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Discussion Starter #1
I know that sounds harsh....I feel like a loser but I am being honest.

I talked to my boss...he talked to his partner...about taking a day off during the week and cutting my hours....He approved it,said they want long term relationship, my work is excellent, want to accomodate me.

Of course,my paycheck gets cut by a day which is a lot = annually I freak out when I think about it.

So instead of being happy about this that maybe I will feel a little better and be able to function, I feel like such a loser.

A loser because I cannot work full time, hurting my pocket and putting more on my husband, looking at my annual loss and thinking am I crazy? Suppose to make more money,not less.

Also about the other 3 people that work there, I said nothing about it, I am not going in today as this is my day off, they don't know, am worried about what will be said about it. Stupid right? My husband says who cares about what they say. The boss will probably tell them first thing in the morning when he remembers I am not there.

but that is me, worry about the unimportant. I just always dwell about not being able to do what everyone else can do, you know what I mean.

A pitty party for myself. Sorry. But needed to say it out loud.
 

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Stop beating yourself up!

Sweetie:

You still have so much to be grateful for in this situation. Your bosses support and respect you, they want you for the long term and are willing to work with you through any situation! Your husband is supportive! You are still able to work, even though it is one day less, by doing this you may be forestalling having to stop completely.

Its funny how you adjust quickly to the lesser income, it will mean a little belt tightening, but its not the end of the world.

I went through this much worse when I had to stop working completely, I couldn't go to part time as I managed large projects and staff, I worked in my career for 25 years and had to stop....the loss of income was minor in comparison with the loss of self image...I felt like such a burden rather than a helpmate. Time heals all, I now feel better about being home, as I am still alive and after 5 years we found that we managed very well, it did take time and adjustment to our lifestyle to handle this, but I am finally able to say I am glad I stopped when I did.

Please take the time to rest and not beat yourself up about not working full time. If you do this now, who knows, it may have such a positive affect on your health that you might be able to think about going back to full time somewhere in the future.

Your health has to come before all other considerations.

Much love and supportive (((HUGS))) - Stephanie
 

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Hi Paula,

I understand your feelings but your not a loser and your husband still respects you just as much as he did one month ago.:wink2::wink2::wink2:

As for looking at that annual number...............STOP!!! You will make yourself mad doing that and your right, worry for no reason. Things will work out, somehow they always do.

I know that when I went on permanent disability our annual income dropped nearly in half. I also looked at that number and thought I would hit the floor. Certainly I knew we would never be able to continue living in our house and in my mind I was trying to figure out if we should sell and move in with my mother. Had I done that my marriage would have gone down the tubes as my mom and hubby are not fast friends.

Well, we are fine and have adjusted the way we live. It is amazing when you sit down and right things on paper how much money you can save and how much we spend on things that just are not necessary.

I no longer get my nails done, buy shoes just because they are pretty, go to lunch with the girls, get extra things just because the local supermarket has them on sale, etc....you get the idea. Life has gone on, we are doing fine and it has made me realize how when you live simply life can be easier in some ways.

Makes you appreciate things more if that makes sense. We are pay check to pay check people now but we are happy and life really does go on.

Keep your chin up...............you will be fine. Don't worry about what you can not control. Somehow things always work out. It is Gods plan Paula and he has your back. Put your faith in him and relax.

I hope your well.:wink2::wink2::wink2:
 

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Hi Paula :)

I do know exactly how you feel but am also so glad that they did agree!!

I used to have feelings like that - still do sometimes - but I have had to stop working completely. The very little I was doing was simply not financially viable and was costing more in social security payments (I'm self employed) than it was earning.

I have gone from being completely alone and fully independent to dependent on my husband's income.

Thankfully my husband echoes yours. He would far rather come in at the end of the day and that we have a "life after work" than come home to someone who is so exhausted that she can't speak to the children, him or even the dog :lol: Of course, "exhaustion" wasn't the reason I had to stop, there were so many others.

Whether cutting down or stopping, I think it is important to not lose sight of what is important in life. Obviously, paying bills is and some people aren't lucky enough to be able to lean on someone else a little but, at the end of the day, life is made for living and enjoying it as much as we can within our capabilities.

Try turning it around the other way... if your husband were ill, what would you say/think?

Huge hugs and please relax and ENJOY your day off :grouphug2:

Katharine
 

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Hi Paula

Im not going to patronise you and say you made the right decision and that long term its better for you, etc. Im not going to say that because I know you understand that - otherwise you wouldnt have had to make the decision to reduce your hours.

What I will say is please dont fret too much about this as the anxiety will cause you to be ill or at the very least to feel more depressed and low :hugbetter:

As someone who went from five days a week to four days a week and two and a half days a week, I completely get where you are coming from. The drop in salary has been very heard to accommodate but also so has the drop in morale. I still have people connected with my job asking me how I am with that sympathetic tilt of the head that people do when they feel very sorry for you.... Thats harder to bear than the drop in salary!

You are absolutely not a loser by the way. You lost your job in dramatic circumstances. You picked yourself up again and went out and found a new job. You did all of this while going through chronic health problems and personal issues which you wrote about here some time ago. Actually I think you are a bit of a superwoman!

Many people today are looking for a work-life balance - even those without any health problems. Think of it more in terms of that - four days in work and three days at home. You nearly have the balance right!

As far as money goes, sit down with your hubby and see if there are some things you can cut back on. I was surprised at how much 'rubbish' I bought - things I really didnt need and I have stopped doing that now. Im sure I spend half of my money feeding the fridge! I am ashamed to tell you how often I used to throw things out because they were out of date. I think long and hard now before parting with my cash because I have to.

Today is a big day for you. Its the first day off and Im sure you are thinking about work all the time. Give it a few weeks and it will become more normal and you will, hopefully, feel the benefit of that extra day.

Take care
Luv n stuff
Joan:rose:
 

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Everyone else has said it better than I could. You've done what's right for you and it's a hard decision to make, but it's done now. I hope it gives you a better quality of life as that's what's important here. And it doesn't make you a loser either - I'd think you were more a loser to carry on as you were, coming in every night and just collapsing. That's what I'm doing and I feel more the loser, I'm a wage slave and have zero life.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Thank you so much. You have no idea how much you have helped me. I feel better ! :)

I guess I just needed to be reminded of what is more important and also that you all understand and have been faced with similar choices.

You are right that I need to be pleased that I am still working and know that so many more are not. So I am going to count my blessings and not be so down on myself about it.

Oh boy, to top it off, a coworker called my home to say " are you alright? you aren't here and we were worried about you" .....my boss was there and never told the staff that I was not coming in, so I had to ! Just what I did not want to do. Oh well. What is done, is done.

Thanks again and hugs to all of you !
 

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Hi Paula,

Just think you will have a 3 day weekends. :)

Sure is great that your hubby supports you. Your health is more important than any job.

Take care and well done.

Love,
Lyn
 

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Hey Paula

You know I could have written this. A Year ago I had to reduce my hours too I went from 45 hours to 25 hours because I could not manage the full time hours any more. I too felt like a bit of a looser or to be more precises a failure that I could no longer work full time and that it put extra onto my husband. I will admit I wish I had done it sooner!

I have had times were I have got down about it and then my husband has put me straight. He has been mega supportive. I have had to watch what I spend and I have stressed about money, but to be honest we have managed and we are not that much worse for me working less hours.

I am sure that you will get plenty of support from your husband as I am sure he would rather have you feeling better than working yourself into the ground.

Good luck with the new hours and look after yourself:hug:

Claire
 

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Dear Paula,
Wishing you all the best. I am so glad your Boss told you how good your work is. That does not happen to losers!
x Lola
 

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Hi I am going through exactly the same thing at the moment, my work are cutting me down to part time..thats about £500 less a month...theres no way i can survive on it so am going to have to get another part time job aswell!

I totally understand what you mean about worrying about your collegues aswell..mine have been less than understanding and i just know they are saying stuff about me behind my back.

Please dont feel like a loser, you are not alone in this. its just another crap thing us lupies have to go through!

I hope it really works for you and your health improves xxxxxxxxx
 

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Paula,
It is ok, it took me awhile to adjust to cutting hours back also. I know how you feel I felt the same way at first. I think if I can get past all that and focus on feeling better in time maybe I can start to increase my hours again. It might not be realist but that is what keeps me going. I keep telling myself nothing is forever not even lupus set backs.

Your husband seems to be handling this better than you lol, imagine that. He sounds like a wonderful supportive person. He wants you to feel better too I am sure. If this is what it takes to feel a little bit better and maybe be able to spend more quality time together than it is worth it right.

Sometimes we are our worsest enemies. Our thoughts of having to do what others without chronic illnesses do and even better is harder on us. We have to remind ourselves everyday, if our bodies don't for us, that we have limits and must ahear to them. To be better we have to do less sometimes. I hope this helps in some small way and feel better about it all soon and can get back to your work that you seem to like so well.
 

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You shouldn't feel bad. 2 months ago I had to go to my boss and ask if my company could do anything for me too. I felt horrible about it. I am a manager of one of the departments and felt that my employees need me around all the time. My company ended up giving me every Wednesday off. They figured I could use a break in the middle of the week. They were happy to help me....which made me feel even more appreciative of them and even more bad that I have to have them go out of their way for me.

Let me just say that it's helped my health tremendously. As for my employees, I tell them to call me at home with any questions, no matter what. The new schedule is working out great.

Hang in there...hopefully the way you're feeling will subside :)
 

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Hi Paula,

I am thrilled to hear that your boss paid you a complement and let you know your work is appreciated and that you do a good job.

This alone must make you feel better. It would have been nice if he had informed the co-workers that you were not coming in yet he may just have forgotten.

I hope your doing better now.:wink2::wink2::wink2:
 
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