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The Other Illinois Tammy
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Hi everyone,
I just spent the day taking a trip to put flowers on my parents graves. It has been 8 years since I went to my mom's it is a long trip to her grave. I thought I could handle it but fell to peices again at the grave side. Thank goodness that my daughter was with me it took a little bit to pull myself together again. I am not sure if it was because it has been so long since I was there or if it is that I need her closer to me or if I just miss her. It could be all of it. I got lost twice trying to get to her grave and went to 2 wrong cemetaries. I know laugh but the cemetary is out in the middle of no where. My mind is not what it was 8 years ago either.

I did ok at my dad's but did get a little teary but did not cry. I am not sure how I held it together there and lost it at my mom's. I get to see my dad's more often since my parents wishes were to be put with their parents. My dad's is in the town I live in and easier to get to for me.

Maybe I am just loosing my mind and all control of my emotions. Maybe the anti-depressant is not working. I was in the sun a good part of the day so maybe that was it, but I did run the air conditioning to trick my body to thinking that I was not (it was like 55 or 60 degrees in the car) in the sun. Since I am turning red I don't think it is working. Well was hoping someone on here had some advise for this as I don't want to fall apart everytime I get to go to my mom's grave. It will be 9 year July 27th and I have to be past her death don't I? Well, it was a real long day since we did get lost twice. I did have a wonderful time with my daughter. I am so proud of her she held it together very well. She put the light on the grave and the flowers in the ground for me while I sat in the car just crying. I do hope that my daughter does not start having nightmares again because of this trip. She was 12 and sat in the hospital all 13 days with me helping me take care of my mom and her grandma.

I hope all of you are well and doing well also. Thanks for the shoulder as I needed it. I am ok for the most part but don't feel like I did before the trip. For those of you that are struggling with their parent(s) I am sorry for putting this on here but I do need some help with this. I don't mean to make any of you sad for what you face or will face soon.
 

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8(((Tammy)))

I don't think anyone gets use to having a love one pass away.

It will be 6 months (May 18th) that my daughter Candii passed away. It seems like yesterday that I kissed her for the last time and told her I love her forever and forever.
There will always be a special place in my heart for Candii.

It is normal to have our sad times. It can hit you any where that you are at that moment. It doesn't matter if it was months or years ago that it has happened.

I talked to our GP and he said it was normal grieving. If you get to where you are not taking care of yourself then you need help.

Sending soft gentle hugs your way.:hug:
Love,
Lyn
 

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Dear Tammy and Lyn, I would like to give you both a big hug. Tammy I am sure the sun didn't help.
Lyn, anniversaries are always hard.
Will be thinking of you both and will light a candle later to honour your loved ones.
x Lola
 

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The Other Illinois Tammy
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Discussion Starter #4
Lyn and Lola,
Thank you for you kind words of encouragement and your understanding. Usually what I get is that it has been ____ years and I should be over it by now. The only one that don't tell me that is my daughter. I often wonder if it is so hard for me as I took care of my parents (their care giver) since I was 14 (if not before then) and ran the house also. I know that it is always harder when it is a family member and you are the care giver.

Lyn it was just like you said. It felt like the day I put them to rest, but without all the people watching me. My thoughts will be with you on your days of hardship. I know how you feel in more ways than one.

Lola thank you for the lighting of the candle I know that is an important thing to be done.

Thank you to the site that lets all of us post and get past so much in our lives.
 

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Pollianna
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Hi Tammy, am so sorry you lost yr parents too. I was like my Mother's mother, when she died it was like loosing a mother and my child!! very strange.

I am now into my 13th yr and I miss her as much at times as I did then. I lost my boyfriend to cancer 8 months later and I am still not over loosing him. We never miss them any less I think, we just miss them less often as the yrs roll on....

be kind to yourself and don't berate yourself on any level for grieving even if you feel this strongly 20yrs from now. Love is never inappropriate :hug:
 

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Hi Tammy :hug:

First of all i am really sorry for what you have been thru today, taking long trips without having the emotional side to deal with too is hard on us and our bodies. I usually feel quite rough if i have been in the sun for some time.

I am also sorry for the loss of both parents, i can't imagine how you are feeling as i am very fortunate to have both parents.

Usually what I get is that it has been ____ years and I should be over it by now.
If anyone says that to you then they have probably never lost anyone close to them, it affects everyone differently, grieving is something that each person reacts differently to and nobody should tell you how long it should take to 'get over it' some people never get over it.

I hope you start to recover from your trip real soon. By the way your daughter seems to be a real gem, you are lucky to have her.

Take care :hug: Jo :hug:
 

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AWWWW Tammy

Oh honey it is perfectly normal to feel like that after 12 years even.i went to my moms on mothers day and i lost it and it has been 16 years.You just need some ((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))for one and you have been here for me and so many people.I am glad you feel you can come to us for a shoulder and as you can see you have an awful lot of people that can relate to you and support you(((hugs))).You have gotten so much wonderful caring responses and i just wanted to let you know i am also here for you(((hugs))).
I also wanted to let you know i also just this year no matter if it is 20 degrees or 80 i still turn red and it is almost like a rash on the arms but looks like the butterfly rash on my face and neck.I have asked and tryed many differant sun block and seem to not work for me but you could try some kind of moizsturizer.

I just want to send lots of (((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))to Tammy and lyn.These anniversararies are most defaintely very hard on you both.


Tammy the other tammy :rotfl:eek:h and by the way you have the prettiest name Tammy;)
 

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I am sorry Tammy that you had such a hard time with todays events.

Anyone who would be so nasty as to tell you that you should be over your parents death obviously never lost anyone close to them.

My dad, and best friend died the day before my Birthday in 1989. It will be 20 years this July coming and I still cry ever single time I go to the grave and of course when my Birthday rolls around.

I know how much you miss your folks..............I miss my dad terribly. Time helps to heal wounds yet does not totally take away hurt.

I am sending warm hugs to you along with gently thoughts for a better day tomorrow.:wink2::wink2::wink2:
 

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Sending gentle (((hugs))) to all of you who have lost and are grieving loved ones. It is hard, and I dont think anyone ever "gets over it" despite what others may say - we all grieve in our own personal way.

Saying a prayer to give you peace and strength,
Sharon
 
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