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I don’t know if this aggravates any of you or if you have experienced it.

My mother-in-law telephones me and asks me how I am. I inform her no different then yesterday and I tell her I received a letter I have to go for an urgent MRI. She then states, I have to go for a blood test too and completely dismisses me. I then listen to a 20 minute conversation as to why she needs to have her U&E’s (SMA7) retested from an abnormal result 6 months earlier. She then continues to inform me of all the ailments her friends have and when they are in their 70’s there are a lot of them. She then proceeds to continue on for another 10 minutes about her other friend who has to have her knee replaced and compares this friend’s ailment with yours because in her mind you both have the same thing.

Why is it a competition as to who is the most ill? Why do we have to be compared to everyone else?

I just don’t say anything anymore because it doesn’t make a bit of difference what I have to say and this way I don’t get aggravated.

Just a moan!!!
Stacie
 

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Yes, I have a mother that does that. She's always seems more interested in the health of the nursing home patients then her 3 daughters which have lupus. I said to her I'm going to bed early because I'd been up since 4am with my back aching..she said well I've been up since 4.30am. The thing is with Mum is that if she can divert her sympathy towards herself or others she doesn't have to deal the feeling of helplessness towards us...if that makes sense. They think by telling us about others people's illnesses it may in someway make us feel less alone. It's annoying especially if you're having a flare. Try to think of something funny when you speak to her...like her with a beard. Don't let it bother you. You've got enough to handle. Good luck.
 

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elisabethm
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Hi Stacie there are a lot of people that do it then when thy ask how are you and you start to tell them it is o wait till i tell you what is wrong with me.So i try to avoid people that i know that will turn there problems on to them and i just say sorry i have to go So why ask someone how they are when all they want is for you to listen to there problems Elisabeth
 

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Oh, How I know about that

Dear Stacie,
Yes. I have some people who have to play the I know someone who is sicker than you, or I am sicker than you.;) These people also tend to have someone who always have more problems, a worse day etc.:mad: I try either to block them out, or just say I am fine when they ask, most of the people I have in my life like that have sort of distanced themselves from me, of course it is so hard with family. What I have had to do with my mom is compare how I feel with how my aunt looked like when she was ill, :sad: unfortunately she has passed away, but we had somewhat similar illnesses. That shut her up right away, she never said anything else that day, but was a bit nicer to me later on that day. What people need to understand is when someone says how they are, especially if you ask them, then they should listen to what you have to say, I do anyway. Unfortunately, How are you? or a comment of illness leads other people to either totally ignore what you say or expand upon what they or someone else goes through. What I have also pointed out is some people think autoimmune disorders are genetic. That gives people something to think about, especially if they are family, my Mom already knows that because our family was considered at one time to be studied because of the high incidence of those kinds of illnesses in our family. Of course a quick gotta go works too, the bathroom has saved me from many an unwanted converstion. I also agree that people don't want to feel the helplessness about the disease, my dad doesn't call or email me at all and he lives within five minutes of me, but has said that all my problems are too painful for him to deal with...and that was before I got the diagnosis of lupus. You could always try to tell her how you feel, but I am not sure she wants to listen. I hope things get easier to deal with, just know that here you can come and say exactly how you feel and we will listen and try to understand or will understand. Take care dear, Karly
 
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