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Had a horrible day today - just felt really rubbish all day, came home tonight, got a bit upset because as usual I feel horrid and can't face domestic chores, had a row with him indoors, end up smashing plates on the floor before storming out. Guess I have some anger problems. I'm very low at the moment and really need some time out. Think I might need a week off work or something before I go nuts. Got really wound up today at work too about nothing. I'm not really dealing with being ill. I'm pretty angry with myself I think. Anyone else get like this?
 

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ive been the same 2day big arguement with my hubby went to bed at 7pm and cryed myself to sleep feeling down myself sick of people think im faking the illness more so hubby really gettin on my nerves at the mo hope it gets better for u

(((((((((((((huggs)))))))))))


donna
 

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Hey Ali :wavey:

Sending big hugs your way :grouphug2::grouphug2:, i think most people who have to deal with having an illness get days where they feel down, i get so sick of feeling ill and tired all the time i get angry too but the problem is i don't know who or what to get angry with so i tend to just get angry with myself.

Maybe its a good idea to take some time off work, if you are feeling rough and things are getting on top of you then you need to listen to your body, take some time out and rest alot, hopefully then you will feel better both physically and emotionally. It doesn't help when you are having arguements with the other half either cos that puts more pressure and stress on you, which you don't really need.

If you carry on smashing up the plates etc then you won't have to worry about one chore (washing up) :wink2:. On a serious note, chores can wait, if anyone as a problem with you having some time off doing the chores then tell them to do them themselves, trust me they will soon stop moaning :p.

I think you really need a rest before you burn yourself out totally, cos if that happens it will take longer to get over. Hope you feel better soon.

Look after yourself, take care :hug: Jo :hug:
 

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Hi Ali,

You were just diagnosed with lupus last month. (4/23)
It is really hard to deal with the whole idea of living with lupus. You experience so many different emotions.:hug:
Don't be so hard on yourself, the chores will wait. Your health is more important.

Depression seems to be a big factor with living with a chronic condition. Antidepressants really help the rides of lupus.

Please take care of yourself and remember your love ones are probably going threw the emotions but in a different way.

Love,
Lyn
 

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Ali,
It is a real adjustment time for you and your family. You are trying to handle being told about the lupus and the working and the household stuff, on top of all this you have family issues that are normal. I was the same way for awhile and then I just had to learn that I can't let the little things bother me, because it takes energy I can't spare and often not a big deal gets turned into a big deal for no reason at all. Pick your battles very carefully and make them count. I have found that helps with the anger and also with the lupus.

If you get worked up to far it can cause a flare. Stress is the biggest trigger out there. When I feel it building, I take a deep breath close my eyes for a second and think. I think is this really worth it or is there another way to do this without me screaming my lungs out and crying. I even do this at work and my boss knows what I am doing as I have told her and now she is doing it too. I find that I have had less to deal with in the stress department and I seem to be handling the lupus and other conditions better.
 

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Hi Ali

Great idea smashing plates :p:p:p wish I could but cant face the clearing up.;) Bet you felt better for it. :lol: Just take a breath count to 10 helps.

Im thinking of going to meditation classes:calm::calm::calm: so I can go to another place away from the madness, I need to chill out more.

Put yourself first. Chores can wait delegate them.

Keep well take care big hug

dixy
 

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Hey Ali

Sending big hugs your way...:grouphug2:

I don't think I can really add to what the others have said, but I have also had those days, more so before my diagnosis but I have had them since. I have been better since I reduced my hours and responsibilites at work. It was hard to let go but I have done it.

Look after yourself and get plenty of rest, my gran used to say it will be there when you are not, some wisdom in her words and I keep reminding myself of that!

Claire xx
 

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In the first 6 months after my diagnosis, especially when pain levels were higher and were unmanaged, I did feel quite like you and got into a few arguments with my husband and just felt internally irate about a lot of things. There is a process I think most people go through after being diagnosed with a chronic illness and it can take a while to get through it. Depending on the severity of what you are feeling & how long it lasts, that will determine if you need to seek out additional help to get you through this adjustment period.

I did not seek out help, and we worked through things together but I have a real gem of a husband. He never doubts my pain, does more than his share of household work, and loves unconditionally all the while making me feel important to him and to our daughter no matter what is going on with me at the moment.

Life is changing for both of you right now, and you have to work together to set up some new ground rules in the household it sounds like...
 

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Hi Ali :grouphug2:

I can't add much to what the others have said. I too went through this but for me it was pre-diagnosis and with my ex husband. At that time I was ill but had no idea why and it is so so frustrating feeling ill and cranky and knwoing it but just not being able to stop it.

By the time I had my diagnosis I was going out with my new partner (now husband) and he's the sort it is impossible to smash plates in front of. He'd probably take them out of the cupboard and hand them to me to help...

I also get emotions all over the place with high doses of steroids - I can't remember if that might have been a problem for you too.

Otherwise, unfortunately I think that it is all a pretty normal part of the grieving and acceptance process that goes on. A lot of love and TLC with people who can just look after you might help a bit and, obviously, talking to hubby about it when you're both calm. I actually felt quite silly with hubby as I sort of warned him that there were times that I just couldn't cope (and I was fine when I told him) and that at those times if he uttered the question "why?" I would most likely strangle him - same if he was "in my face" about it or trying to "fix" what couldn't be fixed. He took that all on board and when I'm not OK or suddenly burst into tears for no known reason he just comes up to me very gently and puts his arms around me. Of course, he's a wonderful person too but I think that if I hadn't explained that at a totally unconnected time he'd have been lost and hurt too.

The week off work sounds more than necessary. Another thing that we did and I would fully recommend, if you can afford it, is to get someone in to help a little with the domestic chores. My hubby is more than willing to do them but works until all hours trying to keep us together financially and that extra help meas that week-ends are not cleaning marathons but family time. Of course, the context is easy here as Belgium have a pretty unusual and helpful scheme regarding domestic help.

Sorry, bit of a ramble there but you're not alone and just think in Greece smashing plates is all part of daily life!!

Katharine
 

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(((Ali)))

First and formost stop being angry with yourself!! You have just been through a very emotional and life changing time, you need to give yourself a break. I have been diagnoised for awhile now and I still have extreamly emotional days, I think it must come with the lupus package.
If it is possible I think a week off work sounds like a wonderful idea. It will give you some time to come to terms with your diagnosis, and let you get some well deserved rest.

Hugs
Elle x
 

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:grouphug2: Hi Ali,

Please do not feel bad about yourself you have had life changing news which you need to try and digest. Can you take a week holiday off work to try and get your emotions out.

My husband didn't understand at the beginning, he was angry, worried he also had to come to terms with the news.

You are on the best site on the internet, the people here are fantanstic, they do not judge, they offer great support.

Sending you gentle hugs and kisses
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Feeling slightly better this weekend - the fact that it's a 3 day weekend is helping! It takes all my energy just to go to work, I can't do that and deal with what's going on too. My partner is frustrated too and he's worried about me, it just comes out in the wrong way.

Last week my counsellor said she thought I needed to take time out - I need some time to deal with things. Since my diagnosis I haven't had that really and I could do with time to get things straight in my head. Maybe I should consider it.
 

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Hi Ali :)

I think your counsellor may have a point there. I find time out is ever so necessary. I remember that feeling of just trying to survive from one day to the next where any thoughts and head sorting just took too much energy to be considered.

more hugs :hug:
Katharine
 

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Just wanted to send you a HUG.

Myself had a very bad day last week and lost it with Everyone in my house. I also did alot of crying.

Gentle Hugs Sheila x
 
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