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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
okay where 2 start... recently i found some man and we have fallen in love with each other. we decided to get engaged, but as a muslim, hes got to go to my parents and ask for my hand in marraige...

as much as i love him, i cant bring myself to tell him about my lupus incase he leaves me. i am quite young, i am 18 and ive had it for two years.

past boyfriends have never known about this and i always knew that one day id be too scared to fall in love because the day will come than i would need to come clean.

my cousin died from lupus when she was 10, but that was a long time ago and my aunt has it. my whole family tell me not to worry, as long as i take my medicine because back then they never had the type of medication i have. bu they dont understand, for me its too hard 2 deal with and explain and its as if they dont listen 2 me.

i want to have children, and i dont know if lupus will affect my chances. i once watched a film about a lesbian couple, the woman gave birth to a little girl, and later on was diagnosed with lupus, she soon died shortly aftre ( may i add that this is a true story)... i want to know will this happen to me? i just want to know... god can only answer that question

this is eating me alive, and i dont know what to do

how do i tell him about my lupus? i never thought it would be so hard. i dont want to keep it from him but im ahving to. and it feels like a dirty secret :(
 

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Hi there and welcome,

I can understand your fears and I know that the problem is never as clear cut as it may seem to an outsider. However, I strongly believe that hiding something from the start in a relationship is not the best way to start out.

At times you will need your husband's support and help if you're going through a flare or having a bad time in general. He needs to know what he's getting into.

Of course, I also agree with your family when they say that medication is far better now etc. and you have just as much chance as anyone else of having or not having children etc.

I'm not in your shoes but if I were I would tell him. I wouldn't make a big deal about it, I would just tell him.

I met my husband a month before coming out of remission so he has seen me slowly decline and then get quite ill. He still asked me to marry him and he is wonderfully supportive when things aren't so good. As to him being afraid of me having a chronic disease - He feels there's more chance of me getting run over by a bus than dying from lupus and I'm sure he's right :)

keep in touch,
Katharine
 

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Hi,

It is only fair to tell this man. If he really loves you in return it will make no difference. If he doesn't, it is better that you find out now.

Even taking medication there is bound to be a time when you will flare. You will definitely need his care and support during this time. Without it, there will be added stress for you which is not good for you Lupus.

The decision about children is between you, your husband and your doctor. It will depend on the severity of your disease and the medications you take. There are possible risks involved for both you and the child. You also need to factor in the demands of raising children. It can be very difficult when you have a chronic disease. I would do as much research as possible before making your decision.

Take care,
Lazylegs
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
aah its always easier said then done. ive been in bed for a constant 5 hours crying and yesterday i was so close to telling him butsomething came over me, he thought it had sumthing to do with my dead father and he got emotional to me. thats when i realized im fooling him and i dont want to lie. as for being pregnant, can the medication affect my child?
 

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It all depends on what medication you are on. Some Lupus medications are deemed safe for pregnant women and indeed many doctors will want their patient to remain on some medication in order to avoid the risk of flares.

Other medications are contra-indicated with pregnancy.

What medications are you on?

Joan:rose:
 

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okay where 2 start... recently i found some man and we have fallen in love with each other.
Congratulations!!! How wonderful for you !!!!

this is eating me alive, and i dont know what to do
All I know is life isn't a do over. So live today for all it is worth. Enjoy the beauty that is in the world..for me it is enough to appreciative and admire that it exists. Value the gifts you bring to the world be it a kind word to one who is sad or the ability to think outside the box and find solutions. Share those gifts with others, even if getting up is impossible.

how do i tell him about my lupus? i never thought it would be so hard. i dont want to keep it from him but im ahving to. and it feels like a dirty secret :(
I guess you trust that his love is as strong as yours. Would you leave him if he told you he had lupus? Wouldn't it be better to let him know now ( I'm sure he isn't clueless even if he doesn't have a name for what ails you. If he is the one, then trust his love instead of doubting it.


Joanne
 

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Why start a relationship with a lie?

Not telling him now would be a cruel "joke" to play on him. Would you really want him to find out in the middle of a crisis?

When I started dating my husband, my older sister told me that I needed to tell him about Lupus and ITP. This was back in 1975 and not much was known. Additionally, I was in remission and off all medications.

He decided that it wasn't important and we have been married over 30 years. When we were 7 years into our marriage and childbirth almost resulted in a loss of both the mother and baby, my husband got his first real taste of what the future would hold.

We made it through that crisis and have a wonderful and beautiful "miracle" baby 23 years old. Before she was born, he decided that there would be no more children.

There have been more crisis during the ensuing years.
 
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