Warning, this may be a ramble and a boring read. I am wondering what is with me lately? Can anyone realte to this?
Lately, my social skills are terrible. I know, the Cell Cept is helping my brain problems a lot, and with head pain, especially. My thinking problems are gradually getting worse, however. I am forgetting more and more. I feel terrible because, I can't remember my family member's birthday's or to make appts. I got lost in the car the other day..That! was really frightening.
I called my Psych Dr. and they got me in fast, because, I am bursting into tears again, at most innapropriate times. I am very unstable. It is embarrasing for both myself, and those around me. My Dr. put me on Valporic Acid. I have taken it in the past, and it did help my mood, but I got terribly plump taking it. I am desperate to be stable, so I am going to take it anyway. I wonder..though, if I am destined to get progressively worse in my thinking? I try to reach out to others, and somehow, I am not connecting.
I can tell in conversation, that I am irritating others. My husband and my Dr, both told me I don't make sense sometimes. I was explaining my mood instablity and thinking problems to my Dr. and he asked me if I ever got lost
while driving. I told him the truth, and he told me he thinks I should stop driving! I already feel isolated and lonely. I try to busy myself with my hobbies and try and tell myself to pretty up my surroundings, even if I feel bad...I always, have the intent, but, just can't do much without getting exhausted and suffering pain for days..afterwards.
We are in the process of packing to move..Just last week, I was contemplating painting my current home. I am two blocks away from two of my grandchildren now, when we move..If I can't drive, I will seldom see any of my grandchildren..They are the light of my life!
My husband still works full time. How am I going to get to the Drs? I have an appt. on average every two to three weeks. I know I am not the first to work these issues through...but, at the risk of sounding self pitying. I am overwhelmed!
I think, I have lost all social skills. I don't trust my mind anymore. I can't track often..in conversation. Someone can be talking to me and I don't hear them. Why? Is this just Lupus progressing? I asked my Neuro if I am getting dementia and he said I had no brain shrinkage. I feel lost and well...I guess, you can guess. Sorry, If I am depressing you...
Any ideas for adjusting? I don't want to be a burden, to my husband. I can't rely on my children for help. They all work full time, and have struggles of their own. I'm just not sure what step to take next..
I hope the Valporic Acid mixes with my current drug mix. You know..how it feels..
Yes, life is still good. It is just not always very easy! :wink2: