[Karly1964]

My dad, who has been divorced from my mom since I was 13, I am now 43. Mom has begun to be very understanding and supportive of me and my dealing with my diagnosis, Dad on the other hand is one of the people who is like, if I don't acknowledge it, don't even say anything about it it doesn't excist. He picked me up when my car broke down on Monday and took me home. His rule is that if I need to talk to him, I am to email him first and wait on him to call me. Well, since my car has been out of commmission I wrote him an email and asked if he could take me to get some blood work done. Well, no answer, no email, no call, no acknowledgement of the question at all. :huh: hno: My Mom took me today and ran me around other places and to visit my grandma, then we went out to eat. But still not an email from my dad. :sad: When I had to take my dog back all he wanted to know was how much money I lost, I didn't tell him because all he would do would be to tell me how stupid I am. The weird thing is that my dad to anyone else is a very personable, funny interesting person, but to us, his kids he is distant and remote, even though he lives just about six minutes away from me. I have alternately carried the whole relationship myself, and refused to see him neither seem to make any difference to him. He's silent either way. My sister pretty much has a see him sometimes when it suits her and her family, my brother sees him for the money at Christmas (he's 45, with a doctorate degree and lives at home with my mom no job) and I just resumed seeing him at Christmas, which is usually the ONLY time I see him all year. I guess what I am saying, what I am wishing is that he would be more supportive and understanding. Thanks for letting me babble on, Karly:wink2:

 

[LolaLola]

Sounds to me like your Father is very immature where emotions are concerned. This is not your fault so please do not worry.
x Lola

 

[Taree]

It sounds like he's going to have alot of regret when he eventually takes time to reflect on his life.

X T X

 

[Katharine]

Hi Karly,

I think a lot of Dads are like that to a certain extent. I know mine used not to be very good at thinking about much except whatever he was working on at the time. He did, however, answer anything to do with organising as he loves organising other people's lives :rotfl:

Mine has improved a lot with age and is actually more supportive of me than he ever was of Mum at the worst times of her illness. but most of it happened after I had left home. I don't think about it much, just take things as they come. As is, I live about 1000km away from my parents so we don't see that much of each other anyway.

I try not to waste time on wishing things were different and just focus on the things that are good. I think that if I looked at what wasn't right, it would do my head in totally especially in anything concerning my ex and the children (i.e. things I care about but can't change).

Katharine

 

[karen.w.]

(((((karly)))))

I can empathise with you as my dad was never supportive at all!..In fact he was much worse he was a very critical man who constantly put us down all the time when we were children. his moods changed like the weather & I can honestly say that I only have one vague memory of him being nice!he was in & out of our life right through my childhood.
my dad also came across as a very nice man to other people but they never saw his true colours.

personally I think it's a waste of precious energy wishing people were different though..although it's normal as I used to do it all the time until my dad finally took off when I was 19 never to be seen again!

I believe we can learn from others & it can make us stronger..I am proud to say that I never turned out like my father & am in fact the complete opposite of him!

I know its hard karly but I would try to accept your dad for who he is,make it easier on yourself..or you could always try telling him how you feel as he may not be aware of how he is behaving?

take care karly
karen x
p.s sorry to ramble on about my own father!!been a while since i've thought of him!

 

[Karly1964]

Yes, it would be better just to see him at Christmas, gather the gifts and money of guilt, then go on my way.:gifts: ...he is never going to change, I should just go on and act as if he was not there, definately not there as a support source, shoot he wasn't their in our home as I was growing up, and definately not there as a teen or adult....To bad he's missing out on two great daughters and some wonderful grandchildren, below. He is going to be sad when he gets older, he's 68 and no one is there to take care of him....Karly