i have been with my partner for 14 months now and since my diagnosis i have hardly seen him.
he says he gets stressed when he thinks about my illness. this makes me extremely crazily mad with him because he stays away-i get upset when he finally puts in an appearance-he gets upset bec. im moody so stays away.....and so it goes on.
i have spoken to him about how i feel when i am calm and when i have been mad but it seems to fall on deaf ears.........nothing changes. i have become suspicious and paranoid and worry constantly that he is seeing someone else bec. i dont have the energy for anything romantic.....this is a man after all who professes such great love for me?????????
i should leave him, pack the few things that he has here and drop them off.....but as sad as this seems.....if im honest i dont want to be lonely, and i feel like any attention is better than none...besides its better the devil you know.... my world has gotten smaller since i developed panic disorder and agoraphobia and the lupus dx knocked me for six and i know i am depressed. my counsellor says not to make any major decisions yet, but i am so hurt by the way he has been that i feel miserable (and look it) all the time.
my friends are few and far between and i lost most of them when i got ill with the pd and aggy. out of the 3 close friends i have left; 2 i hardly see bec. initially they couldnt deal with seeing me so depressed etc and now are too wrapped up to even call.
i am hurt beyond belief by the people i care about practically abandoning me.
the family i live with get on with their lives and i think that theres complacency when it comes to me being ill, bec. they are used to it and do not take anything into consideration, for example the other day my niece said to me when i ws complaining of feeling wiped out ''why are you tired? you havent done anything all day have you?'
my counsellor is right....i feel invisible. as i write this with tears falling i am wanting to break free and escape but the agoraphobia has me virtually a prisoner in my own home and i have to watch everyone going through the motions of getting ready to go out for the night; answer ringing mobiles when mine hardly rings and making arrangements with friends to meet up.
the one friend i have has children and a partner so is usually reluctant to go out or doesnt have any money.............
as you can see i am having a bad day today.....so thank you for 'listening' .
i dont like feeling sorry for myself but i invariably do......
oh and i got turned down for dla and a ccg so that doesnt help either.
he says he gets stressed when he thinks about my illness. this makes me extremely crazily mad with him because he stays away-i get upset when he finally puts in an appearance-he gets upset bec. im moody so stays away.....and so it goes on.
i have spoken to him about how i feel when i am calm and when i have been mad but it seems to fall on deaf ears.........nothing changes. i have become suspicious and paranoid and worry constantly that he is seeing someone else bec. i dont have the energy for anything romantic.....this is a man after all who professes such great love for me?????????
i should leave him, pack the few things that he has here and drop them off.....but as sad as this seems.....if im honest i dont want to be lonely, and i feel like any attention is better than none...besides its better the devil you know.... my world has gotten smaller since i developed panic disorder and agoraphobia and the lupus dx knocked me for six and i know i am depressed. my counsellor says not to make any major decisions yet, but i am so hurt by the way he has been that i feel miserable (and look it) all the time.
my friends are few and far between and i lost most of them when i got ill with the pd and aggy. out of the 3 close friends i have left; 2 i hardly see bec. initially they couldnt deal with seeing me so depressed etc and now are too wrapped up to even call.
i am hurt beyond belief by the people i care about practically abandoning me.
the family i live with get on with their lives and i think that theres complacency when it comes to me being ill, bec. they are used to it and do not take anything into consideration, for example the other day my niece said to me when i ws complaining of feeling wiped out ''why are you tired? you havent done anything all day have you?'
my counsellor is right....i feel invisible. as i write this with tears falling i am wanting to break free and escape but the agoraphobia has me virtually a prisoner in my own home and i have to watch everyone going through the motions of getting ready to go out for the night; answer ringing mobiles when mine hardly rings and making arrangements with friends to meet up.
the one friend i have has children and a partner so is usually reluctant to go out or doesnt have any money.............
as you can see i am having a bad day today.....so thank you for 'listening' .
i dont like feeling sorry for myself but i invariably do......
oh and i got turned down for dla and a ccg so that doesnt help either.