[sadieone]

I'm fine.

This is what most of us say when asked how we are feeling,, I'm fine.

Do you feel better today?? i'm fine.

I'm not fine!!!!!!!!!
I have a chronic disease that lurks in my blood day after day terrorizing all parts of my body at will.

I have my good days and my bad days but i'm NOT BETTER AND I'M NOT FINE.

I'm going to let you know i don't feel good by stopping because of pain when i walk . I won't fake it to make you feel better around me. I'm going to express what i feel,, not to be dramatic but to be real.

See, this way you can't say i'm faking it,, and u won't dare ask me to do this or that and it will go away. Because you will see the stress, pain, frustration, depression i'm actually going through every day, no matter what i do.

I'll be happy when i'm happy, i'll do more when i can do more.. but i'm NOT FINE and i have not and will not get BETTER. To me better means all symptoms gone.

How are you feeling today???? I'm feeling
Are you feeling better today???? Its a good day
Have you tried homeopathic,herbs, dr knowitalls stuff etc?????? YES!
Maybe if you exercise more you'll feel better????? YA THINK?!?!?!?!

I will not put on a face for everyone and say I'm fine so they can go behind my back and say """well, she says she's fine,,,, she looks fine to me,, i don't know why she has to stay home or can't go out with us anymore.

So Stop AsKING!!!!!

P.S. as you can guess this is not a good day for me, so this is my vent for the day,,,, thanks you for listen
Love to all of U

 

[Maia]

I hear ya! I've felt the same way at times too... take care and hope your vent helped

I am so accustomed to telling people "I'm OK." or "I'm fine" because I just don't want to get into it. Only a select few will understand, and for me dwelling/thinking about my illness is not good for me anyways. I have walked a fine line between not wanting to be known as "the sick one" and have that be my biggest identity versus letting people think a little too much that "I'm fine".

 

[christianirc]

Thank you!!!

May I copy that? I would like to send it out and I can't think of a better way to say it. You've said it all!

 

[sadieone]

Brenda,

Make as many copies as you like

 

[lazylegs]

Hi Sadie,

Thank you for helping me vent vicariously.

Take care,
Lazylegs

 

[raggedyann1]

Sadie,

Very well written. I stopped saying I'm fine a few months into round 2 with lupus et al. I say I am ok today, having a good day, not having a good day, pain levels up today, just so-so etc. Recently, because I am doing "better", people have said to me that I look so much better and I have answered I am better than I have been in a long time. I am concerned that from that they will assume I am "fine" which of course I am not. I will see how they respond.

I have learned that I have to judge who I am talking to. Some are being polite and those get the short answer of I am ok today or its not a good day. That still gives them the ability to move on and it not be awkward. Closer friends get more detail and so does family. I am sorry if you have people in your life who do not believe/understand that you are not well.

Take care,
Karen

 

[scrapperjen]

sadieone -- you've taken the words right out of my mouth! Whenever anyone asks how I am (with the exception of my hubby), I say "I'm fine". It's easier that way. Especially with my mother (see the thread about family problems!). If I tell her I'm not feeling well or my back hurts or whatever, she says ,"Well Jen, there's always something wrong with you so....". Now I can say to her, " Why yes mom, there is always something wrong with me and there will always be something wrong with me". So get used to it. I've been phone-diagnosed with UCTD and office DXd with Fibromyalgia and told that I have more autoimmune things going on, so I haven't told her what the official word is yet. I see my rheumy on Thursday and I will inform her after that.

My whole family will be informed that I have been lying to them for the past few years and mostly, the last few months and that I'm not going to lie anymore because I know now that it's NOT in my head and I'm not "just looking for something to be wrong with me". That one was my favorite -- just looking for something to be wrong with me. HA! I don't need them to feel sorry for me, but I do need them to understand and, most importantly, accept it.

 

[LoopyLoo]

:flower2: Oh Sadie I am so sorry you are having such a bad day :hug:

I am ashamed to admit that I am probably one of the founder members of the 'I'm fine' club. My Hubby hates it when I say it as he knows then that I'm not.

I have to agree with Karen. For me it's easier to say 'I'm fine' to certain people, especially my mother, as they just wouldn't get it. I know that isn't the right attitude but I have a close circle of friends & family (excluding my mother) that I know I can be honest with & they will understand.

I've tried to be honest with others & I can see their interest wain almost immediately & I find that hard to deal with. I've also had people look at me like 'you're telling me you're not well but you look fine'. I tend to go into overdrive mode & tell them everything that's wrong in about 30 seconds - then I just feel awful because they will think I'm crazy :hehe:

I have one best friend who will say to me - 'you look well today but how do you feel' or 'you look a little tired, are you feeling ok'. That's what I need, she doesn't patronise me in any way but tries to understand the best way she can.

I think it's about finding that happy medium which is a difficult thing to do. I'm sending you positive vibes that you feel better soon ixiedust:

Lots'a'luv,

Pam xxx

 

[sunflowergirl2]

:grhug: Sadie, I know exactly how you feel! Since you look OK, you must be OK. (Even my hubby doesn't get it), thank goodness for this site, where others understand! I have found that when people ask how you are, they don't really want to know. Easier to say, I'm fine or having a good day/bad day! It's a very frustrating disease! Hope you feel better soon! Cathy:sad:

 

[manni]

I've got to the point where somedays i get so sick of saying "I'm fine" when i'm not that so i just say," i'm alive and breathing." They can decide for themselves if that is good or bad.

 

[DDR]

You couldn't have said it better!!!! God knows us lupies try explain the pain we feel to people and hope that they don't think we are crazy. And at times people just start to lose interest so why even bother. It's a scarey and unpredictable disease that only the rest of us can truley understand.

 

[runnergirl]

amen!!!!!!!

I am so with you and you wrote that extremely well! Something I couldn't have said myself.

 

[acard]

This really hit home for me too. This is how bad I am at telling everyone. "I am fine!" As I was in a TIA being loaded into the ambulance I am telling my hubby, "not to worry-I am fine" I was not fine. My hubby hates that I say that to everyone all the time, because I am not fine!!! He says I am too proud and stubborn to let people know that I am so sick that I am unable to do simple chores at home. I guess it is easier for me to say, "I am fine" and I think because I am sick of being sick that my friends are too and they don't really want to hear about it.:worried:
I have posted once before that I think I have some friends/in-laws who perceive me as a wimp. I think they think I should just suck it up and move on. Yet, not a one has ever even looked into my health issues.
This is why I am so grateful for all of you, because you do understand.

Thank You for this thread
Becca

 

[Katharine]

Yep!! that just about sums up the frustration I was feeling in those last few months at work - No wonder I keep getting visions of a hermit like existence, translating away in front of my PC - It never asks me how I am :rotfl:

Well said - I think I might just copy that too

Katharine

 

[BigSis]

Abso-blooming-lutely
I'm afraid I just say I'm fine and smile:blush: but you have vented how I often feel.
People say
'Oh its nice to see you have some colour in your cheeks'
I have a malar rash
'Oh you look nice and slim'
I lost 28lbs in 2 months when I was flaring badly
'It's good you've put some of your weight back'
I have a podgy steroid face
People just don't get it so I don't begin to explain.

I'm with you Sadie et al

Be as well as you can

 

[karen.w.]

Bravo sadie!!so true & you expressed it sooo well!

sorry you're having a bad day hope you feel better soon
sending you lot's of healing hugs :there:
take care..karen x

 

[Annie7447]

My anwser is normally " well I'm still coughing, so not in a coffin ...yet"

that informs people that know me I am same as usual, so dont ask any more. for folk that dont know me, or the ones that would worry unduly, yes I lie, I'm fine is the two words you have to use to keep the balance of the day right or, as you so poiniontly point out you would be standing out in the cold hurting/coughing/cramping, trying to explain why you look fine!!!

Good luck hope the next day brings sunshine and something good even if its just a smile from a stranger, who doesnt know whats going on and treats you like a human bean!

 

[tbunny1]

:shrug: Why do we feel we need to lie, or at least avoid the truth, to keep others from feeling uncomfortable?

I good friend caught me one day, and came up with this accronym for fine ......

F (@!%**^#) (too nasty to post here) up
I insecure
N neurotic
E emotional

Don't know about you gals, but I need to get a little more comfortable with the truth myself. I have to ask, is it someone else I think I am fooling, or is it myself???:? :umm:

 

[acard]

Thbunny,
Both??? and you are not alone. Some may say denial-others say wishful thinking:hehe: :hehe: You know which one is you. I have my head buried in the sand, so I know I have been in denial. I think it is easiest to put others at ease at least for me. I know it is wrong, but I am work in progress8)



Hugs,
Becca