[confused1]

Consider this a major vent running toward moaning and possibly screaming. Bad pain day. Very very very bad. I'm down to two neurontin a day and have of course had a sharp increase in pain. But have handled it. Not handling it well today. I'm having major panic attacks -- I know they're fueled by pain -- about horrid things and can't stop obssessing about horrible things. Exhausted. Can't sleep. And if I use one of my "knock out" suppositories (which I use for times when I can't stop vomiting) it completely defeats the whole purpose and idea of getting off pain meds.

OMG, maybe I don't care if i wear out my liver and heart with massive doses of morphine. I am just so defeated right now.

Please somebody say something. I feel quite deaf and alone. Can't stand the sound of human voices so am not calling friends.

Sunny

 

[confused1]

Thanks for all the kind responses. I'm less on edge right now. There are days when I'm not so bad off. I expect to start Lyrica when I'm off Neurontin. I haven' started tapering the morphine yet. That's scary and I don't know really if I can do it. But I'll play this out and see what happens. I don't have a pain dr. Small town, major P I A to see a doctor out of town. If things continue to deteriorate then I may have to knuckle under and go see yet another new doctor. Groan. I loathe doctors.

Sunny