[onetay]

I have always been able to work since I was 14. I just don't know what to do now I dropped some hours. I went to my boss and let her know my doctor and my body just couldn't do it any more. She said the soonest she could do it was the end of september. I feel guilty for doing that and when work gets in a bind then here I am jumping in and doing it. I am making myself sick by not slowing down and my body is just getting worse everyday. It isn't my boss so much but I have always been the one that she counts on for 9 1/2 years. She says things like I would ask you but I don't want you to feel like you have to or something like do you think it would hurt you if i put you on one more day this week? I feel bad about telling her to drop my hours for my health but if I don't then I risk becoming sicker than I am. I feel guilty because I have always been the provider for my children and myself. In case no one has guessed my conflict how do I find a happy mediam for all of us. How do I keep providing for my family,work at a job I like,and do what my body tells me that is the limit? I just feel like I should still be able to do what I have done since I was a child. I just can't help but feel guilty about it all. I have no spouse to help with the bills or to take up the slack.
Thanks for your time to read this thread and all advice that might help me with this conflict that has been pulling me apart for the past few weeks.

Tammy(onetay)

 

[Maia]

I moved your thread to this forum hoping more will see it and it is most definitely appropriate for living with lupus!

Learning to say no is definitely something that comes with practice for some of us. My best recommendation is to practice saying no in front of a mirror or have a friend/spouse act out the part of your boss complete with her likely statements/requests/etc and you practice turning them down. Practice makes perfect, and pretend practice helps a lot too

Other things to consider are the reasons you have within yourself for not turning down such requests despite the impact they can have on your health. Only you can really answer that question as to why you won't just say no. Usually it comes down to an ingrained notion most of us women have of putting everyone else first as being the best thing we can do. When in reality, especially when you have lupus, about the opposite is true. Not always of course... but most of the time.

This is a problem a LOT of women have including perfectly healthy ones. Putting job, family, children, husband, pets first and then thinking of themselves

Once you say no the first time or two, it gets easier. Trust me!

Take care...

 

[onetay]

Maia,
You couldn't be more on the money for most of it. I just have always done and never had to say no to work or most other things. I know what you say is true, I was just hoping that someone would have an easier answer than the one I know I have to stick with. I thank you for your time to read this and reply. Even though I have had lupus for 15 years I have just pushed on, I have come to a time to face it and do what is best I guess. I guess I was also hoping in my heart that it just wasn't true.
Tammy

 

[lazylegs]

Hi Tammy,

A few years ago I was in the same dilemma. I liked my job, the people and the money so it was easy for me to be coerced into doing more than I should. Unfortunately it was to the detriment of my health.

I felt I was letting both work and my family down by cutting back. Actually by cutting back I was able to up my work production because I wasn't fighting nearly as much fatigue. The same was true for my family. Instead of going to work and straight to bed I had some energy left for them.

Let someone else take up the slack. You concentrate on taking care of yourself and your family.

Take care,
Lazylegs

 

[onetay]

Lazylegs,
Thanks for the advice and words of wisdom. It brought a tear to my eyes knowing that someone understands and can relate to what is finally going on with me and my life. You have put new hope were there was just conflict again thank you.
Tammy