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why do i feel so down?

443 Views 4 Replies 5 Participants Last post by  Lily
Hi to you all.
Iam not having a good time at the moment, and just wanted to write about it.
I have just been to see my consultant and he wants me to have yet another M.R.I scan, as i my right side has been affected by a 'flare' and is now much weaker than it should be, so i guess he wants to see if i have had a bleed in my brain???
I have been taking lots of meds this year, planqunil, morphine, anti sickness tabs,high cholesteral tabs, omeprazole for my tummy pains, these i have had for the last 2 yrs, and yes they have made me feel better on and off, but i have just started to have my knee blown up like a ballon, great pain in it, then it feels numb and then just goes away, whats that all about? i have not had that before?? then the other leg did the very same thing? is this a new thing for me or what?
If i don,t take my meds i fall apart, i can't walk or do anything much, the other thing is i can't take oral steriods, they just make me feel sooo ill, although i can have the injections and the I.V type, juat not the tablet form, why i don't know.
Im worried that i have been on the morphine for over 2 yrs now and i wil be addicted to it, i have no idea how to get me off of it, if i do start to down the dose i feel terrible, and can't walk with the pain in my legs/body, so do i have to be on this for the rest of my life?
So sorry to go on but i have had these things on my mind for a while now, htis things scares the c***p outa me, so i tey not to think about it to much, i just think that the meds i'm on are to many, i have 24 repeat drugs thats loads........oh and i also have to self catherterise myself as the lupus has damaged the nerve endings in my bladder so i no longer ever feel that i want to go, has anyone else had this before?
I would be pleased to hear from anyone about there meds etc, I'm fighting a cold at the moment so thats why i could be down at the moment, i have read most of the books on Lupus, so i have tried to educate myself on the subject but just feel at a loss sometimes.
The one thing that iam grateful for is my husband, he has been with me through it all, and even though i have to go out in a wheelchair sometime, he said to me that he would push me to anywhere i want to go, (bless him), so why do i feel so down this last past week??
Anyways enough of me going on, just hope to here from some one soon.
Thanks for reading this
Take care to you all
Debbi ;)
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