[CooCoo]

Well in the last two years my life has completely changed. Not because of my illness but because of it I can't help my husband out either.

It all started when my husband lost his job after 13 years. He is the one that supports us and has our health care. I was working for the same company at home doing paperwork for them. But they fired me also. We had enough savings and some stocks to help us out in the beginning, but now after two years things are getting pretty tight. He was able to get another job very quickly but it came with a big pay cut and now we pay for our own health care. That cost is around elven thousand dollars a year.

We have a couple of options right now that are really splitting us down the middle. He has a option of opening his own business which is good and I know he would make it. But and there is a but it would mean long hours 10-12 a day six days a week. Plus bring home paper work daily. He says that he would make me a office with a couch and comfortable surroundings. But that would mean long days for me and no way to get home if I didn't feel well.

The other option is moving to Georgia. We would live with his god-brother and his wife and three children. Hubby would be a el and home automation install in new construction. He would have a bigger paycheck, paid health care and shorter work days. I would be a nanny three days a week to there kids and get paid to boot.

So I am in a rock in a hard place. I can't tell him which to take because he is the bread winner. So any advice would help me greatly.

 

[sadieone]

Hi CooCoo,

I'm sorry to hear of your perdicament. Now a days it seems everyone is going through harder times than ever before.
I would assume the cost of living would be cheaper in Georgia compared to even UpState NY, I used to live in Albany.
Deciding on which way to go would hold a lot of questions for me.. but broken down to Pros and Cons.

I remember years ago, when we were faced with major financial issues. I wanted to open my own daycare business so that i didn't have to worry about my children in daycare as they were getting sick all the time and the cost was almost half my pay. I ended up taking off from work so much we could not pay the bills, never mind the daycare provider.

I wrote down Pros and Cons.

For 2 yrs i had the day care and 2 paper routes,, I made enough money to pay off bills and to save for a new, bigger home.
I guess what i'm saying is,,

Change can be good!

But be honest and weigh all the Pros and Cons of both situations to find out which one would be better.
Your husband may not want to live in someone elses house. Or you may not want to work long hours even in a comfortable office. There are other things to think about,, how long will you be in situation, can you do both,, own business first, then stay at god brothers if it doesn't work out. Or move to Georgia and open your own business.

Put it all on paper PROS and CONS.
Decide from there, both you and your husband and anyone else the change will affect and see what you come up with.

I Wish you the Best!

 

[greenhaggis]

Coocoo,

That is such a hard choice for either of you to make and I wish you luck whatever is decided

One thing I did wonder is are you well enough to look after 3 children for those 3 days a week and what happens with cover for you if unwell. Would it then start causing family friction when you do get bad days and cant look after the kids! At least an office with a couch (sofabed) you can rest and have no kids wanting your attention.

As you say it will be hard as your husband is the bread winner, but how you can cope in either situation has to be considered by your husband before decision is made and the concequences when you cant cope.

Good luck,

Love Lesley

 

[acard]

CooCoo,
I think you really need to look at what would be good for you physically and what would be good for your hubby mentally. I too would make a list and put your hubby in mind. This is a difficult time, but the two of you can make it through together.

Right now I son't see my hubby nearly enough, but it is because he working so much for our family, but I know it won't always be like this.

Good Luck,
Becca

 

[KarolH]

CooCoo,

I think you have been given great advice here so far. I just got back from Georgia visiting a life long friend. My sister also lives there. It is by far much cheaper to live in Georgia then here in Jersey or up in NY where you are.

For me, if I were in your situation it would be a no brainer...........I would move and make it easier on everyone in your family.

The only reason I am staying in Jersey is because my son will be a senior in high school starting September and we need to stay put..........at least for now.

If he were younger I would leave here so fast peoples heads would spin. If your kids are young then by all means go South. Your hubby can provide more for all of you down there. You just get more for your money.

My one concern is that if your not feeling well how will you care for someone elses kids? Still this would not stop me. I hear the South calling your name and it really is lovely down there.

Where exactly in Georgia would you be going?

 

[cispence98]

That is a really hard situation to be in, I am sorry to hear about your struggles, I agree with the others, I write down pros and cons to major decisions and write them on paper to see which one holds more weight, I even did that when I got divorced.
I want to add something I am originally from Upstate NY, Corning, and now live outside of Houston, I think that one of the pros for you might be the weather, in Georgia the cold won't be so cold I knw how the winters are in NY born and raised there til 20 yrs old, but I went back for a visit in the winter and thought I was gonna die, I had been gone so long I think my blood thinned.
Anyway the cold makes me feel worse so I think I am ok with the heat in TX its just another food for thought when thinking about your decision, do you feel better in the cold or in the heat.
I hope all works out for you and your family, I will add a con although you love family it is difficult to love with them being unable to do things like you would in your own home is trying at best and so I would also take that into consideration.
I wish you the best!!

 

[confused1]

The only advice I can give is this: make the decision together. Find a third party to help keep discussions non emotional if need be. But never forget, you are a full partner in your marriage. In our culture we tend to think of the "breadwinner" as being the primary partner. It's not true. You are equal partners in your marriage. All decisions belong to both of you equally.

The idea of a pros and cons list is good. Each of you make a list and then look at your lists together and find common ground. Work from there.

I would agree with those who are concerned you might not be well enough to take on nanny work for three children. That would kill me. But only you know your physical situation.

Remember, money just pays the bills. Love and respect are what make a marriage. Compromise is necessary, but be honest about what you want and what's important to you.

Good luck, keep us posted on your decision,
Sunny

 

[pennylp]

Hi coo coo,

We were faced with a similar situation a little over a year ago... And again eighteen years ago.... The first time my husband was layed off we decided to move here... And he got another job emidiately.... We have never regretted it... Then a little over a year ago the place he was working at... ( he was an Electrician at Nestles) well the plant closed down and again we were faced with.... Do we move or do we stay... WEll George decided to go out on his own . he is an electrical contracter now...
I have to say it takes a while for a business to get going.... We have had ups and downs... Right now it is good but this winter wasn't good..
We were told.. depending on the business it could take two to five years to get established... Skilled trades usually two years...
I am not saying any of this to discourage you from starting a business, I just wanted you to be aware that it could be a little rough at the beginning... We have ended up getting into our retirement money to survive...
I am sure you will come up with the right solution...As long as you stick together... And support one another... you will be fine...

:love2: love Penny

 

[macfamily53]

Hi coocoo

I am not sure if i could give any advice right now but sure wanted to let you know iam thinking of you and hoping the two of you can figure it out and soon for your sake and his.I do understand your delima though.My hubby was working for a local car factory i guess i want to call it and he got layed off with just unemployment is all.He was temporary for them but did get all the benifits except a pention as he was not permenant.He did get called back to work for the summer vactions but with absolutley no benifits:sad:.I have insurance but my hubby and son have no insurance and our daughter finally has some on her own but only major medical.He had to go back to work for the same company though because it was somewhat more then unemployment but not much like i said.I have medicare for myself because of ssdi thank goodness.you sure do need insurence thats for sure these days if nothing else.I am not sure how hard it would be to live with someone else for you both but that is something to look at also i guess is can we live with other people whom are family but still have three kids was it.Well anyway sorry this was so long :rotfl:thats me i love to talk or type:lol:.I just wnat to tell you i sure will be thinking about you and your hubby and hope you can come up with a solutiuon.(((hugs)))))

Tammy

 

[Marika]

Oh dear what a dilema...... like everyone else has said write down the pros and cons for each one......
BUT.....would you like someone living in your house with you..perm. think about it....would you have your own space???? my kids have grown up but when they were young...i ould go back to bed as soon as they were out of the house untill they came home!!!!
if it didn't work out in Georgia imagine the atmosphere between your 2 families...until you found your own place to live..because I presume if it it didn't work out you wouldn't be able to carry on living there....

My husband has just lost his job after 29 yrs working for an American company here in Germany so i do understand what you're going thru...but this hire and fire attitude from American companies just leaves me speechless...unlike Americans we don't have the problem of health care as it is paid for by the gov. So I take it that also is a big problem for you where will get the best coverage, self employed or working for someone....I wish you all the luck in the world..
Take care.
Marika