[Jirel]

In June my doctor agreed to my quitting work. - well, actually I took "short term disability" until my time ran out and they fired me. The first two weeks seemed great. Then the world fell in. I started having financial problems when the insurance income I thought would come through didn't (still working on that). The thing is, I'm not working and I feel just as bad as I did when I was working. I'm not getting things done around the house, the doctor actually had to increase my pain medication for the first time in 2 years - its not at all what I thought would happen.

On the good side, I can spend time doing things I like (reading, computer) and not have to force myself to work, but I really thought I would not be as tired or depressed or in as much pain once I quit working. I would go back to work except the reason I quit is because I can no longer DO my work - it was very mental and my mind isn't what it used to be. And then I have dreams 1 - 2 times a week where I am at work, trying to do my work and failing. Over and over again.

I'm hoping you'all understand what I'm saying. I am blessed with a couple of friends who sympathise and feel like I shouldn't complain, but sometimes I'm just really pissed off.

 

[Maia]

I can understand the way you're thinking/feeling about things. There's never any hard, concrete proof we made the right right decision with just about any decision in our life....

I did not improve for well over a year after I left my job, and I'm still not well. But I know for sure that I am better off not working, than if I was still working. I have no doubts about that, and I know I am unable to work as well. It is frustrating to have the hope that stopping working will make you feel better... and then it just doesn't happen. Very frustrating - but I do believe you made the right decision and are probably better off for it health wise and emotionally and hopefully in the end the financial considerations will be taken care of appropriately as well.

 

[LolaLola]

Jirel, I am sorry you have these problems. Worry about money can really pull you down. When I feel poorly motivated I try to achieve at least three things a day, even if on bad days it is something like making an overdue phone call,or turning out a drawer.
x Lola

 

[SingleGirl]

I've been unemployed since April, partly due to a family emergency, partly due to a poor economy, and partly due to my resistance to taking a job I knew would put me at risk for a bad flare up. Well, here I am in financial ruins and in an obviously awful flare.

I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for you to make that decision... but I trust you know what's best for you and I hope when the time comes for me, I'll be as strong as you in making my decision.

Just last week, my hip gave out, and for the first time in my life, I flashed an image of myself needing a cane. It floored me... I almost cried. I'm 29... where did that thought come from... I'm healthy... I am young... a can, pshaw... The truth is, though, I've probably needed a cane more than once already... and I, too, will probably face disability one day...

and it sucks...

I hope you are adjust soon... don't feel bad about talking out your feelings... we all have them... and like shrek says.. "better out than in I always say."

 

[Katharine]

Hi Jirel,

I can totally sympathise and I hope it will reassure you to know that I felt exactly the same after stopping work. I also had a problem with insurance and in the beginning the severe lack of money really stressed me which I think did a lot of harm in general. I am still working on the insurance and actually had to take them to court but on that count I have become very good at the ostrich technique - if I don't think about it it doesn't exist! I mean, I know it does but it helps me to conciously do that. I can now work a little and supplement my health insurance money with a little freelance work so that has made things slighty easier.

I did get to feel better but it took quite a few months. I think the problem is that we push on doing a job we can't do for so long and it takes an awful long time for the body to be able to recuperate from that.

For me, it also took several months (about eighteen) to actually control my disease activity - only then did I occasionally experience the odd day of boredom.

I'm afraid I can't help more other than to say that it should get better. I know two months may seem long, but really in disease and healing terms it is very short. (Now the question is, where did I get that 2 months thing from????? - beats me)

I hope you really start to feel better soon,
hugs :grouphug2:

Katharine

 

[Douglas]

Hi Jirel,
So sorry to hear of not working not working, if you will forgive that way of putting it.
It is over four years since my early retirement and I still have challenging days wherein I can seemingly do nothing or if I do I suffer for it greatly afterwards. On really challenging day as shower in the morning feels llike a day's work. And hard work at that. I had days like that when working but now, when I can be a blob guilt free, it seems weird that I cannot do even simple things. I need to pull the battery from my motorcycle. I may get it done by 2013AD. I have been trying to write a wee paper on French philosophy (don't ask!) for months now and still have a very nice blank computer screen to show for it. All I can do now is shovel our forty foot sidewalk - but at windchills near -40 that is enough.:lol:
All I can do is realize that if I rest enough I have fewer challenging days; as well I can be amazed that I could work at all with Lupus.
I pray things will look up for you soon.
Douglas+

 

[Jirel]

Thanks everyone for your kind comments, I do appreciate them. And its nice to know I'm not the only one that didn't start feeling good when they quit working.

 

[kmac24]

sorry to hear about the additional financial burden. I fear i will be faced with that too soon. I am under my physicians care who approved time out of work but my work is trying to make me return as well currently out on STD. I also payed for Long term disability and plan on taking that. Can you not apply for social security disabilty with lupus? Just wondering what I will be facing finacilaly since my job will probably fire me as welll if I do not return to work next week.

 

[x_claire_x]

Kmac24 this is an old thread...last one Dec 2008.....so I will close it now, but feel free to start a new thread should you wish to......Claire