A few weeks ago I had a couple of weeks which I could only describe as "grieving". I found myself thinking about all the people I have spent time with in my life and the joy and sadness we shared along the way, particularly my old school friends, and I thought that I may not see any of them again. I had a sort of panic attack and felt deep grief. For me it was totally irrational to have these feelings. I was very down for a number of days.
I got over that feeling until today when I was watching TV (Last of the Summer Wine) and saw some wonderful views of the Yorkshire Dales. I started this panicy feeling again and thought I may never see such beautiful countryside again.
Am I losing it? I'm frightened that my brain is being affected. I've developed a typing dyslexia, hampered by my chopped finger (a cooking accident) and my sleep, never good at the best of times, is getting very irratic.
I can understand the sleep thing as I am worried that I might lie on my finger and undo the hospital's work in stopping the bleeding (sorry, so graphic) but this irrational grief/fear is very new to me.
I'm no psycologist but could it be the grief of losing a "normal" life? Something which I will never have again? Is it that I'm just going batty in my old age?
I haven't had the courage to tell my husband as he is not the most sympathetic of people and I'm quite alone in my management of disease (undxd therefore husband thinks there's nothing wrong with me).
I have my new rheumy appointment on 25/03 so may be I'm worried that after all these years in limbo I'm going to be left in limbo for a while longer while all my notes catch up with me from Worcestershire.
Sorry for the essay but I'm unsettled to say the least.
Hope you are having a good evening
Love Judi xx
I got over that feeling until today when I was watching TV (Last of the Summer Wine) and saw some wonderful views of the Yorkshire Dales. I started this panicy feeling again and thought I may never see such beautiful countryside again.
Am I losing it? I'm frightened that my brain is being affected. I've developed a typing dyslexia, hampered by my chopped finger (a cooking accident) and my sleep, never good at the best of times, is getting very irratic.
I can understand the sleep thing as I am worried that I might lie on my finger and undo the hospital's work in stopping the bleeding (sorry, so graphic) but this irrational grief/fear is very new to me.
I'm no psycologist but could it be the grief of losing a "normal" life? Something which I will never have again? Is it that I'm just going batty in my old age?
I haven't had the courage to tell my husband as he is not the most sympathetic of people and I'm quite alone in my management of disease (undxd therefore husband thinks there's nothing wrong with me).
I have my new rheumy appointment on 25/03 so may be I'm worried that after all these years in limbo I'm going to be left in limbo for a while longer while all my notes catch up with me from Worcestershire.
Sorry for the essay but I'm unsettled to say the least.
Hope you are having a good evening
Love Judi xx