[Liz V.]

I've had lupus for 11 years now. I've just finished 6 months of cyclo. My last BF broke up with me after my first cyclo treatment. I'm not saying he broke it off becauseI have lupus but I can't seem to feel a bit depressed and burdened by this disease and my love-life failures.
Please, if anyone would be so kind as to share their 'love story' with me...perhaps it will give me some hope to not 'give up on love' ...

 

[Katharine]

Hi Liz

Yes, I can give you some hope and to sum it up I'd say that if it didn't work out, I'd say it has more to do with him not being the right person than lupus. When it's the right person the rest doesn't matter.

I met my husband about three months before slowly coming out of a two year remission. I didn't know I had lupus and presumed that previous problems were due to stress that I had had at that time. When it all started again I thought it was my thyroid and said to S that he needn't worry, I'd soon be as good as new... the poor man is still waiting and he jokes about it when we talk to friends.

My health then spiraled downwards. I got a diagnosis and shortly after that (not linked of course) a proposal

Things have been tough for me these last three years but I am so lucky to have had an absolute rock at my side. He knew me as fiercely independent and self-employed (I had picked myself up from a divorce where I was left with nothing and I had bought my own house etc.). I went from that to the person I am today; the good days and the bad; I can't work any more; we can't plan things easily due to my lupus.... but we still love each other just as much!

Hope that's slightly reassuring!

Katharine

 

[WanePoetic]

Here's what I think:

Try e-harmony. I had a close male friend. I knew that he had taken the e-harmony free personality profile test, but then not signed up. It still sends you matches. I got strep throat, and was housebound and bored, so I took the e-harmony personality profile test, and also did not sign up. In my matches I find "Mike, 21, 6'1", student, nonametown, Ohio." :rotfl: So we decided, what the heck, let's date.

And we did date, for two and a half years. We got married in February. (I've been sick the whole time, and long before, although I was only diagnosed in March. {I used to hide how much I was sleeping from him before the dx, when everyone had me convinced I was just sleeping because I was depressed.})

 

[Pink Pearl]

I have to agree that the breakup was more to his lack, than yours. There are worse things than being single. You want a companion, get a dog.

You want more, accept the life you have, and learn to be comfortable with it. If you have to break dates due to health issues, then invite him over to a quiet movie night. There is life in, with, and through lupus. Loan him your The Lupus Book or order the lupus booklet from NIH/NIAMS and then go thru his questions about how it affects you. [For new people, I prefer the NIH/NIAMS lupus booklet. In the US they are free. www.nih.gov/niams/] Plan ahead and let yourself have a rest before you go out or he comes in. If you are limiting salt, give him the shaker after you have taken your popcorn or use parmesan or cheddar cheese grated in lieu of salt. Low salt cheeses aren't too bad. Or have a veggie tray if you are limiting calories. Use one of the better brands of dip or ranch dressings - love "Annie's Naturals; Cowgirl Ranch". Just a couple ideas....

Check with your rheumy before you drink alcohol with your meds. Some conditions/meds rule out alcohol. I order "virgin" drinks if I go out.

Take care of yourself
Sally

 

[lup92]

I've had lupus for 11 years now. I've just finished 6 months of cyclo. My last BF broke up with me after my first cyclo treatment. I'm not saying he broke it off becauseI have lupus but I can't seem to feel a bit depressed and burdened by this disease and my love-life failures.
Please, if anyone would be so kind as to share their 'love story' with me...perhaps it will give me some hope to not 'give up on love' ...

Well you asked for hope so I'm not going to share my love stories with you
I can give you some practical advice though. Unfortunately, because I don't know you, that advice is going to be based on assumptions and guesses. I hope none of these upset you....

I'm guessing your last BF was healthy and able-bodied? You can still date such men if you want but why not narrow the market by going for those men who are looking for/have already dated women with life challenges?

there are two free websites that I know of:

Dating4Disabled.com and EnabledRomance.com that are jam-packed with able-bodied men (and that's why I'm not of the sites anymore, ) that SAY they are open-minded about dating disabled people. Of course, what non-disabled people think about disabled people and the realities of Lupus and other chronic diseases are two different things, but you may be able to sort that out in email before/if you decide to meet up with anyone.

You will have to be prepared to go through the brutality of being judged on your photo though, otherwise you might not getting many guys contacting you, even though the ratio on those sites is probably in exact inverse proportion to the women: men ratio of Lupus sufferrs on this site :lol:

Good luck and better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before and all that :wink2: