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Hi everyone,
i haven't posted much lately as i have been feeling so awful, i have checked in everyday but have just felt that i can't even really say anything helpful or posistive so there's not much point!
My depression has definately returned, i have spoken with doc and after previous experiences with anti depressants i decided not to go down that road as have tried quite a few at various doses but unfrotunately just ended up dealing with side effects with no real benefit. My gp agreed also because of drug interactions which might cause me more problems.
I have also been really suffering for about the last 3 weeks, i can bearly get out of bed and it takes about half an hour for me to able to straighten my back to stand upright after getting up. My legs and hips have been really bad aswell, they have felt that almost cannot take my weight and its a real psychological battle to get moving.
The last couple of days in fact i have felt that if i just relaxed my mind that i actually could not walk, its really has taken all my mental strength which beleive me is a lot to get going and get around.
Some of you know that i have 5 children and i really do not have much of an opportunity to rest and really the last few months i have got through things using mind over matter, literally, everytime in my mind i think i just can't, my mind cuts in and says there no such thing as can't and pushes me on.
I know that this is partly my fault as i was suroposed to start my methotrexate but have not got round it as i feel guilty that my husband is running around everywhere doing the school runs , the shopping and taking the kids to clubs etc and the metho will involve weekly bloods. I had to stop pred bacause it flared up my stomach so bad that i couldn,t swallow, i also had to stop my other nsaid due to my stomach, i have been advised to have an intramuscular steroid injection but as before i have not yet gone to have this.
I have talked to my husband to has told me that we will arrange to do the bloods for the metho evey Wednesday so that good.
Spoke with my gp this morning who has told me come in on Thursday for the steroid.
I am in agony, i can hardly move, my hands won't grip, my eyes are painful to move and my headache just won't budge.
I am already on plaqu and i take high doses of painkillers.

I am just wondering how do people manage with lots of kids, i am lucky that 4 of my children are at school, i just have my 15 mth old at home, my husband has cut down his hrs at work to help me as i am receiving DLA but i have to try and manage from 9-3.
It's very difficult for me handle my son at the moment as he quite big and heavy for his age, bless him!
I still do all the chores at home, my husband cooks about once durIng the week and does quite a lot of the cooking at the weekend.
I am very devoted to my kids and put alot into their education, music lessons etc, but i feel at the moment that are the commitments are taking their toll and this is making me quite irritable with the family, which i feel really guilty about. :sad:
On top of this my ex partner has now taken me to court for a defined contact order and parental responsibilty order, (long story, i won't go there!)And unfortunately i was not eligable for leagal aid and cannot afford to pay a solicitor so have to represent myself!
PPPPHHHEEEEEEWW!!!!!!!! :lol:
What i am to do?!!!

Take Care everyone

Cassie :)
 

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I just wanted to give you a hug {{{{{Cassie}}}}}.
:grouphug2:
 
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