Hi Rachel,
Sorry to hear you are having a rough time with your illness. I can certainly relate to your situation. I have been "fighting" this disease for over 2 1/2 years and have not been in remission. It seems that I just get over one flare and start another, never really getting a break where I feel okay.
The latest thing that happend to me was nerve pain and muscle weakness in my knees that were caused by the quick increase of prednisone (from 8mg to 80mg in less than a week). However, I had to deal with the pericarditis. The knee thing was the kicker for me. I was proactive, fighting hard to get over whatever was happening. I lost my steam with the knee thing. Sorry, there is a point to this story LOL. My husband was very much the same way; always staying positive and taking very good care of me through every episode. The knee thing did him in too. So, surprising at the same time we decided not to fight anymore. It's not that we've given up; it's more acceptance of the disease. "It is what it is". Acceptance has really allowed us to cope better. Tomorrow I will be getting a wheel chair, because of the knee thing. I still can not walk after almost 3 months of this. That was a hard thing to accept as I'm only 46 years old. I also need a wheel chair when my lung is flared. So, I'm not giving up my hope to walk again, drive again, etc. I'm accpeting that this is what's happening right now, but it doesn't always have to be this way. I still have that hope but I'm not letting the disease run my life. So I will sit in the chair and do what I can do despite my limited use of my legs. I write music. I play the guitar. This is stuff I never had the time to do before, so that is good. My husband is always focusing on the positives as I'm a bet (well a lot) of a pessimist.
So, I think if you can find a way to accept what is happening, without giving up, you may feel better. I know it is an awful thing to deal with. Life is not fair sometimes. This board is great to have for support because everyone here knows first hand what we are going through. A lot of "friends" don't want to hear about it or they just don't know what to say. Ranting is also very healthy and safe to do here.
I sincerely hope things turn around for you Rachel. I've only shared what is working for me. It's so important, but hard to do, is not to let this disease become our life. So any way you can find to do that for you would be helpful. Again, I know it is hard when you are in pain 24 hours a day.
My thoughts are with you.
Nutty