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In my 29 years, I've dated just about every kind of man out there... from 38 year old closet D&D players to Duke Law Students to whatever... but I've never dated a doctor, for obvious reasons...

Well, I've finally given in and after several attempts by him to coerce me into some sort of chummy relationship, here we are...

I am normally 100% honest w/people about my lupus as it becomes appropriate b/c I find it easier to let them know in advance that I'm not 100% all the time...

This guy, however, I don't think I can tell him... Doctors are my sworn enemy after all I've been through... So many of them think people w/multiple symptoms are sick in the head instead of physically sick and I'm terrified he'll be one of those...

So, just posting to vent... first time I've ever considered not disclosing my lupus. I feel like I shouldn't even date him, I know I could never marry a doctor... I mean, I worry no doctor would marry me... it's just hard...

I guess I know how other people feel when they date me now... (I work in mental health...and guys get really insecure... I get it...)

Any suggestions on how to just be in the moment and not let his job make me brand him enemy?
 

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Hi :)

To be honest, whether he is, or is not a doctor has little or no bearing on your relationship. It might not be a long term thing, you just don't know right now but hey, if he was this most wonderful person that you might think about spending a long time with, then he HAS to know the truth. If he is worth his salt as a doc anyway, he should kind of guess something is up and is more likely to think you're wrong in the head if you don't tell him than if you do.

just my take,
Katharine
 

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I just had a thought.

What if he checked your medicine cabinet or where ever you keep your meds and saw all your meds. Wouldn't he figure it out then.

I think i would feel betrayed if someone didn't tell me of their illness, even in a chummy relationship, especially since he's a doctor.

Just like you should not be judging him because he is a doctor, he should not judge you because you have lupus.

Good Luck
 

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For me it would depend no how long I was thinking of seeing him for.

If it was likely to be a short term thing I would definitely not bother, and just enjoy the moment.

HOWEVER! Since you are talking about marriage and considering him as a potential/possible long term suitor you might as well get it off your chest ... sooner rather than later.

If it bothers him, he's not for you becasue as a marriage prospect he absolutelty has to be supportive or you'll both be miserable. He might even feel a bit cheated if he gets really attached and then you coose to tell him once he's 'hooked' so to speak.

I do think honesty is the best policy, but it is entirely up to us when we choose to share personal information, and there's nothing wrong with that. It is nobody else's business ... unless they are going to have to share it with us. Then i do think they should be fore warned. But - what's the hurry?

How's that for mixed messages?

Good luck, and let us know how it is going - it's so long since i dated i have forgotten what it's like! I think it was always supposed to be fun though!

:love:
 

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Hi, well I'd say tell him about your lupus - honesty is always the best policy.

Don't let his job put you off - he may be one of the "good" doctors who already knows about lupus, and if he doesn't already know anything much about lupus you may end up doing fellow lupus sufferers a favour by educating him about lupus, how it really affects us etc.
We need as many doctors as possible who are "friends" to those with lupus and not the "enemy"

I personally think that anyone worth being in a relationship with me, has to accept me and that includes the fact I have lupus. Certainly anyone who I may have a long term relationship with would have to know sooner or later and in my experience the sooner they know the better.

So I'd advise "come clean" with him, judge his reaction - It's one of the best ways I know of finding out how "great" a guy is, you soon find out how careing, supportive, willing to listen and empathazise etc a man is. Those who are worth your energy and love will support you, those who it "puts off" are not worth bothering with.
 

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Hi,
I'm hopeless at giving advice,but what I'd really like to know is,how did you get to date all these men?and what was I doing wrong all my life?:lol:
seriously,though,if there's something,'there' and you just get on,you'll get through anything so I'd try not to worry too much,
Julsie
 

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Im sorry but i have to agree with everything that Katharine as said here!!

All the best anyway for the future who ever you end up with.....

take care
Lin x
 

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Hi SingleGirl

My new motto on any future relationships: If I like him enough to kiss him, I'll respect him enough to tell him about my condition. If he chooses to leave, disappointment early on is better that ashattered heart later. If he stays and I eventually love him enough to marry him, We'll never doubt that our relationship is built on trust and honesty!

Relax, take a deep breath and go for it! What do you have to lose?

X T X :)
 

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haha i agree, if its short term you dont have to worry about telling him, but if your thinking long term, you should, and if he judges you for it, than that way you know hes no good right from the start ;) but i do understand , it would be weird, i wouldnt want them telling me things that could help all the time, i wouldnt want to feel like a patient, we feel like that enough of the time
 
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