Don't feel like a failure! I too get bouts of depression. I think we all get this way at some point in our life. No need to feel like your a failure and yes you can talk to us any time! I feel more at ease talking online than to my doctor when I get depressed. Hope you feel better soon!:hehe:
I'm sorry your feeling so low. On the positive side of this, you have realised that something is not right and you have already started to seek help for it. I'm afraid I can't say much else, except that you must indeed talk to your doc about it. Make sure that you explain to him that this feels really different. It is also important not to keep it to yourself and talk to someone, even if that someone has to be a counseller if there's no-one else who can help enough.
We do all get bouts of the blues but I think it's really important to realise whether this is one you can bounce back from or not.
(((((( hugs ))))))))) I understand completely. Depression was the first big symptom of this disease that sent me toddling off to the doctor's office five years ago,expecting a prescription for Prozac and a quick fix. Hah. This is not to say that the depression wasn't real. But it was caused by the Lupus, not the other way around. Nonetheless, whenever I go into another flare that brings about sudden loss of energy, my husband's first question is "are you depressed again??" I know he means it caringly. But it drives me nuts. (no pun intended there)
You had a really hard situation and have worked your way past it. Now, your disease is being treated responsibly. It's possible that you have another depression caused by a flarelet (is that a word??). But it's also possible that just like anybody else, you've gotten out of chemical kilter and are just "normal" depressed.
I personally hate all this considering of how I feel, both physically and emotionally. I just want to go about my business and stop thinking about my body. I bet you feel the same.
I don't have any suggestions or advice. But I'm sending lots of hugs your way. And loads of understanding and wishing I could do something to ease your way along. I understand that grief has cycles and I seem to be coming back around to "anger" -- having given totally up on "acceptance" for the time being. Bargaining is out of the question -- I mean, who do we bargain with?
Hang in there and try not to be harsh on yourself. If you need to talk to someone and sort it out, how about a therapist who isn't a psychiatrist? Maybe just somebody who will let you talk about how you feel without trying to fit it into a scope of diagnosis?
Oh heck, have a brownie and a good cup of espresso and curl up on your sofa in your jammies and watch an old, silly movie that makes you laugh. It may not help but it sure won't hurt.
So sorry that you are so down.
Depression can be so complicated, what with emotional, biochemical, physical, spiritual and social aspects.
"This too will pass" sounds so trite but it is true. [Insert here every cliche every mouthed my parents and grandparents.]
I hope you come out of it soon.
To quote our board philosopher, "Lupus sucks."
Im so sorry to hear that you cant talk to anyone but really glad to know that this place is here for you when things get so bad :hug:
I can so understand what you mean when you say you were let down in the past. I dont have direct experience of depression but have a daughter who has suffered from it all her life. Boy could I tell you stories of idiot psychiatrists.
So from that prespective I totally get it. I remember her saying to me one day that she was so resentful of having to take a pill that altered her way of 'being' and how she fought and railed against the idea that she couldnt just be herself without any medical interventions. She still feels like that sometimes but she has started to accept that the brain is just an organ - much like most of our other organs. Sometimes it goes wrong and sometimes it misfires. The medication doesnt change the very essence of her - which is a wonderful human being. What it does is provide her with the tools to be who she is. A wonderful, intelligent, warm, caring individual. Much like yourself actually.
The warmest people I have ever met in my life have suffered from depression at some time. Thats a fact. I think they were born with a layer of skin missing.... they are so sensitive to others. Thats what makes them special.
Do you have a friend that you can confide in? Tell them what you said here and ask them to walk the journey with you. Go seek whatever help and support you need right now. You deserve it.
I am sorry you are feeling depressed. I get both too. I've been on and off meds for prob 15 yrs. I'm currently taking two different things to help keep me "level" and for sleep. I don't find the meds have changed my personality or make me different, basically I just feel they keep me from allowing areas of my life becoming too much. I can still get the "blues" for a day or so but not anything like I'd be without them. It is my firm opinion that not all "mental health professionals" are created equal, nor should they all be allowed to treat clinically. (Love you Raglet). Like any other practice there are the good ones and the not so good ones. I don't know or should I say remember your personal story regarding this issue, but I've known you as a loving friend and compassionate advocate. I do hope and pray you feel better soon. No one should ever visit "the well of dispair" or have to stay for long. Hopefully your doc can help. Please remember we are always here for you, as you've been for so many others.
I am very sorry, your feeling down. I wish..I could help you to feel better, in some small way.
Depression, is a horrible feeling, or state of being. I know, one thing.. your not a failure. Your a good person, that is very giving of yourself, to other's on this site, when we are in need. No person, so giving is a failure.
Please know, you can come to any of us, and talk and we will do our best to help you through, each moment of your depression.
I have been hospitalized three times with depression myself, and have been phychotic, once..so I understand, what a bottomless pit, depression feels like.
Please, don't beat yourself up. You didn't ask to be chronically ill, or to have a disease that effects your brain.
For me depression, was my first symptom of Lupus. It didn't show up in my bloods at that point in time, and didn't for several more years..All the while, I got sicker and sicker (depression as well). I have probably been on most of the depression meds on the market, and anti-phychotics as well.
I don't want to turn this into a about me, post Jen. I want to encourage you.
If you have any questions..Please feel free, to e-mail me.
Please remember, your a wonderful, giving person, and you happen to be ill, with lupus.
When I was in the hospital, we were given a journal. We were asked to write in it each day. It was a little exercise to help our self esteem. We were asked to write something we liked about ourself, each day in our journal. If we couldn't think of something that day.. We were to ask some one that knew us.. (and that we trusted), what they liked about us!
When we felt terrible about ourselves, we looked in our journal, and saw what we had written.
Are you suffering physically also? I hope not, Jen..:sad: Often, one comes with the other..I am so sorry.
I hope you can find a compassionate Dr. to help you. Just try and take that leap..once again. We will all hope and pray that this time..You will find, that right Dr.
I am sorry you have gone through so much Jen. :hugbetter:
I don't think I can add anything, the others have said it all so well. Just wanted to offer my sympathy for the feeling. I know what you mean and it sucks big time. Maybe go search on the lupus tshirts for the ones that say things like "luck fupus", etc. It usually gives me a grin even if its only internal. Best wishes.