[itchy_madness]

Me and My Co-worker at the office always have a fight for over a year. We've known each other and became a close friend since she was down and had a trouble with other friends. I couldn't believe one day she ignored me and didn't care about me.And the never ending sick and stupid story began as follows:

1. She didn't like the way I expressed my point of view about train ticket .
i just told her that other country can easily use smart pass ticket. That's it. but it made her angry and didn't talk to me for 3 days.

2. I called her just to talk about something but she told me that she was busy and suddenly talk to her friend about crap thing instead 2 hours later I tried to talk to her again but it didn't work. she told me "Stop paying attention to me". after that she didn't talk to me for a week.

3. I had some problems but at that time i didn't want to talk about it. So when she asked me " What's wrong with me?" I said "Nothing" and she didn't talk to me for 3 weeks

4. She was disappointed in me when i talked to her enemy. (her enemy not MINE)

5. She angried with me when i told her the reason why she had to click on safely remove hardware before removing my flash drive and then she aggressively pulled the bottle from my hand when i passed it to her. it made her angry , and now she doesn't talk to me.

Anyway, when i tried to talk to her about the problem, all i got from her is her classic word " you think too much.", "there's nothing.", "I'm not wrong","I don't want to be close to you","Today i just want to talk to my friend not you", "I don't like you.What's wrong with you", "We're just Co-Worker","you make a trouble" etc.

i'm so sick of it. i don't want to care about her because she hurts me so much. she make me nervous and uncomfortable too because she sits next to me.

HOW CAN I DEAL WITH MY FRIEND?

p.s. Thanks for reading

 

[sam101360]

Hi:

OK...first of, she is not your friend! People who are friends do not cut them out for stupid things, they say "you hurt my feeling by saying...", "I didn't like the way you..." or something to get the conversation going and get the issue out in the air.

This person is a problem, she is adding stress to your day, your life, your work environment. You DO NOT need additional stress in your life, now or ever.

I suggest you paste a smile on your face when you see her, say hello and be cordial, do not "put yourself" out there, she will re-buff you until she is good and ready and you have been punished enough....then it will start all over again.

Just keep saying to yourself, she is a co-worker, I must be cordial, but I don have to be nice, I do not have to offer more than the superficial courtesy of an acquaintenance.

No matter what, even if she makes the effort to try and repair the friendhip, this person can and will be toxic at some point, you don't need it.

Sorry - Stephanie

 

[ALWIN]

Hi 'Itchy'

Please take this as intended. I have good intentions.

Many years ago my grandma listened to me breaking my heart about a friend I had fallen out with before I was ready to move on to a different friend. I felt very rejected and hurt.

When I had finished crying and telling her my sorry tale, my grandma simply said 'don't waste time on people that don't like you, dear'.

It seemed a rather inadequate response to me, but many years later I count it as just about the best advice I ever got. Since she was 96 when she died, I reckon she knew a thing or two.

Please don't try to seek this person's approval. Some friendships come and go, and this is healthy and noraml. This seems to me to be one that's best gone because it is hurting you.

Real friendships don't hurt like this.

 

[Katharine]

I would agree with Alwin - very wise grandma there!

I wouldn't give her another thought. As you have to sit next to her at work, pasting a smile on your face and saying hello brightly as if nothing has ever happened (while really not giving a toss) sounds like a good idea.

I have had two extremely traumatic experiences in life (nothing to do with lupus) and found on both occasions that friends are often not those that you think. The people who stood by me and my family on both occasions were totally unexpected. They were the true friends. All other people in life I keep on a long pole, more than arm's length. I spend time with them, even enjoy their company, but I don't get that close at all. Some of those people will in time be true friends, some will simply drop away. This doesn't mean that I won't be a friend to them, sometimes I will. In fact I'm a very loyal friend, but I never ever expect the slightest thing in return and if, a while later, they drift away, well, so be it.

Haha, now I've written half a book, when all I really wanted to say was - Don't waste time, energy or thought on such people. They are people you used to get on with. They must never be confused with friends who are a whole other category (and very rare!).

just my take,
Katharine

 

[itchy_madness]

Thanks for your advice. you guys are so nice.

 

[Sage Hen]

Hi Itchy,

I just wanted to tell you..Not to be surprised, if she gets more mean/hurtful towards you, once she realises you won't be her punching bag.

My guess is..She will become very frustrated.

Best Wishes,
Sandy

 

[acard]

Itchy,:hug:
I see that it has been a year and I think that speaks volumes. She is not a friend and you are going to have to treat her as a co worker-nothong more and nothing less. You don't deserve the way she treats you. You don't need to be second guessing yourself or "walking around on eggshells" when you are around her. You are smart and nice and you deserve to be treated much better by a "true friend". This stress is also not good for your health.
Go to work and be a professional and leave and hang out with your real friends


Hugs,
Becca