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I'm getting married in October this year and I've been told from a couple of people that people with lupus have a greater risk of putting themselves back in the hospital around their wedding day because of all of the stress. My fiance and I are paying and planning for the wedding ourselves.

Has anyone experienced this? Does anyne have any suggestions on what I can do to avoid this?
 

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Hello there and congratulations!!!! :trampo:

Your story brought a smile as I got married in October 2007. My lupus wasn't at all under control at the time and despite that I was absolutely fine.

Like you, we planned and payed for our wedding ourselves. I think that planning it ourselves and not having "interfering" parents/relatives/friends actually removed a lot of the stress. We had a huge celebration but at the same time it was quite a simple wedding...

I found that adrenaline got me through the actual day itself but we tried to keep things as easy on me as possible. For example we got married late in the afternoon so that we could go on to the aperitif and then evening without having a whole day waiting around. We also didn't leave for our honeymoon that night but went home, got up late the next day and left when we were nicely rested around mid-day (after having "croissants").

I admit that it took a lot out of me fatigue wise the following three days - I had been terrified it would be a lot worse beforehand just as you are. Our honeymoon was mainly spent sleeping and eating nice meals... very lazy people but it worked!

I don't have any great ideas that might help but hope that you'll be encouraged that it can go really well and be a wonderful memorable day :)

Katharine
 

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Hi & :congrats:

I got married 9 years ago before I was diagnosed with lupus. Although we were also planning and paying for the wedding there were interfering relatives which caused me no end of stress. We went on honeymoon 2 days after the wedding and I became ill and had to call a doctor.

I recommend that you keep in mind that this is YOUR day - as in you and your prospective husband. It is something you want to remember for the rest of your life and you want it to go well. If you feel things are getting on top of you at any time then you and your partner should take some time out for yourselves.

There is no harm in mentioning to family and friends that you are worried about your health and want to keep the day stress free. I was grateful to others that offered to pitch in as well so if you can involve people to lighten the load then definatley do so.

I wish you all the very best and keep us posted on how your plans are going. Oh and we'll want pics of the big day LOL.

Hugz,

Pam xxx
 

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Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! Your experience and advice is very uplifting and gives me hope :blush:

You are right, by planning and paying for the wedding ourselves, so far it has relieved a lot of stress. We are having a big wedding....around 200. Right now, I think I can pull it off...X
 

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Hi Laineyrock,

Congratulations on your wedding.:) What a special time for you and your fiance.

My daughter is getting married this summer. I think as long as you get everything taken care in good time, you should do good. Don't leave anything till the last minute getting it done ahead of time will be much easier.

Good luck and have a wonderful time.
:cloud9:
Lyn
 

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Congrads on your upcoming new life, I hope that it is all that you imagined it would be. I have not had to do this but like with anything we do one step at a time and plan, plan, plan, to avoid surprises that may pop up at the last minute. Relax as often as you can. Use you phone as often as you can to follow up on plans that have been made, this will save much needed energy for the big day. The closer it gets the more rest you will need so when planning don't forget to plan those little rest times.
 

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I so agree with Katherine, doing all the planning and stuff yourself without parents trying to tell you how to do it is much less stressful, although my mother did manage to stress me out on the day with her poor time keeping and appaling sense of timing Bless her!

My mother in law was great and tried to keep me and my stress levels under control. Not many people say they get on with their mother in law, but I have a better relationship with her than my own mother :eek:. We didn't set off for our honeymoon until the following morning. I didn't make it until the death of the disco (once upon a time I would be the last one to leave:lol:)

I, at that point had not been diagnosed, but it did take it's toll on me, but then I had no idea what was going on... I didn't end up in hospital just very very tired.

Just remember to take each day running up to your big day as it comes, make sure you get plenty of rest and relaxation when you can. If you can on the day, my husband and I took ourselves off for an hour or so just to have some time together and a break from our guests!!

Wishing you all the best!!!

Claire
 

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Congratulations!

Dont let thoughts of relapses get you down. After living wih lupus you deserve some good happy times. Weddings can be sressful, no matter who you are. I got married almost two years ago and it was stressful. I was lucky to have my parents pay for it and do most of the organizing but I found that I was constantly trying to please everyone else making it more stressful. So my advice is to enjoy planning it and enjoy your day because you are only going to do it once! Oh and the best advice is have a lovely relaxing honeymoon. Sleep on the beach (in the shade of course!) and recharge your batteries!

Hope all goes well. It's all worth it especially knowing that you have someone who will always be there for you when you are feeling ill.

Nadia x
 

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recent experience

My daughter also has lupus and she spent the prior year planning her perfect wedding -- and she was adamant that she wanted a "perfect" wedding. She made herself so sick that she had to get a spray tan to cover the scars from her rash that developed. The night of the wedding they stayed at a local hotel to rest and have some time for themselves. Then they flew out for a cruise with a few of their closest friends. By the time she returned she was exhausted and ill again. The sadder part is that she has two small children who see her exhausted, impatient, sick, and unable to play with them.

They can't afford good medical insurance and it's heart breaking to watch her be in denial about the damage she could be self-inflicting. As a mother who has lupus, I try to talk to her but she doesn't want to hear it because it "makes her sad."

Just remember, like the others said, plan time to rest as part of the schedule to make the rest of the time enjoyable. You deserve it and so does your husband. Planned quality time together is better than him feeling guilty for pushing you to far or for letting you push yourself too far and then having to spend a week in bed recooperating.

Best wishes and be good to yourselves! Happiness is something you need and deserve.

~chel
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Update: My wedding was one of my best days :rotfl: The only time I experienced any problems was a short dizzy spell when myself and my girls were getting ready. It was a little hectic at that time. But I think the excitement of that day and the adrenaline helped me feel like a million bucks! A few people have told me that they couldn't believe how I lasted that day.

One other thing that helped me was starting the wedding planning early and taking it one day at a time. And I expected that there was bound to be something unexpected to happen so the way I looked at it was that some things are out of my control and I need to take it with a grain of salt. It worked!

I lost a lot of hair from taking MTX so to help with that, I had hair extensions to hide the thinness of my hair :) It looked very natural.

I'm hoping this post will help others who are worried about getting sick from the stress and planning of a wedding :) I do have to say that in my opinion, all the stress and planning of the wedding was absolutely worth it!
 

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Congratulations Lainey.
I am happy that your day was just the way you wanted it.

Love,
Lyn
 

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Oooooh I'm so glad to hear it went well. It sounds like you experienced that same adrenaline thing that got me through :) Looking back I still honestly don't know how I managed it - I can still remember not being able to stand up when doing the dress fitting :lol:

Katharine
 

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Hi Lainey,

I'm glad it all went well :) Can we expect some pics of the happy day?

love
Lily
 

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Congratulations!!!

Glad you had a good day and time leading up to the wedding!
 

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Lainey, I am so pleased you had a lovely day. Congratulations!!
 
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