I have had enough!

Hi Angie,

I think that partners can sometimes react in this way through fear and concern for us. On the one hand, he may be quite afraid of lupus. Let's face it, so few people know much about it.

On the note about survival, the vast majority of people with lupus now stand as much chance of living a normal life span as the rest of the population. Some would argue more as we do learn to look after ourselves more, pace ourselves better and also possibly spend less time on busy motorways (I do anyway :lol.

I remember that, when I first came here it caused by husband some concern. Thankfully he was tactful about it (I have a redhead's bad temper - that may be why!). He was concerned that I was getting myself too involved with people that were ill and spending time in a depressing environment. I mean, let's look at it from the outside - what else could a site about lupus be about other than moaning and groaning with a good dose of general depression? How wrong people can be!

He actually kept silent about this for a while but brought it up when a close friend I made here was extremely ill. She could have died (not from lupus) and he was concerned about the effect that would have on me. Of course, it could have a bad effect if ever that were to happen but I tend to take things from day to day and although I am very close to that friend and although I would be extremely sad if anything happened to her, I am mainly very happy and priviledged to know such a person and if someone told me I could only know her for a short time then I'd accept that just for that priviledge. Having that friendship has been so so important to me and got me through many a bad day and many a battle.

It's silly really as any friend, next door neighbour, relative (including him)...could, potentially have an accident and die but that's how he reacted.

Partners need a lot of time to get used to someone possibly being diagnosed with a chronic illness. It is as much, perhaps more, of a shock to them as it is to us. We do, afterall, feel ill for ages. In some ways we welcome and crave diagnosis. For them, it is far easier to put their heads in the sand.

Give him time, be gentle and, as someone else suggested, maybe talk about it a bit less (that's why here is so great, it unburdens relatives).

love and hugs :hug:
Katharine

Hello Angie

Good about the test results and seeing the doctor.
About your husband's attitude, all I would say is that the man has spoken about his needs and concerns even if he did express them in a belligerent manner. By now you probably know as much as you need to know at this stage about lupus. If you do have lupus or similar you need him on your side!
Also you will have to start learning to live with it yourself and as a couple. It takes time for family to become educated and understand the needs of their sick relative, sometimes a very long time as they adapt to the whole idea.
Men typically get angry when they are frightened and can't express their emotions - maybe women do too!, so tempers are running high and nerves are fraught.
So graciously give him your time and attention right now. It costs you nothing but will make a big difference to the relationship.
By the way it seems you have a very demanding job and sick people need as much rest as they can get. It's very easy to spend hours on line without getting much benefit which could be better spent sleeping and recovering one's strength for the next round of challenges.

Take good care of yourself ! Good Luck on Wednesday- I hope you start getting some answers.

Bye for now
Clare