Dear Raspberry
I am very sorry to hear about your carcrash, but I hope you came to no physical harm?
Of course, not having a car for any reason is pretty depressing in itself if you rely on one for everyday life but when you lose it through an accident with all the endless complications involved, it's enough to make anybody temporarily lose the will to live, lupus or not. With lupus, we are so much more vulnerable to any misfortune and it is easy to take it personally, sort of thing.
Deep down I think that everybody with a chronic disease should be automatically spared any other sort of trouble.
Even deeper down I suspect that there might be trace elements of the thought that I did do something to bring lupus on myself or that it was some sort of malevolent action. I know that was my initial instinctive reaction to being told on diagnosis that I was "allergic to myself".
I immediately thought surely I can't be that bad of a person, but I was brought up in a very guilt inducing way and I know better now. Being a fatalist and humanist I reckon that **** just happens indiscriminately, sheer bad luck. That makes it somewhat easier to bear.
There have been times in my life when so many bad things have happened one after another that I have felt something very similar to what you are feeling right now. There've been many times when I wish I could be beamed up somewhere else or just opt out for a while, until I have boosted my morale , and bounced back.
I hope that you are just going through a very understandable reaction to a major trauma and will feel better very soon. If you were already depressed you will find it harder to recover, same as if you have had a lot of bad luck recently. If I dare say it, if you do have a belief system and truly feel you are cursed or being punished it might be much harder to regain emotional equilibrium and maybe a spiritual advisor could help you out. Bad things really do happen to good people.
When that doomed and desperate feeling persists it is usually a sign of depression so if you aren't feeling better about it very soon please seek professional advice. If you do have any thoughts of self harm it is essential to seek professional advice urgently.
I hope you will be able to confide your feelings to those close to you, who care deeply about you. In fact you must let them know, as their comfort and assurance will be the greatest help to bouncing back again.
On a purely practical level, about the shopping, maybe a supermarket home delivery service would be the answer. I use Tesco every week - it saves me so much time and effort, I don't know how I would manage without it. If you get delivery on a Wednesday it's only £4.
Many hugs
Clare