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I have lupus and a have recently started to date someone new. I have told him of it but not quite sure how to explain how it affects me, or the syptoms of what show during a flare up. How can i explain this?
 

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I've moved your post to Relationships... it's probably the best section for your question.

To answer your question - it probably depends on how serious the relationship is right now. But I would just plain tell it like it is - which for me would be that when I get a bad flare there is usually bad fatigue, joint pain, and fevers & I don't feel like doing much but staying home and resting or watching TV. Of course there is more to the story than that, but that would be a good start. I would also probably talk about how the sun can be very difficult to take as that often affects date possibilities.

You just have to think about how lupus affects you, and how it is likely to affect what you do in your relationship sometimes. If you have long remissions, or serious problems with your kidneys/etc., I'd probably tell about that sooner rather than later. You can read the stickies in this section or in the families section for ideas of what to say as well...

Good luck - hopefully you've found a great guy. You've already told him about your condition to some degree - & he's still here. There is so much information available these days, he can and maybe has researched a little already himself.
 

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Hello there,

I think Maia has given very good advice.
I met my husband the month before I came out of a two year remission! I didn't "tell" him about my lupus as at that time I didn't have a diagnosis so couldn't really have said it was that even if I suspected it (my Mum has dermatomyosistis and lupus).

As the months went by he could "see" how I was being affected. As I had divorced 1 1/2 years before, I think I was rather relaxed about how he would take it.

In short I figured that if he couldn't adapt to the ups and downs and just accept me as I was then he wasn't the right person. I think that took a lot of stress out of wondering how much I should/shouldn't tell him.

In the end he "passed all the tests" as he remained flexible, considerate and loving through everything and proposed to me the month I was diagnosed (no connection :)).

I think that you have done the right thing in telling him something. It would be very wrong to try and hide what's going on. Often when we meet people we try and show the "best" of ourselves. Being ill meant that I was never able to show anything other than who I really am. I think a lot of non lupus sufferers could learn from that :lol: as it means the person really gets to see who we are and accept (or not) what they see.

bye for now,
Katharine
 
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