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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My Mom basically walked in my house and told me it was a wreck and that she didn't want to help because I didn't keep it neat and tidy. I got mad and didn't even look at her when I told that I felt horrible and couldn't clean like she does, and if she didn't like it she could just leave me alone. She has no clue that I feel terrible, how could she not I say it enough but I just think she doesn't want to know or understand, more and more I feel like in the world out here I am alone in everything I do. She says not one word to my 45 year old brother, who has a Phd. but no job, is not looking for a job, and lives with her, she caters to him and ignores and criticises me. It seems like it would be easier for me to be totally alone, instead of having her come in and out of my life wrecking havoc as she goes. My illness is an inconvience to her, though she doesn't even try to understand what it does to me. I just want to scream, if I had the energy....:screamin:
 

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Dear Karly, I simply cannot keep things in good order either. I try to keep one room looking reasonable and keep guests out of the kitchen etc.
My Mother would not have got it either, she was most undermining.

Give yourself a little treat and don't give up.

x Lola
 

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elisabethm
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Hi Karly why dont you tell her how she makes you feel maybe she needs for you to sit her down and let here read some of the posts on the board as to how hard it is to cope with every day things that come easy to her.My mother is 77yrs and she comes to my house every day to see how i am and if i need anything done.But i have a hubby to do things for me but it does not stop her asking.My sister will do my ironing for me if i ask her or if she sees for herself she will get my ironing board out and do it.But my daughter would not think to say to me do you need a hand i get more frustrated with her as we keep her son so she can work.so give it a try and see how you go WITH MY BEST WISHES TO YOU KARLY:) :)
 

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Hi Karla, i used to worry about everything oh my god i didnt get this done or i didnt do this.....not anymore i only do what i can the most important things come first the rest can wait after all its only gonna get dirty again. :lol:

not that i dont get it done but it can wait. i agree with elisabethm maybe you should sit down with your mom and have a talk with her.

i used to worry alot and wanted to get things done in one day but this made me very unhappy and i paid for it in the long run (fatigue)
 

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I don't keep my house as clean as my mother keeps hers either. Both because I don't want to, as well as I don't have the energy and health to do it. And the cleaning chemicals really bother me and make my nose run something fierce! Plus I have dogs and cats, so things are just messier anyways even if it was cleaned every day ;)

That's OK with me. My mom doesn't complain --- much ;) And what she says I let roll off my back much faster than a droplet of rain water would. That's the key.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Usually I get either too mad or too sad when I talk to her about things, so I think I will write her a letter she often responds to those better because it seperates her from the situation and me from getting angry or hurt, so Iwill work on that and let you know what happens.:writing:
 

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Karly,

It sounds as if our mothers are one in the same. The only difference is that my mom doesn't ignore my illness, she uses it against me completely or uses it as her excuse. Anytime she wants to not help her mother, my grandma, or anyone else for that matter, she tells everyone that I am soooo bad and that I need her help blah, blah, blah. She has been caught in an out and out line but is just so cocky about everything she is too dumb to see it. Maybe you need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk with your mother and tell her how you feel. Lay down some of your house rules and if she cannot abide by them then she is not allowed to participate in your or your families lives. That is what I have done with my mother and I have had nothing but peace, she hasn't been around. Silence is golden.

Anyway, I just wanted to lend you my support and let you know that I am thinking of you. Hang in there, it will get better.

Nancy
 

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Dear Karly, there is no law that says that we must continue to have a relationship with our mothers just because they gave birth to us. If your mother is a negative person who causes you pain, then limit her place in your life as much as possible. Don't torture yourself about how she favors your brother; favor yourself. Obviously, the woman is not going to be helpful. You would not let a total stranger abuse you. Why do you let someone who should love you do it, then?

My mother forgot everything that had passed between us when I became ill and suddenly began telling all the world that I was, and always had been, her favorite daughter. Uh, no. And making a new script doesn't change 45 years of reality. No, I haven't invited her to take part in my life any more than I did before she decided that there might be mileage in having a chronically ill daughter.

Take care of yourself. Be strong and don't let anyone hurt you.

Sunny
 

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Karly, I hope you get back here and read this...I am 54 yo and my mom passed away 3 years ago to cancer...with lupus I went there every weekday for 2 months (since I don't work) to help my sisters take care of her...not one of them have a clue how I feel but I did what I had to do...the worse part of this is my mom was in complete denial of my illness...she was way sicker than me and I was there for her no matter what...stay your distance...but keep in touch...don't let what she says get to you...my mom was a clean freak (we had to get up Saturday mornings and clean b4 we were allowed out) and now I do what has to be done first then when I feel decent I do the rest...example: As I go I keep the toilet clean and the sink in the bathroom...I keep the dishes out of the sink and the counters/stove top clean in the kitchen...I keep the mess in order in the family room...but don't look at the floors or my desk or you will notice it is not that clean in here...do what you can and do not let anyone tell you how you should feel...

Eat right...exercise...and try to keep healthy...


PS: stop eating tomatoes, beets, red skinned potatoes...and see if you feel better....worked for me
 
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