:sadwalk: :help: My next appointment with the rheumatologist is on the 30th and it feels like it is years away from now. 
With this flair has come tons of life stressors, my car being broken twice this month and so far all together in the shop for two weeks and no sign of brain function there and hopes of finding out what is wrong with it.....the apartment manager accused me of cashing a refund (for the pet deposit for Keegan) which I have never seen or arrived, they are "checking on it" after one month and my urgent need for that money for meds and food which would be nice to have. I dread the night because I don't sleep, when I do the UTI I have right now causes incontinence, when I wake up I am swollen all over, it's hard to breathe, my ribs hurt, my feet are numb, I itch all over, my eyes feel like someone threw sand in them, I don't leave the apartment because I just cannot manage to get up and dressed in something suitable to see other people in and I don't feel like talking to anyone, plus my feet get huge just sitting there. Going to get the mail is a daily ritual that has a rest break in it and the mailboxes are just inside the front door of the building....my muscles are killing me especially my thighs and upper arms. Lack of support is a big thing for me, dad is non-excistant, my mom has become a victim of my brother's manipulation and yelling, she is afraid of him and he will not let her do anything that involves me, he yells whenever I call her, she hides in the bedroom to talk to me. He has her trapped there doing whatever he wants, she is afraid of him and the conflict and yelling, I am going to call my sister to see if there is a way to deal with him while taking care of my mom. He of course is 45, no job, no inclination to do anything but sponge, why does he have a Phd. for ? I guess one of the worst things is my depression, I just feel alone, unless I am on the computer talking to you all, but other than that it feels like I am fighting this all by myself. I just don't have the energy to do the things I want to do, need to do. I just feel like life goes on while I sit and watch it speed by. I can't increase my anti-depressants because they are at max, so is my implant (which treats treatment resistant depression). I feel like a huge raw nerve just getting hurt over and over. My sense of smell has gotten more intense and even the lotion I use to try to stop the itching is irritating my nose and burning my eyes. Boy, it is a good thing I am not a violent person, it would be ugly, instead I am a fat lump on the couch waiting on the days to pass. Thanks for letting me rant, boy I wish I could sleep until the 30th.:worried:
With this flair has come tons of life stressors, my car being broken twice this month and so far all together in the shop for two weeks and no sign of brain function there and hopes of finding out what is wrong with it.....the apartment manager accused me of cashing a refund (for the pet deposit for Keegan) which I have never seen or arrived, they are "checking on it" after one month and my urgent need for that money for meds and food which would be nice to have. I dread the night because I don't sleep, when I do the UTI I have right now causes incontinence, when I wake up I am swollen all over, it's hard to breathe, my ribs hurt, my feet are numb, I itch all over, my eyes feel like someone threw sand in them, I don't leave the apartment because I just cannot manage to get up and dressed in something suitable to see other people in and I don't feel like talking to anyone, plus my feet get huge just sitting there. Going to get the mail is a daily ritual that has a rest break in it and the mailboxes are just inside the front door of the building....my muscles are killing me especially my thighs and upper arms. Lack of support is a big thing for me, dad is non-excistant, my mom has become a victim of my brother's manipulation and yelling, she is afraid of him and he will not let her do anything that involves me, he yells whenever I call her, she hides in the bedroom to talk to me. He has her trapped there doing whatever he wants, she is afraid of him and the conflict and yelling, I am going to call my sister to see if there is a way to deal with him while taking care of my mom. He of course is 45, no job, no inclination to do anything but sponge, why does he have a Phd. for ? I guess one of the worst things is my depression, I just feel alone, unless I am on the computer talking to you all, but other than that it feels like I am fighting this all by myself. I just don't have the energy to do the things I want to do, need to do. I just feel like life goes on while I sit and watch it speed by. I can't increase my anti-depressants because they are at max, so is my implant (which treats treatment resistant depression). I feel like a huge raw nerve just getting hurt over and over. My sense of smell has gotten more intense and even the lotion I use to try to stop the itching is irritating my nose and burning my eyes. Boy, it is a good thing I am not a violent person, it would be ugly, instead I am a fat lump on the couch waiting on the days to pass. Thanks for letting me rant, boy I wish I could sleep until the 30th.:worried:
