TheLupusSite.com banner

1 - 17 of 17 Posts

·
Marika
Joined
·
349 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
On New Years eve 2000....i was with my family walking home from the town sqare celebrations...whe we passed a group og people one who at that moment a women threw up all over me....and basically that is how the decade has continued.....
i've had a horrendus 2 yrs......and now my mum died yesterday....
she fell off the stair lift on thursday , broke her hip...went into hospital..the operation went fine...i was in court that day and couldn't travel to the UK. i dashed over sat. morning...the op. went fine but she had a heart attack during it, then got pneumonea, kidneys failed, another heart attack....and then she died early monday morning. There has tobe a postmortum due to dying after an op. and thanks to Dr. Shipley since him ruels have changed.
When my dad died last year I almost felt elated, because I know I made his passing as comfortable as i could, i did everything correctly, it was as if he was saying thankyou to me..it was ok....with my mum now i feel so guilty, guilty, guilty and I don't know why.....im on myown here (except for fantastic friends what woud we do without them) my siter doesn't like death...so she is staying away...thanks...
thanks for letting me put thus down in writing...maybe this feeling will change i hope so because it's the most awful feeling to have ..guilt
I wish all a lovely day, tell someone u love that u love them please..
marika:)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
300 Posts
Dear (((Marika)))

Sending you and your family my condolences, gentle hugs and prayers.

I am so sorry to hear of all the losses you have endured these last few years. It sounds like you have been a wonderful, supportive daughter to both of your parents, please dont feel guilty. Hold on to those dear memories, they will help you cope (even the ones being vomited on!).

Sharon
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
498 Posts
Hi Marika,
:hug: I'm so sorry to hear about your mum.If it's any consolation,I think we always feel guilty when we lose someone we love.Regret things we didn't do,say or didn't say and sometimes time passes all too quickly.But we try our best.You may not have said 'I love you' to your mum all the time,or maybe ever,but she would have undoubtedly known.
I'm sorry your sister isn't there to support you too when you need her,people handle death so differently,sometimes strangely.When I lost a member of my family sometimes people would cross the road to avoid me.It was very painful at the time but later I realised that they just didn't know what to say.Glad your friends are rallying round to support you,
Much love to you at such a sad time,
Julsie
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,835 Posts
Marika:

I am so sorry for your loss. Tragic or accidental death is always the one that causes the guilt. There is nothing you could have done to prevent the situation, even if you had been there, things would have gone the same.

My husband went through the same feelings...after his mom died, we went and visited his dad one weekend a month. We didn't go one weekend and his dad died the next week. My husband blamed himself for quite a while.

Do not blame yourself, do not dwell on the unexpected and unavoidable, focus on the good things you and your mom shared, and all the times you were able to share.

Stay well, my prayers are with you - Stephanie
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,003 Posts
((((((dear marika))))))

My sincere condolences to you and your family for your sad loss.

marika most of us feel guilty when we lose someone,even if it's for just that we should have spent more time with them...but please try not to be hard on yourself you need love and support now.I agree with the others that you sound like a very loving daughter and you did all that could have done.

please take good care marika..thinking of you and remember we are all here for you.
lot's of love to you all :there:
karen x
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,800 Posts
Marika (((((((hugs)))))))

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum passing away. You really haven't had a very good time of it these last couple of years :(

My sincere condolences Marika and please try not to feel guilty. You have no reason to and I'm sure your Mum wouldn't have wanted you to suffer that on top of everything else.

Katharine
 

·
elisabethm
Joined
·
512 Posts
Hi Marika.Im so sorry to hereof the loss of your Mother there is nothing more heart breaking than lossing one or both of your parents.I lost my Father 10yrs ago and i blamed myself we were all at his bedside.But when he was really struggling i told him it was all right for him to go and he died about 10mins later and i blamed myself as i was the one that told him i could not eat sleep or do any thing it prayed on my mind day and night.Then he came to me in a dream and handed me a baby then a couple of nights later he came to the other side of my bed and handed me another baby.And yes he did give me two Grandsons there is 10days between them.So i do believe that was his way of telling me i did the right thing for him.I send you my heart felt sympathy Elisabeth
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
642 Posts
Dear Marika
I am so sorry for your loss.
My condolences to you and your family.
Don't be too hard on yourself:hug:

Elisabeth,
Giving your father permission to go was a very loving thing to do which I'm sure you now realise.
Take care
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
468 Posts
Dear Marika,

I am terribly sorry for your loss and the terrible couple of years you've had...try not to feel guilty, your mom would understand your not being able to be right there and would not want you to be sufferring now. Take good care of yourself and know that we are all keeping you in our hearts. :there:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,152 Posts
Dear Marika

My heart goes out to you. What a terrible thing to happen and what a shock for you :hugbetter:

There are few words of comfort but please know that everyone here is thinking of you and hoping that you can come to terms with your loss. Give yourself time Marika. Im glad that you have good friends around you. We need friends at a time like this.

I think its fairly normal to feel some sort of guilt when our parents pass away. Of course sometimes that depends on the relationship we had with them. I know I felt guilt when my parents passed away - for different reasons. I have come to accept that time passes for us all and I could only do what I could at the time. I know you have had a few difficult years and worries about your parents but honestly Marika you couldnt have done any more. You were back and forward from Germany trying to sort out things for them in a very difficult situation. Had you tried to do any more you would have ended up being too ill yourself and not able to do anything for anyone.

Much love and strength
Joan:rose:
 

·
Moderator
Joined
·
11,405 Posts
(((Marika)))

I am sorry for you loss.

You and your family are in my thought.

Lyn
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,684 Posts
(((((((((((Marika)))))))))))))) so sorry to hear about your mothers' death :( :hugbetter:

From what I remember you were a wonderful support to your parents and have no need whatsoever to feel guilty! You did everything possible and went over there regularly to help them out.

Take it easy on yourself my friend,

love
Lily
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,640 Posts
Marika,


I am very sorry for your loss. I will be thinking of you, and hoping you feel better each day.

Love,
Sandy
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
40 Posts
Dear Marika

I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your mum. I can imagine how sad you are.

Please take care of yourself and try not to feel guilty, it won't do any good and will just make you feel worse. I am sure your mum would not be happy to know you feel that way.

Best wishes and lots of hugs :flower2:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14,661 Posts
Dear Friend

I am so sorry about your Mum and the tragic circumstances of her passing.
I am aghast at everything you have had to cope with recently.

:hugbetter::hug:

I can only echo what everybody else has said about guilt and grief. We will always find something to blame ourselves for however small or even ridiculous it might seem simply because we are conscientious caring people. When my dad died we had just moved to France - I had written a letter to him but had delayed posting it a very bad habit of mine. He died very suddenly and unexpectedly but was in the middle of writing to me and had written that he was hoping to hear from me soon. I can't describe how my failure to post my letter tormented me. My mother's death 3 years ago after several years in care suffering from dementia was in circumstances somewhat similar to your own and with me her only living relative living 3.5 thousand miles away. I still get times when I am overcome wishing I could have done more for her.
I think we just have to be kind to ourselves and hold onto the knowledge that we know we did everything we possibly could and even more important that they would be the first to acknowledge it and not want us to beat ourselves up. Or even if they did have reproaches of some sort, we have to live our own lives and we nearly all have obligations to the other people in our lives. I can tell you that it is just the same for people who live next door to their parent, or even with them, and did everything humanly possible for them !
Fortune really is vomiting over you at present- another word comes to mind but can't be used here

I send you strengthening and caring thoughts of deep sympathy and hope with all my heart that life will become easier very soon and you will be able to find some peace of mind in the maelstrom.

Love
Clare
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
85 Posts
Dear Marika
I was so sorry to hear about your mum and what a shock it must have been for you.
Please don't feel guilty, we all have a habit of doing that, just focus on the good memories of your mum.
I will PM you soon, but in the meantime if there is anything we can do, please let me know as we are just around the corner from your mum and will help you in any way possible

Hugs to you and your family

Will speak soon.
Love

Meryl x
 
1 - 17 of 17 Posts
Top