Hello Friends,
I just need to vent. I am soo tired, and so tired of hurting with every movement. The meds are not helping me, in fact some of them are doing more harm then good. Prednisone for example has turned me diabetic. They have taken me off of it and now I am hurting everywhere. I was taken off of MTX and put on Imuran and I don't see any difference in this drug. The Utlram doesn't seem to be as effective as it used to be, neither does the Lyrica. I really hate going back to the Rheumy on the 12th and shake my head no, I am starting to feel like a nut case. The uticaria and angioedema went away but is back now worse than ever. I feel so ugly and hate going out in public now, I hate all the stares that I get. I hate that I smell like Icy Hot instead of my perfume, I hate that I can't hide my pain from my kids anymore, they notice with every step that I take. I hate that "people know someone who had mild lupus and are now cured, why can't you be cured?" comments. I hate the "maybe you are just depressed, they say that depression hurts" comments ( I am not at all invalidating depression, I feel for those who are going through that). I hate that my family (father) had "read up" on Lupus and tells me that it is "manageable". If it is so manageable, then why in heck can't I manage it? I am so sorry to be such a downer right now, I have just had enough.
I just need to vent. I am soo tired, and so tired of hurting with every movement. The meds are not helping me, in fact some of them are doing more harm then good. Prednisone for example has turned me diabetic. They have taken me off of it and now I am hurting everywhere. I was taken off of MTX and put on Imuran and I don't see any difference in this drug. The Utlram doesn't seem to be as effective as it used to be, neither does the Lyrica. I really hate going back to the Rheumy on the 12th and shake my head no, I am starting to feel like a nut case. The uticaria and angioedema went away but is back now worse than ever. I feel so ugly and hate going out in public now, I hate all the stares that I get. I hate that I smell like Icy Hot instead of my perfume, I hate that I can't hide my pain from my kids anymore, they notice with every step that I take. I hate that "people know someone who had mild lupus and are now cured, why can't you be cured?" comments. I hate the "maybe you are just depressed, they say that depression hurts" comments ( I am not at all invalidating depression, I feel for those who are going through that). I hate that my family (father) had "read up" on Lupus and tells me that it is "manageable". If it is so manageable, then why in heck can't I manage it? I am so sorry to be such a downer right now, I have just had enough.