Oh Dear Flutterbye,
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. I empathise so much with you at the moment, I just would not have been as brave as you have been to come out and say it. I have been rock botton too and feeling really isolated, what you said really touch a chord with me.
I just want you to know that actually you have every right when dealing with this awful disease to feel like absolute rubbish and feel sorry for yourself.
But don't blame it on you, it is not your fault, these things tend not to happen to people without hearts and soles and patience and love inside them as they could never cope with all that has to be put with.
THIS IS NOT HAPPENING BECAUSE YOU ARE A BAD PERSON
Is there anythng if you could do anything that you could think of that might make you feel better. It's hard to make recommendations ot someone else you don't know. But maybe put on some music, having a good cry and sing to let off some steam and then turn up the tempo and dance around the living room. When I used get depressed alot I used to rely on music too help change my mood. I had music that would make me cry if I needed to cry, music that made me feel free, music that got me going when I needed motivating.
Then when you have let some of this awful stuff off your chest maybe there is someone you can have a chat to.
For me it is very hard to talk about things when I feel that low, I kinda of have to come a couple of depths out of depression to actually talk about it.
I have called the samaritans just to have a cry and to talk to someone who didn't actually know me!
And when you feel like a chat to your gp to fill them in on the situation.
Please just take care and please pm if you want to I really don't mind. It helps me to feel worthwhile if I can help someone else feel a bit better.
Please take care of yourself! :there: :hug: