like I don't have much to offer anyone. My judgement is way, way off and that and money don't get along well. Of course once I get down to nothing there is no more to spend.:wink2: I can at least pay my bills and get some gas and hopefully all of my medicine. Well, thank you for letting me whine and complain. Karly:foryou: :grouphug2: