[sushi]

i just cant take the way that im feeling sad, afraid to be alone, anxious, i dont feel normal anymore. Sometimes i feel like someone is watching me and it makes me paranoid im always thinking the worst is going to happen to me.

i know i should nt feel like this. i get these feeling about every couple of weeks. its not that it happens all the time. would you call this a flare?

I dont know im very confused. for the past year i havent been the same
i used to not feel or think like this i really really hate when this happens to me.

i know that i should go see a therapist but i dont have the insurance to just go and see one.

i really wish that i was the same person i used to be. i used to have a normal life. now i stay home and dont do much.

you guys have been really good to me and im so happy for this site because i can come here and talk about my problems and you understand. i do have lupus but its been a mild disease so far or maybe not...... maybe i feel like this because my husband goes to work, kids go to school and im home all day doing nothing. i really wish i had insurance so i can just pick up the phone and call the doctor for an appt.


thank you so much for your time.. im really sorry for the rant.:sad: :sad:

 

[Katharine]

Hi Sushi,

I'm sorry you're feeling blue again.

I guess we all do at times but obviously if depression is part of the disease for you then it is even more important.

I think you know yourself that the only way you can make it better is through treatment and possibly seeing a therapist. Is there no way that you could sort that insurance problem?

You had started antidepressants at some stage hadn't you? Do you still take those? I hope you do.

When you say that this happens to you every couple of weeks; how long does it last? If it is just an evening or part of a day feeling down I wouldn't worry too much as I think we all get that.

When I feel down, it is usually because I'm tired. Yesterday I suddenly felt so hopeless and had tears welling up for no apparent reason but I knew that it was caused by not sleeping for two nights in a row (due to that breathing thing) and having had such a fright during the week.

The thing I have found now is that I recognise what is happening and I do something about it. I know that certain things will help even if I don't actually feel like doing them.

I might just take the dog into the local town and concentrate on training him a bit or go and say hi to a friend. I might take my camera and go and photograph whatever is there to be photographed. I might stick some good music on really loud and lose myself in it; and, if I can afford it (which is not often for the moment) I might go to the local shopping centre and buy myself something nice or get my hair done. All little ridiculous insignificant things but all just helping keep that feel good factor.

I'm afraid I really can't help more,
:hug:
Katharine

 

[cad]

Hi Sushi,
I am just a member in the last few days but i read your post and really felt for you.
Sorry that you feel so down:sad:
I wouldn't really know if you how you feel could be symptoms of a flare or not but i understand you feeling alone and like your life has stopped apart from the things that have to be done.
Is there something you could think of that you could to treat yourself when everyone else is not around, i don't get anytime without the kids as i have 5 so i wish i did at the moment in a way just to have peace and rest!!:hehe:
But maybe it would make you feel a bit more at peace to acknowledge that its hard being a mum without having an illness aswell and that you are entitled to have feelings too and feel unwell with your disease.
Maybe you could structure some time where you just focus on organising or doing things that you would really like to do for you, it might not happen overnight but juat making that time without feeling guilty may help lift your spirits abit.
Sorry if this wasn't any help.

Take Care
Cassie

 

[LolaLola]

Dear Sushi,
I found all the feelings you describe happened much more in the early years of the disease. You may well find they do go away. I know they are nasty and illogical meanwhile but please do not lose hope. They may well not be permanent.
x Lola

 

[elisabethm]

DEAR SUSHI,I am sorry to hear that you are feeling down at the moment.
I think that we all get that feeling at some time.ARE you on disability i know that yours is diffrent from ours can you not get help to see someone.There
is nothing worse than being down with no one to talk to. i do hope that you will feel better soon sending you my best wishes elisabeth

 

[Sage Hen]

Dear Sushi,

It has been my experience, that these feelings come and go..probably depending on several different factors.

You can always come here and talk and get some feed back or just vent.

I know, it isn't the same as being able to go see someone, that can help you sort a rough patch, from a true depression, brought on by a flare, or situation, or perhaps both.

I do hope you feel better very soon..I am sad, that your sad..

Love,
Sandy

 

[sushi]

Katharine, i havent been sleeping well also for the past 2 nights i wonder if i felt like this because of that. thank you very much as always. you always come to my rescue.

Sage Hen youre right these feeling come and go after all it part of human nature. thank you

elisabethm, no im not on disability it is very hard to get and i think my doctors wont back me up for this. thank you

LolaLola i hope that these feeling are not permanently i really hate
to go throught this from time to time.thank you

cad, thank you for your advise also you have all helped me tremedously as always.

 

[LolaLola]

Sushi, I honestly feel that this may pass for you, but meanwhile I hope you get all the good treatment and sympathy you deserve.
x Lola

 

[LoopyLoo]

((((((Sushi))))))

Just wanted to stop by and send you positive thoughts and gentle hugs. :hugbetter:

You sound quite overwhelmed with things at the moment. It may be an idea to right down the positive things in your life and focus on them when you feel like this. Set yourself targets you can achieve each day - even if one day it's only putting on a washing then so be it. Another day you will feel stronger to do more.

I hope you feel better soon.

Hugz,

Pam xxx

 

[karen.w.]

(((((sushi)))))

I am sorry to hear you are feeling low :sad:
I agree it's all part of the disease unfortunately..but I would mention it to your rheumy next visit.


I sometimes feel this way especially when flared..it's bizarre as sometimes I can feel so happy & appreciative of my life one moment then the next I can feel an overwhelming sense of despair for no reason at all :sad:
also I love to spend time with other people,family freinds etc but other times I want to escape & be alone,I find it too stressful trying to keep up with everyone :worried:
we really are complex people aren't we :wink2:


sushi I can also relate to being alone during the daytime too, when hubby is in work,kids in school & most of my friends in work too....I was feeling quite bored especially as my children are getting older now therefore they have after school activities or friends over for tea & vice versa.

however this did lead me to start a course last september which I am thoroughly enjoying!..it feels good to do something just for me.
something to look forward to & a goal to achieve..I even enjoy doing homework :hehe: plus the added advantage of using my brain

so I'm wondering if there is a particular course or hobby that might appeal to you sushi?.just a thought?it really has made such a big difference to me...I think living with a chronic disease we need something else to take our mind of it.


oops sorry to ramble on what I'm trying to say is that you are not alone sushi,we can all relate to feeling this way at some point.
I do hope you feel better soon sushi..remember we are all here for you
:hug:
luv karen x

p.s sorry hope this makes sense,i've rushed it because I am on my way out!

 

[sushi]

loopyloo, thank you for your advise and support. i think it a very good idea to write the positive things in my life down and focus on them when im feeling like this. its worth a try.

Karen. W. you described exactly what happens to me one minute im happy and the next im a total reck and most of the time is for no reason.
yes, i am going to see what i can put my time into because i think its just what i need. and to ramble its perfectly fine with me.:wink2: :wink2: