Dearest Jen,
I am very sorry, your feeling down. I wish..I could help you to feel better, in some small way.
Depression, is a horrible feeling, or state of being. I know, one thing.. your not a failure. Your a good person, that is very giving of yourself, to other's on this site, when we are in need. No person, so giving is a failure.
Please know, you can come to any of us, and talk and we will do our best to help you through, each moment of your depression.
I have been hospitalized three times with depression myself, and have been phychotic, once..so I understand, what a bottomless pit, depression feels like.
Please, don't beat yourself up. You didn't ask to be chronically ill, or to have a disease that effects your brain.
For me depression, was my first symptom of Lupus. It didn't show up in my bloods at that point in time, and didn't for several more years..All the while, I got sicker and sicker (depression as well). I have probably been on most of the depression meds on the market, and anti-phychotics as well.
I don't want to turn this into a about me, post Jen. I want to encourage you.
If you have any questions..Please feel free, to e-mail me.
Please remember, your a wonderful, giving person, and you happen to be ill, with lupus.
When I was in the hospital, we were given a journal. We were asked to write in it each day. It was a little exercise to help our self esteem. We were asked to write something we liked about ourself, each day in our journal. If we couldn't think of something that day.. We were to ask some one that knew us.. (and that we trusted), what they liked about us!
When we felt terrible about ourselves, we looked in our journal, and saw what we had written.
Are you suffering physically also? I hope not, Jen..:sad: Often, one comes with the other..I am so sorry.
I hope you can find a compassionate Dr. to help you. Just try and take that leap..once again. We will all hope and pray that this time..You will find, that right Dr.
I am sorry you have gone through so much Jen. :hugbetter:
Love,
Sandy