[applesauce]

I have a rituxan treatment that cannot be rescheduled for the same day my little brother has oral surgery. He wants to go to his friends house afterwards because he doesn't think my parents will give him the attention he needs when i've had a treatment the same day. I keep trying to tell him it's different from when we were younger and I was on cytoxan and everything was screwed up, because I'm 18 now and I can go to the hospital on my own, get home on my own, and I don't NEED my parents, plus rituxan is not cytoxan, it's so much better, but he's really angry and upset about it. Our relationship has been strained for years because of this, I was diagnosed when I was 9 and he was 7 and now he's 15 and he's convinced the whole thing is about to start over. I don't know what to tell him to say it's not true, I just feel so guilty and horrible right now.

 

[Maia]

Perhaps it's best to talk to your parents about this and how you would like them to be with him for his procedure (if that's what you want?). Seems like the direct route here would be the best. Otherwise, they could split parenting duties which often has to happen anyways when two children have illnesses or events scheduled for the same time!

I doubt there is much you can say to him that will alleviate his fears, but hopefully he will see that there is nothing to be concerned about when the time comes.

 

[sam101360]

What about the two of you camping out in the living room after your procedures so that your parents can take care of you both equally? Maybe even make it fun, play his favorite games and let him win??

Also I do suggest that you speak with your folks about his fears and your concerns that they give him the attention he needs to feel special.

Good luck to both of you - Stephanie

 

[applesauce]

Yeah I'm going to my friends house for a couple of days so that we don't have this problem. He's worried because he wants to send me off to college with our relationship in a good place so I'm willing to exile myself to avoid any bitterness that may occur mostly probably residual from when we were younger. But thanks for your responses.

 

[macfamily53]

Hi applesauce

I am sorry to hear you are going through so much and then to have to deal with sibbling troouble to((((hugs))))>i am sure you would rather not have lupus and not be going thorugh these treatrmenyts.I guess if i was fifteen yearss old i might be able to understand what your brother is feeling but i sure hope the two of you do work it out.There is always trouble with siblings so it seems even when they get older to :lol:.I have 8 siblings and there seems to be something going on at all times with someone :lol:.we do not stay mad at each other for long and i sure hope things go okay for you and your brother.((((hugs))))

Tammy

 

[Joandublin]

Oh dear oh dear.....

Sometimes we forget the impact that this disease has on all those around us. What a dilemma, eh?

I dont know your brother but I would hazard a guess that at 15 and being a boy he is a typical selfish brat! Sorry all you lovely, sensible 15 year old boys out there but I am saying this with some experience...I had two of them as brothers....

It is hard when a sibling is so ill and the other feels neglected. However that is not your fault and some day when he is grown up and mature he will understand that. Right now though it seems like you are the adult in this relationship and are doing a very adult thing, i.e. letting him have the support when he feels he needs it. Your maturity obviously reflects the desperate struggles you have been through from such a young age and I take my hat off to you for your patience and understanding.

I hope that this 'horrible' teenage phase passes soon and that he realises that being ill is not a competition. You might have to wait a while though so hang in there!

Much love and strength to you for the treatment and do let us know how you are.

Luv n stuff
Joan:rose:

 

[Taree]

Hi Applesauce
My name's taryn and I used to visit the forum (lifesaver of note!)often until I lost it... literally... think it was under construction adn I couldn't log on!... Everyone's still giving fantastic advise!
I'm sorry that you're been going through this and had to grow up so quickly, this is clear in you wisdom, unselfishness and love for your brother. Just a point to ponder...

Jealousy/selfishness is sometimes a mask for fear and guilt... perhaps that he's healthy when youre not and he'll be "losing" his big sis when you leave for college. I hated it when my brother's were sick because there was nothing I could do to help. You're both willing to stay with friends to allow the other attention... but maybe it's really your folks who need to feel that they can be with and care for both of you while youre unwell.
I truly hope it all works out so that everybody feels happy and guilt free (not always easy and not always possible) and that your treatmetn goes well!!
X T X
ps youre an awesome person who should never feel guilty about the curve ball life has thrown you! You handle it better than most peeps double your age!