The Lupus Forum banner

1 - 10 of 10 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
29 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Is to swear off men! At least for this year! lol (That was my new year's resolution... to remain single this year!)

I'm about to be 28, and I'm so tired of all these "men" not knowing how to deal or even understand what I'm going through... I'm not asking for much.... but they expect so much of me that I cant do/provide.

I had a great relationship...the only guy I ever thought I would want to spend my life with.... after five years... left me at my lowest point of my life. (Think I called him when I was at the doctors saying I didnt feel well... then I had to be rushed to the ER from the doctor's office...and because they thought I was having a heart attack, they would not allow me to use my phone because of all the heart monitors and machine.... then when I finally get a hold of him the next day.. he calls me an 'effing liar." Sweet eh?)

Since then I jumped from relationships to relationships... never truly happy... and maybe now I'm starting to think and believe I have to deal with this myself and accept myself totally before getting into any more relationships?

I HATE MEN.... :lol:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,800 Posts
Kudos to you!!!!

The best way to find someone truly wonderful is to be sure you don't want anyone!!

That's what happened to me after a long painful drawn out marriage and divorce. It took me a good while to feel good and I did. I felt wonderful ON MY OWN and then, of course, I kind of bumped into the man who has since become my husband and he has far outlived any expectations anyone could ever have.
He didn't know I had lupus when we met because I didn't. I actually came out of remission 2 months after we met (nope, defintiely not his fault :lol: ). He has been wonderful, taken everything in his stride, held me when needed, talked when needed. Calmly driven me to A&E at 2 am (I knew he'd have killed me if I'd not woken him up.
And, in between all that, we have had a huge amount of fun and lived life to the full!!!

Katharine
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
154 Posts
Hi Bethany. Why did he assume you were lying? My ex accused me of lying often and was convinced I was cheating on him... I just don't get it! Luckily I don't have to deal with it anymore.

Cheers to being happily single... for now...:)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,267 Posts
I agree with Katharine. Sometimes we need time to ourselves alone to find who we really are and to become independent. Also it is unfortunate, but at the worst times in your life is when you will find who is your friend and who is not. It is then that you need to weed them out one by one and keep the only ones that are dear to you.

Take care of yourself first. You and you alone and then one day, Mr. Prince is going to appear when you least expect it - because you are a good person and do deserve to be happy, so it will happen. But I think you are right, you need to accept yourself first and be happy with who you are before diving into a relationship. But that doesn't mean you can't go out on dates and get spoiled either !
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,444 Posts
I think it's very healthy to take an anti-men stance every once in a while ;)

Certainly a good thing to be on your own, taking care of yourself, and happy with who you are and what you have all by yourself. This makes you much more appealing to men though - so prepare yourself to find someone great when you're least expecting it!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14,661 Posts
I'd go so far as to say there can't be a healthy relationship, unless each is capable of living independently in the broadest sense of the word. Of course illness makes us more dependent in practical terms often depriving us of options.

Lupus also brings out the best and the worst in people including the patients.
If the relationship is already rocky before there's been any long term commitment it will not improve with any additional strains.

:)
Clare
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,485 Posts
Bethany, thank goodness that jerk revealed the depth of his jerkdom before you married him. I think you're very smart to take time to find out who you are and what you want, and to discover that you are strong and that you can handle life. As everyone has said, this is bound to make you irresistible to men. :rotfl::lol: That's ok. The men who are attracted to independent, strong women make much better partners than those who expect .... well I'm not sure what they expect. But any man who calls you a (deleted) liar is a few cards short of a healthy deck.

Remember, before anybody can love the real you, YOU have to love the real you. Not very poetic I think, but the idea is there somewhere.

Hugs,
Sunny
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
26 Posts
I just want to say that I feel your pain...fortunately I have a husband who is very understanding and we both love our independence but are here for each other...we don't even sleep in the same bedroom anymore but it is the best thing we have done for our friendship/relationship/marriage...this summer it will be 25 years and it is all good...I am up late at night since I don't work and he goes to bed at 9:30 - 10:00 to be up at 5:00am...we still do lots of things together and lots of things apart depending on what it is...
So don't beat yourselves up...go right into any relationship with two important things...trust and understanding...and stay independent but don't cheat, lie or be rude to each other...(that comes when you get older-hehehe-and you don't hear each other anymore...LOL)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,388 Posts
I just celebrated my 17th wedding anniversary. It has been full of moutains and valleys, but I met my hubby after I swore off men:lol:
We have been together 19 yrs and we love each more now than ever.
You have to be single and enjoy life and then you will find your " man":love:


Good Luck,
Becca
 
1 - 10 of 10 Posts
Top