[erenae1974]

I was made fun of or teased today at work by 3 people at one time because I don't talk in full sentences, that I am a scatterbrain. Most of the time it's because I can't remember what I'm trying to say. Or I can't remember what happened, I think I do, so I start talking about it, then I don't remember & my thoughts get scattered. Anyone else deal with this & what do you say to people that laugh at you?

 

[Karly1964]

That is so mean of those people to make fun of you like that, they just wouldn't be able to handle what we handle on a daily basis. I get my words mixed up, forget what my apartment number is, stutter etc. people always do the were you born a blond, and laugh at me all the time. I don't have any good come backs yet, especialy any that would be appropriate for work, but you have my understanding and support. Take care and ingnore those mean people. Karly:there: :grouphug2:

 

[lauralee77]

What kind of cruel people would laugh at you for this?! I am appallled. Yes, let's see them try to deal with this disease in which brain fog is one of the many symptoms we have to deal with.
I have been having trouble myself lately finishing my sentences or remembering what I was doing. I don't know if you have disclosed to your co-workers about your lupus, but if so, you should try explaining to them why you are like this. If they still want to make fun of you then they are just trash and you don't need to waste your time on them.

 

[Clare.T]

Despicable little wretches I would say " Wait until you have had a stroke, then see how funny it is " That might make them think twice.

Many hugs
Clare

 

[Sage Hen]

I am very sorry, some people are less than human.

I don't know, how best to deal with people that laugh at you at work.

Clare, is right! I couldn't possibly have thought of a better discription of those three.


Friend,
Sandy

 

[keebler]

How old are these co-workers? They sound like they don't have an ounce of sense in their heads.

I have my times when I can't finish a sentence or forget what I want to say. It is hard.

I like Clare's reply to them.:yes:

Hang in there.

Lyn

 

[confused1]

What horrid little pissants you work with! Tell them to grow up and get a grip. If it's any comfort, imagine what kind of kharma they're setting up for themselves and the future.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but then again you don't have to. This is the kind of thing that should go straight to Human Resources. There are seminars to deal with racial issues, gender issues, body image issues.... surely there can be some sort of sensitivity training that deals with simple human decency.

Sunny

 

[Pollyanna]

I agree with Sunny...no one should have to put up with abuse in the workplace. You have my sympathy on this one. Grrrrrrrrrr! As for a response, go Clare! So sorry you have to deal with this...

On another note...have you been evaluated for APS? I find that when it is "acting up", my fog gets much worse. At those times, we just increase the aspirin, but if I were you, I would certainly let my doctor know about these difficulties.

Hugs for you, Pollyanna :hug:

 

[Lyn57]

I am appalled! They obviously don't have any brains worth mentioning, even if they don't know about the lupus it is insensitive to the extreme.

I recently told the people I work with about my lupus - as I started a really tough flare. This is the first job where I have ever done so in 31 years! It was scary, but worth it for the support, encouragement and caring I have had.

The thing that has been the best though, (which is weird) is that one of the girls who used to tease me and is in general a dreadful stirrer (in jest) about loads of things, now continues to tease me, but in hillarious ways about being tired, sore and old. She makes me laugh a lot and sometimes makes my day. The differnece being it is done with a sense of humour and a hug or chuckle. She makes it pretty clear she is terribly fond of me.

I am really interested in reading many posts about the brain fog. I have never had a name for it before and used to get quite embarrased and worried about myself. Since joining this site and reading the posts I now understand it is part of lupus. I sometimes now call myself "loopy Lu" to those who know about the lupus, it gives them a hint that things are not working properly in my head!!

Much love to you all. You guys have been such a strength to me.

Lyn x

 

[Taree]

Shame, small things amuse small minds!

Besides starting and forgetting sentences and losing the plot I often join two wods in one, skip some inbetween and use words that associate but are completely out of context. eg Let's have supper friday night comes out- we supnite. then I still hv to figure out what I'm trying to say! If people laugh I tell them that my brain is so advanced my speech can't keep up with it. If they're still nasty you could always tell them that you're trying desparately to lower you r intelligence and could they please help.:lol:

You are not alone, you have all of us! All they have is their own misery... and they don't even realise it!

 

[erenae1974]

thanks everyone for the replies, they made me feel better. You all understand. Yep, they all know I have lupus, I just don't think anyone has taken the time to really know what it is. I was pretty upset yesterday, and I told my husband about it too, and he said basically what Taree said, to tell them that I am just lowering my intellegence to their level. I had to write to see waht everyone else says to that because I know it will happen again. I do have APS, and I am goiing through a little bit a flare now I think, my tests aren't right & I feel terrible (pain is the worst & the tiredness). Anyhow, these people are probably from 35-42 in age. We don't have a HR dept at my work, it's a pretty small company. Well, next time it happens, if it happens again, maybe I won't be afraid to say what I feel, I mean if they are cruel enough to say stuff like that, I shouldn't worry about what I say to them in response either, right?

 

[Katharine]

Hi there,

I think a lot of this type of reaction is people really not knowing what it is about.

To be fair, lupus etc. are really difficult for even the most interested to understand. That in no way excuses adults behaving like nasty kids in primary school.

I had a colleague who basically told me outright that I needed to see a shrink because my illness was in my head (this was before diagnosis). I ended up in tears in my car (that being the only place I could hide).
I hated her for that, just couldn't be in the same room as her. So everytime I saw her after, if she asked how I was, I would smile brightly (even if it almost killed me) and say fine!! then limp off in the other direction.

To her credit, I sent a copy of the "letter to normals" to my colleagues for lupus awareness month last October and she obviously read it as she has completely changed and has now become one of the most understanding people I know. She sends me work to do at home but never stresses me, never wants it quickly and on my rare visits to their office takes time out to know how I am etc.

Anyway, I think the best way to deal with such things is with humour if possible and then, at other times, a little education doesn't go amiss, easy to say I know, as these things really hurt!

hugs to you :hug:
Katharine

 

[JudifJ]

So right!

I find stress and tiredness makes my "brainfarts" EXCUSE THE LANGUAGE PLEASE :wink2: a lot worse. I joke and say my brain's working harder than my mouth. Happened only a few minutes ago. We have taken on a new lad and I am co-mentoring him. He's old enough to be my grandson (just). I was trying to explain a graph he had produced and nothing would come out intelligently. He doesn't know me well enough to comment, poor lad, but I must have seemed a right dork.

Going through a bit of a flare at the moment and stress is not helping (hubby and eldest daughter both ill and I am having to drive myself to work an hour each way).

Trouble with my brain at the moment I'm not quick enough to come out with suitable wisecracks like Claire's. Maybe I'd just get a tee shirt printed with "I'm not blonde - I've got Lupus" on it (apologies to blondes).

Must get back to work, if my brain will let me.

Love Judi xx

 

[Taree]

What cruel monsters! Can't believe they can be so uncaring. I just assumed they weren't aware and didn't know any better. The intelligence jibe was meant as a joke to cheer you up, don't really believe in "rewarding" nastiness with more nastiness. I think they thrive on getting a response. I would print out lup info, slap it on their desks and offer to respond to any questions they may have after if any of them are grown up enough to bother!

So sorry you're going through this, I really hope they come right!

 

[ALWIN]

People are very silly.

I like a laugh and a joke - often at my own expense.

However, my confidence hits my boots when i am struggling to think properly. If this coincides with my struggling to find the right words it's even worse. Tiredness is my bogey man.

The problem is, people can't really tell when i am feeling a bit fragile, so sometimes people say things i would cope with normally, but feel make me feel awful when i am ... well, brainfarting (yeuk!) i suppose.

I have responded more than once by telling people frankly that 'What you just said made me feel really stupid ... was that your intention?' Then I say NOTHING at all until the person has responded. I have never had anybody say 'yes i wanted to make you feel stupid'.

It does not make me feel better, but more often than not it provokes a discussion during which i can explain that yes i like a joke, but I am not feeling too great right now - the forgetfulness and confusion is a clue for future reference.

And yes claire, I too have said 'why don't you try it!'

I have had people try to bully me at work in the past by pretending to make harmless fun out of me, whilst really sticking the boot in. Several times i told them how that made me feel whilst asking them why they supposed they needed to do it.

I did not enjoy it, but i did it. I still don't know if I was doing the right thing, but it never made the situation worse.

I found keeping it inside made me feel worse and did not bother them at all, so i just stopped pretending i was bomb proof.

People are very silly.

 

[helloos]

This happened to me at work and usually I am just corrected and laugh it off. I mean it does happen to everyone whether they have Lupus or medical problems or not at least one time in their lives.

But mostly it was happening with my family members who did start laughing at me and said things to me and it did hurt because I couldn't help it. Then I just learned to laugh it off with them and it didn't bother me as much.

My hubby constantly corrects my sentences and says the right words for me. Then he says but I know what you meant. I tell him "see something is wrong with my brain, I told you this" I laugh.

I try not to let it bother me and try to laugh it off but before I would take it to heart and worry about it because I sounded really stupid using words that don't exist or just not being able to find the right word.

If they know you have Lupus, I would just say "lupus effects my speech sometimes and I cannot help it" and maybe that will shut them off, but do try to laugh it off.

We can't change what others say or do, but we can change how we react to what they say or do.

Shame on them.

 

[elisabethm]

Made fun of

Is there no one in your work place that you can go and complain to do you have a nurse or someone that would tell these morons where to go we all suffer from this problem i would be saying to them you are not all perfect your selfs and who gives them the right to speak to anybody like that i do hope you speak up to them dont suffer in silence elizabeth

 

[erenae1974]

you are all right, and very good advice. I can make light of it, and usually I do when it 's my friends or family, who know what is really going on. I laugh at myself with them cause I know some of the stuff I do or say is goofy. I just felt odd when it happened at work because I was told that I really need to work on that. I kinda just shut up, half of me wanting to say what I really felt, but I didin't because I didn't want to cause more issues. I think they might think I attribute a lot to lupus (and rightfully so) & sometimes I think just better to be quiet about it. What is this "letter to normals"?

 

[Katharine]

Here's the link to the "letter to normals" (weird title, but still..)

http://www.thelupussite.com/forum/showthread.php?t=36086

Katharine

 

[leesh]

I'm so sorry to hear that! It happens to be too! I mix words alot and sometimes my husband will say something not meaning to hurt me. I usually just tell to p*ss off cause I have lupus fog!! Don't let it get you down!
big hugs!
Alicia